Well, here we are again. I hope everyone had a joyous LeBron Day! Alex and I sure did. The Chosen One turned 23—that holiest of numbers—so we knew we had to make it a good one! What follows is a photo montage of our celebration.

If you're confused, you must be new around here. Each year on December 30—the birthday of our Lord and Savior—Alex and I and a loyal band of compatriots undertake a pilgrimage to Akron, OH and beyond, visiting many of the holy sites in the life of LeBron. The tradition has grown stronger with each passing year (check out LeBron Day 2004, 2005 and 2006).



This year, we began our journey early in the morning. Joined by Friends of the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times Aaron, Ben, Mike, and the other Mike, we knew we had a small, but fiercely dedicated contingent.

Upon arriving in Akron, we made a quick stop, as we always do, at our favorite local grocery store, to load up on supplies such as Fruity Pebbles (LeBron's supposed favorite cereal), Sprite, and Powerade (now with a tongue-flashing LeBron on the label!):



For the fourth consecutive year, the cashier was definitely not amused by our jolly antics:



Fully equipped, we traveled down Market Street to the first holy site on our list, Portage Path Elementary School, where young LeBron was enrolled in the early 90s:



Playing on LeBron's boyhood playground was a privilege and a thrill, just like last year. We all raced down LeBron's boyhood slide at incredible speeds!



Next, it was off to St. Vincent-St. Mary High School, where LeBron spent four years dominating the basketball and football landscape of Ohio. Standing in front of the school, we saw something we had not noticed before—a street sign reading "King Ct" (which is presumably short for "King of the Court"). We knew it was a heavenly sign—literally!



We made our way down the enormous hill behind the school, to see if the SVSM football field was again unlocked. Finding the gate open, we went straight for the center of the field, where we bowed our heads in prayer to The Chosen One:



We also climbed into the bleachers, that we might take in the full experience of attending one of LeBron's high school football games:



Next we visited the Radisson Hotel in downtown Akron:



It was here, in the hotel's Grand Ballroom, that LeBron and his entourage set up camp during the 2003 NBA Draft Lottery. It was also here that LeBron held the press conference announcing his record-breaking Nike contract. We found the Grand Ballroom locked, of course, but that didn't stop us from making all our important, wheeling-and-dealing-type calls to our agents and such:



Later, things got a little loopy in the elevator:



But I digress. Before leaving downtown Akron, we headed to our customary Sprite-toasting place, where we... well, you know:



Next we poured out some Sprite for our fallen comrades. This was for you, Karen Johnston, John-David Filing, and, of course, American hero Sean Taylor!



Then, following a nonsensical LeBron Day tradition, Alex poured Sprite on my head:



We packed it up and left Akron behind, but the pilgrimage was not over. As we passed through Bath, OH, we decided to stop and check on the progress of the construction of LeBron's new mansion:



We found the house still not quite ready for occupancy, though a gate house had been built, and a security guard posted.

Finally, we arrived back in dear old Cleveland, where we joined up with our dear old friend Scott. It was there, on the steps of Quicken Loans Arena, as has been the custom for generations, that it would be time to bring the pilgrimage to an official close, with the ceremonial Tossing of Fruity Pebbles to the Wind:









So the pilgrimage was over. The LeBron Day festivities, however, were barely underway. We retreated to my downtown apartment for some well-deserved pizza and other comestibles. Once settled, our first order of business was to watch the Browns game:



Heartened by the Browns' thrilling, if meaningless, victory over the 49ers, and later joined by loyal pilgrim Max (who had been at the Browns game), we returned our attention to LeBron. It was time for the first-ever LeBron Olympics!

The rules were pretty simple: there would be five events, the last one being the "LeBron Lottery". After each of the first four events, notecards would be awarded to the top finishers. The cards had three-digit combinations written on them, one of which would prove to be the winning LeBron Lotto number!

The first event was a LeBron's Lightning Lemonade bubble-blowing contest. Each player had two chances to blow the biggest, longest-lasting bubble:



Ben took the first event with his gigantic bubble (not pictured).

The next event was "Pin the Halo Over the LeBron", which, I later discovered, bears a passing resemblance to a classic children's birthday party game. Well, whatever:



Scott managed to pin the halo in exactly the right spot (not pictured), possibly by cheating (the LeBron Olympic Review Board will be convening to discuss Scott's strategy), and thus took the Round 2 prize.

