Friends, by now you are aware that Alex and I have developed an effective system for purging our inbox of the gomillions upon gomillions of reader inquires we receive each week. We decided several years ago that the best way to respond to your many e-mails would be to use the NBA All-Star Break, MLB All-Star Break, and Browns bye week, respectively, to respond to an arbitrarily selected handful of Cavs, Indians, and Browns questions. Our most recent such cleansing, for example, took place in February, when we answered some token Cavs questions. Mission accomplished, lip service paid, inbox purged—alles in Ordnung, right?

Wrong! You see, interest in the Cavs is at an all-time high, and as such, our poor mailbox is in serious need of an emergency emptyin'. Considering the fact that it's now the Cavs' bye week, we figured it was a good time for a Cavaliers mailbag supplement. Here we go!

Hey guys,

Should I have a preference as to the outcome of Hawks vs. Heat?

Reggie B.
Dili, East Timor

Corey says: The short answer is no, you should not. The Hawks are the NBA's 13th-best team (.556 Pythagorean win pct.) and the Heat are next at 14th-best (.509). Atlanta ranks 10th in offense (109.3 points per 100 possessions) while Miami ranks just 20th (107.8). Defensively, the two teams are tied for 11th (both have D-Ratings of 107.6). So if you're concerned about which team will be "easier" for the Cavs, I don't think there's enough evidence to suggest one or the other. Atlanta's talent is more spread out among four or five key contributors, whereas Miami has more riding on one player, that being Dwyane [sic] Wade. But again, I don't think that matters in terms of the Cavs' chances of winning the series.

On the other hand, because of Wade, Miami does attract more media attention. I'm not saying I care about that sort of thing, but a Cavs-Heat series, it seems to me, has a better chance of "being remembered," especially if LeBron and Wade both have a few particularly high-scoring games.

On the third hand, it may be in the Cavs' best interest to get the next round underway sooner rather than later. The Cavs are not going to get any more well-rested than they are right now. A Cavs-Hawks series beginning on Sunday (as opposed to Tuesday) stands a pretty good chance of wrapping up earlier than a Magic-Celtics or Magic-Bulls series beginning on Monday. It's a minor consideration, but what else am I going to hang my rooting interest on? So, for Game 6 anyway... go Hawks! ("Caw!")

Dear Mistake by the Lake Spotring Tims,

What do you think of Joe Smith's Cavaliers playoff rap? Would you mind transcribing and annotating the lyrics? Thanks!

Julie Davner
Rapid City, SD

Corey says: As you know, Julie, every NBA player has a clause in his contract requiring him to dabble in producing and/or performing hip hop on the side, so it's no surprise that Joe Smith came out with a special playoff anthem for the 2009 Cavaliers. The song's been pretty ubiquitous in Cleveland the last two weeks, but if you haven't heard it yet, click here to take a listen. Personally, based on one song's worth of evidence, I think Joe's more talented as a producer than a lyricist or performer.

Anyway, per your request, below you'll find a fully-annotated transcription of the lyrics. There are a few references I couldn't quite understand or place—mostly, I suspect, nicknames the Cavs players have given one another. Here you go:

One team, one goal,¹ one dream,
One theme, one quest, one ring.
(×2)

Once again, it's on, back on the quest for a title.
In order for us to get it, must compete with our rivals.

Loaded with ammunition, time to handle our business.
This time, no lookin' back 'til our business is finished.

Z, the President,² LeBron James, the King,
And Anderson Varejão, they call him the Wild Thing.

Mo-Will, Mo Gotti,³ he's shootin' from long range.
D-Gib, Capone, the Bench Mafia's brain.⁴

Big Ben's an animal, Joe Smith's a beast.⁵
Can't mention the Bench Mob without mentioning [Streets?].⁶

That's: T.K., breakin' ankles on the iso.⁷
Cavaliers toyin' with opponents like Tyco.⁸

J.J. and D.J., absorbin' all knowledge
That a veteran'll share; both show a lot of promise.

D-West, knockin' down jumpers off the curl.
Szczerbiak, on the post; can't escape Wally's World.⁹

'Renzo, anchors the D, guardin' the paint.
Sasha shootin' from three is like money in the bank.

Welcome back, Jawad, the home town connect.¹⁰
Mike Brown, captain the ship, callin' the sets.

But of course, can't forget our sixth man:
Twenty thousand, five hundred and sixty-two fans.

In The Q, it's impossible to lose.
But we can't celebrate 'til we finish payin' dues.

One team, one goal, one dream,
One theme, one quest, one ring.
(×3)

¹ Smith has to have started working on this song before the Cavs marketing department unveiled their 2009 playoff slogan, right? And yet this can't be a coincidence—somehow Joe got advance notice of the "One Goal" slogan and decided to make it a mantra in his song.

