Exploring the 1995 Indians Media Guide: Part 1: Pronunciation Guide (Page 313)
by Corey
I know what you're thinking: "What, more Mistake by the Lake content? How do these losers live their lives?" Well, what can I tell you? Truly, the amount of blogging we do has a direct, one-to-one correlation with how much we care about you, our loyal readers.
Anyway, you might have noticed that the 2009 Indians season has quietly turned into an exciting race for not-last place... or possibly an exciting race for third place! Alas, this has not proven to be the type of excitement today's Indians fan expects and appreciates. That's why I'm proud to bring you Part 1 in our new many-parted series, an historical look back at the most exciting Indians campaign of our lifetimes (the 1995 season) via the time-tested pages of my Cleveland Indians Media Guide 1995. Because wallowing in past glory is never not the solution to any of life's problems.
Basically, we're going to highlight items of interest from the pages of the book, in a completely arbitrary order, and comment on them, until we get tired of the conceit. Today we feature Page 313, a fine page entitled "Phonetic Pronunciations for 1995 Cleveland Indians." This would be the page the moronic visiting broadcasters might turn to when they have to enunciate such cryptic and befuddling words as "Thome" and "Shuey" without sounding like total idiots... well, without continuing to sound like total idiots.
The author of Page 313 might have attempted to use some kind of standardized phonetic writing system, such as IPA, but something tells me Hawk Harrelson was going to have a harder time with "oːʒej" than with "Ogea" itself, thus defeating the purpose. Instead, it seems the strategy was to pass the pronunciation-transcribing duties off to Bart Swain's seven year-old nephew. The results may not surprise you! Needless to say, by following this guide, the visiting broadcaster is going to say more names incorrectly than if he just tried to figure it out for himself. Let the nitpicking begin!
Santos Valazquez ALOMAR, Jr. (AL-a-mar)
Already we're off to a fantastic start, with the misspelling of Sandy's middle name (Velazquez). Also, I really hope some play-by-play guy actually called him "Santos."
Ruben AMARO, Jr. (A-mar-oh)
The syllable in caps is supposed to get the emphasis, right? I'm pretty sure they wanted "a-MAR-oh."
Carlos Obed BAERGA (by-AIR-ga)
David Gus "Buddy" BELL
David Michael BELL
Albert Jojoan BELLE
Obed and Jojoan are two excellent middle names.
Jeromy Neal BURNITZ (BER-nits)
Ooh, swing and a miss.
John Christopher CARTER
Mark CLARK
Dennis Bryan COOK
Timothy Roger COSTO (kah-STOE)
Oh, come on. I do not remember Tim Costo at all, but does his name really rhyme with "bestow"? I doubt it.
Carlos Lamont CRAWFORD
Einar Antonio DIAZ (DEE-az)
Gee, thanks for the clarification on "Diaz"—I guess you figured you'd wait for next year's media guide to do your part in averting a pointless, years-long "ey-nar vs. ay-nar" debate.
Steven Ross DIXON
Alan Duane EMBREE
Alvaro Alberto ESPINOZA (ES-pi-nose-ah)
No, not even close. Boy, we're really struggling with this concept of emphasis, aren't we?
Brian GILES (JYLES)
Now, honestly, how is "Jyles" clearer than "Giles"?
Jason GRIMSLEY (grims-LEE)
Nope.
Michael Dudley HARGROVE
Luis ISAAC (I-zik)
Totally necessary.
Wayne Leonard KIRBY (CUR-bee)
Jesse LEVIS
As I scan the roster, even pretending I've never heard of the players, "Levis" is one of the only names I actually would want clarified. Is it "Levis" like "leverage," or "Levis" like "leaving"?
James Howard LEWIS, Jr.
Kenneth LOFTON (LOFT-un)
Wow, all these years I've been saying "LOFT-awn".
Albert Anthony LOPEZ
Charles Fuqua MANUEL, Jr.
I'd forgotten about this—the best middle name on the team. Also, if I may try my hand at this juvenile writing system, "Manuel" could be either "MAN-yewl" or "man-you-ELL." Just sayin'.
Jose Dennis MARTINEZ
Jose MESA (MAY-sa)
Antonia MITCHELL
Elsewhere in the Media Guide, he's just "Tony," but I'm pretty sure his name's "Antonio" and not "Antonia."
Eddie Clarence MURRAY
Charles Harrison NAGY (NAG-ee)
Not to suggest that announcers weren't reading their media guides, but this obviously didn't stop everyone on the planet from saying "NAY-gee."
David Earl NELSON
Jefrey [sic] Lynn NEWMAN
Chad OGEA (OH-jay)
Herbert Edward PERRY
Eric Vaughn PLUNK
Manuel Aristides RAMIREZ
Wow, the '95 Indians were a treasure trove of great middle names, and we're talking about all the star players, too. Obviously, this is some kind of converse to the Browns Middle Name Corollary.
Victor Omar RAMIREZ
Joseph Roger ROA (ROE-a)
Paul Kenneth SHUEY (SHOO-ee)
Willie Everett SMITH
Paul Anthony SORRENTO (SORE-rent-toe)
"Sorrento" is a hard name to screw up, but the one way someone might mispronounce it; that's what you've transcribed here. Thanks!
Julian TAVAREZ (tah-VAR-ez)
Buffalo Wild Wings thanks you for not bothering to transcribe first names.
James Howard THOME (TOE-mee)
Omar Enrique VIZQUEL (viz-KELL)
Mark Eugene WILEY (WHY-lee)
Well, there you have it: Page 313 of the 1995 Media Guide. I hope this has been as educational for you as it has been for me. We've still got tons of awesome memories to re-live; next time we might be looking at 1995 ticket prices, or minor league coaching staffs, or who knows what else. It's a treasure trove, I tell ya.