² I think he's saying "president" but I can't be certain. Is Ilgauskas known as The President? Or do I just have a lot to learn about the Lithuanian political system?

³ Admittedly, "Mobody" is a complete guess, because I can't exactly make the word out. But it really does sound like it starts with an M, so maybe it's a portmanteau of "Mo" and "nobody." Reader isley23 suggests that the lyrics are "Mo Gotti," which plays into the mafia theme established elsewhere in the song. John Gotti was a famous mob boss who died in 2002.

⁴ Al Capone was a prominent leader of the Chicago mob in the 1930s and 40s. "Bench Mafia" is a twist on "Bench Mob," a term frequently used to describe a basketball team's bench players. By calling Daniel Gibson "Capone," I think Smith is implying that Gibson, like Mo Williams, is a "leader" of the bench—I would guess this has more to do with off-the-court shenanigans/handshakes/theater than with on-the-court performance.

⁵ This is a reference to Joe's rap pseudonym. From Wikipedia: "Joe Smith is currently working on a solo rap album under the pseudonym 'Joe Beast'. Included on the soon-to-be released album were [sic] tracks titled 'Murda Kapital' and 'I Does This'."

⁶ I'm not sure what he's saying here. "Streets" is my best guess. In any case, it sounds like he's introducing a nickname for Tarence Kinsey, given what follows immediately after.

⁷ "Iso" is a reference to the isolation play. Thanks to reader isley23 for correcting me (I originally thought, "breakin' ankles on the ice, so...").

⁸ I suspect someone is going to post a comment with an explanation of what "Tyco" is, but I have not been able to figure it out via Google search. I don't even know how to spell it. Maybe it's a reference to Tycho Brahe, the 16th-century astronomer who lost his nose in a duel (thus "toyin' with [his] opponents")? Or maybe it's a reference to Japanese taiko drums? Well, I am an idiot. As soon as I posted this, I was informed that this is a reference to Tyco Toys (thus, "toyin' with..."). I have heard of Tyco Toys, of course; I just didn't think of it because I stupidly assumed this was some kind of street slang or rap icon. D'oh.

⁹ "Wally World" is apparently a nickname for Szczerbiak, according to Wikipedia's disambiguation page. The term originated, however, as the fictional theme park Walley World in the 1983 movie National Lampoon's Vacation.

¹⁰ Jawad Williams is from Cleveland and played his high school ball at St. Ed's; thus, "home town connect."

Hey Corey and Alec,

I enjoyed your graphs comparing the '08-'09 Cavs to various other great teams, but you didn't do one showing the top teams in Cavs franchise history. I'd like to know how this year's Cavs stack up against Price, Daugherty, and co.

Petunia Y.
Postboy, OH

Corey says: That's a good suggestion, Petunia. Here are the top teams in Cavaliers franchise history, according to Pythagorean win percentage:

             Pyth. W%
1. 2009 Cavs   .787
2. 1989 Cavs   .734
3. 1993 Cavs   .704
4. 1992 Cavs   .672
5. 1994 Cavs   .638
6. 2007 Cavs   .638

And here's the graph showing those teams' running point differentials:



That 1989 squad (the team that suffered "The Shot") was more remarkable than I realized. They were, in fact, the best team in the NBA that year, significantly ahead of Phoenix (.718), the Lakers (.712), and Detroit (.698). But they were also a little unlucky in the regular season, finishing with only the 2nd-best won-lost record in the East, which was only good enough for the #3 seed, due to division alignments. That earned them a first-round match-up with the 6th-seeded Bulls—who were the 11th-best team in the NBA, with a Pythagorean win percentage of .548—and the rest is history. Regardless, late in the regular season, as you can tell from the graph, the 1989 Cavs were on pace to finish as the then-best team in NBA history, but they relaxed (or faded, if you prefer) just a tiny bit in the last 10 games, and finished the year as the then-5th-best team of all time.

The other teams on the graph include Lenny Wilkens's last two Cavs squads (1992 and 1993), Mike Fratello's first Cavs squad (1994), and LeBron's Finals-reaching squad. All four of those teams appear to have suffered from slow starts of varying degrees, but all four managed to turn it around and finish their regular seasons strong.

Hello Sportings Time Mistake by the Lake,

I have enjoyed this mailbag post so far, but where's Alex? Corey really doesn't know anything about basketball because he never played the game.

Mohandas
Rocky River, OH

Corey says: That's very perceptive of you, Mohandas. We thought we could pull the wool over your eyes. You see, Alex is currently on a secret government space mission, which keeps him very busy. Nevertheless, I am in frequent contact with Alex's shuttle, and we consult extensively on all matters Cavaliers. So what I've cleverly decided to do in this post is to pick five sentences at random, and write them in the style of Alex. Bonus points to whoever can correctly identify all five!