Anyway, you might have noticed that the 2009 Indians season has quietly turned into an exciting race for not-last place... or possibly an exciting race for third place! Alas, this has not proven to be the type of excitement today's Indians fan expects and appreciates. That's why I'm proud to bring you Part 1 in our new many-parted series, an historical look back at the most exciting Indians campaign of our lifetimes (the 1995 season) via the time-tested pages of my Cleveland Indians Media Guide 1995. Because wallowing in past glory is never not the solution to any of life's problems.
Basically, we're going to highlight items of interest from the pages of the book, in a completely arbitrary order, and comment on them, until we get tired of the conceit. Today we feature Page 313, a fine page entitled "Phonetic Pronunciations for 1995 Cleveland Indians." This would be the page the moronic visiting broadcasters might turn to when they have to enunciate such cryptic and befuddling words as "Thome" and "Shuey" without sounding like total idiots... well, without continuing to sound like total idiots.
The author of Page 313 might have attempted to use some kind of standardized phonetic writing system, such as IPA, but something tells me Hawk Harrelson was going to have a harder time with "oːʒej" than with "Ogea" itself, thus defeating the purpose. Instead, it seems the strategy was to pass the pronunciation-transcribing duties off to Bart Swain's seven year-old nephew. The results may not surprise you! Needless to say, by following this guide, the visiting broadcaster is going to say more names incorrectly than if he just tried to figure it out for himself. Let the nitpicking begin!
Santos Valazquez ALOMAR, Jr. (AL-a-mar)
Already we're off to a fantastic start, with the misspelling of Sandy's middle name (Velazquez). Also, I really hope some play-by-play guy actually called him "Santos."
Ruben AMARO, Jr. (A-mar-oh)
The syllable in caps is supposed to get the emphasis, right? I'm pretty sure they wanted "a-MAR-oh."
Carlos Obed BAERGA (by-AIR-ga)
David Gus "Buddy" BELL
David Michael BELL
Albert Jojoan BELLE
Obed and Jojoan are two excellent middle names.
Jeromy Neal BURNITZ (BER-nits)
Ooh, swing and a miss.
John Christopher CARTER
Mark CLARK
Dennis Bryan COOK
Timothy Roger COSTO (kah-STOE)
Oh, come on. I do not remember Tim Costo at all, but does his name really rhyme with "bestow"? I doubt it.
Carlos Lamont CRAWFORD
Einar Antonio DIAZ (DEE-az)
Gee, thanks for the clarification on "Diaz"—I guess you figured you'd wait for next year's media guide to do your part in averting a pointless, years-long "ey-nar vs. ay-nar" debate.
Steven Ross DIXON
Alan Duane EMBREE
Alvaro Alberto ESPINOZA (ES-pi-nose-ah)
No, not even close. Boy, we're really struggling with this concept of emphasis, aren't we?
Brian GILES (JYLES)
Now, honestly, how is "Jyles" clearer than "Giles"?
Jason GRIMSLEY (grims-LEE)
Nope.
Michael Dudley HARGROVE
Luis ISAAC (I-zik)
Totally necessary.
Wayne Leonard KIRBY (CUR-bee)
Jesse LEVIS
As I scan the roster, even pretending I've never heard of the players, "Levis" is one of the only names I actually would want clarified. Is it "Levis" like "leverage," or "Levis" like "leaving"?
James Howard LEWIS, Jr.
Kenneth LOFTON (LOFT-un)
Wow, all these years I've been saying "LOFT-awn".
Albert Anthony LOPEZ
Charles Fuqua MANUEL, Jr.
I'd forgotten about this—the best middle name on the team. Also, if I may try my hand at this juvenile writing system, "Manuel" could be either "MAN-yewl" or "man-you-ELL." Just sayin'.
Jose Dennis MARTINEZ
Jose MESA (MAY-sa)
Antonia MITCHELL
Elsewhere in the Media Guide, he's just "Tony," but I'm pretty sure his name's "Antonio" and not "Antonia."
Eddie Clarence MURRAY
Charles Harrison NAGY (NAG-ee)
Not to suggest that announcers weren't reading their media guides, but this obviously didn't stop everyone on the planet from saying "NAY-gee."
David Earl NELSON
Jefrey [sic] Lynn NEWMAN
Chad OGEA (OH-jay)
Herbert Edward PERRY
Eric Vaughn PLUNK
Manuel Aristides RAMIREZ
Wow, the '95 Indians were a treasure trove of great middle names, and we're talking about all the star players, too. Obviously, this is some kind of converse to the Browns Middle Name Corollary.
Victor Omar RAMIREZ
Joseph Roger ROA (ROE-a)
Paul Kenneth SHUEY (SHOO-ee)
Willie Everett SMITH
Paul Anthony SORRENTO (SORE-rent-toe)
"Sorrento" is a hard name to screw up, but the one way someone might mispronounce it; that's what you've transcribed here. Thanks!
Julian TAVAREZ (tah-VAR-ez)
Buffalo Wild Wings thanks you for not bothering to transcribe first names.
James Howard THOME (TOE-mee)
Omar Enrique VIZQUEL (viz-KELL)
Mark Eugene WILEY (WHY-lee)
Well, there you have it: Page 313 of the 1995 Media Guide. I hope this has been as educational for you as it has been for me. We've still got tons of awesome memories to re-live; next time we might be looking at 1995 ticket prices, or minor league coaching staffs, or who knows what else. It's a treasure trove, I tell ya.
5 Comments:
In the case of Ruben Amaro, his name is actually properly pronounced "ru-BAIN AH-mah-roh." Obviously, a lifetime of having his name mispronounced has not gotten in the way of his success, since he now runs the Phillies.
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