Next up was a LeBron trivia contest, similar to what we did last year:



Aaron wowed us with his impressive trivia-answering ability. It was neck-and-neck heading into the pivotal fourth event.

As anyone knows, the key to winning a LeBron Lottery is to pull off a successful "Tank for LeBron" campaign. Thus, the next event required our players to shoot at an inflatable basketball hoop, the goal being to miss the shots, but to make them look believable. Each player really had to channel his inner Ricky Davis for this one. Points would be awarded for each shot that hit the rim but did not go in. Points would be taken away for shots that went in the basket. Shots that missed the rim altogether would be considered neutral. The test was on:





In the end, it came down to a single point. Ben won the "Tank for LeBron" contest, carrying with him a slight overall lead (ie: the largest number of possible winning combinations) as we headed into the Lottery.

Alex, who had been responsible for preparing the Ping-Pong Balls of Destiny, placed his right hand on The Book of LeBron and swore everything was on the level:



Then, I reached into the hopper and drew out three ping-pong balls.

"The first pick in the 2007... recreation of the 2003 NBA Draft Lottery... goes to the person holding the combination... 5-8-9!!!"



Scott leapt for joy—he was the winner! He took home the grand prize (a LeBron action figure), though plenty of other LeBron-themed prizes were awarded, too:





At that point, we all gathered 'round to recite verses from The Book of LeBron:





Finally, we lit the candles on LeBron's magnificent birthday cake, and brought LeBron Day 2007 to a proper close:



All in all, it was another superb LeBron Day—possibly the best ever. Alex and I would like to wish every one of our loyal readers a blessed (belated) LeBron Day and a joyous new year! See you in 2008!

Okay, here's how this is going to work.

As you know, Sunday is LeBron Day, the holiest day of the year. As we always do, Alex and I will certainly be posting a lengthy recap of our LeBron Day celebration, complete with pictures and lots of recycled jokes. However, there is also a completely meaningless Browns game Sunday (which we will not miss—don't you worry), and we very much intend to bring you a full-length "Born and Raised" recapping the game. The problem is that Alex is skipping town first thing Monday and may have very limited access to his blogging accessories (cape, hat, thesaurus, etc.). So our plan is to post the LeBron Day wrap-up first (probably Monday), with "Born and Raised" coming later in the week (with Alex quite literally phoning it in). Then, if providence smiles upon us, and if I have time, "Born and Raised" will be very quickly followed up by a "regular season in review" type post, which will then be immediately followed up by a Pancake Preview Extravaganza. (If providence does not smile on us—that rat bastard!—you can expect to see my "regular season in review" type post sometime before April.)

So be patient, pray to The Chosen One, and have a blessed LeBron Day, if I don't see you!

This week, faithful readers, our beloved Colts wrap up the regular season with a final divisional battle. Can Tennessee waffle Indy, or will the Titans be French toast? Let's preview!

As always, the stats in this preview are borrowed from Football Outsiders' DVOA reports. Click here for a detailed explanation of how DVOA works.

Colts offense vs. Titans defense:

           IND offense  TEN defense
total DVOA    29.2%       -12.3%
passing       45.7%       -17.5%
rushing       11.3%        -4.9%

The Colts have the #2 offense in football, with a 2nd-ranked passing attack and a 4th-ranked rushing attack. Not surprisingly, Peyton Manning ranks second in the league with 126.4 passing DPAR. They should make a TV commercial about that! Anyway, the Colts are ridiculously efficient, and have almost no weaknesses on offense.

The Titans defense, meanwhile, has been the strength of the team (and the main reason they're fighting for a playoff spot). They rank 4th by DVOA (2nd vs. the pass, 15th vs. the run); however, they have been less successful in recent weeks, as their weighted DVOA of -7.2 ranks them only 9th in the NFL. The Colts would be well-advised to try to isolate their dominant wide receivers against the Titans' starting corners, as Tennessee has been known to surrender yardage to #1 and #2 receivers (-4.4% and 1.7% DVOA, respectively). They've been pretty dominant at shutting down other types of receivers, to be fair. Still, Advantage: Colts

Titans offense vs. Colts defense:

           TEN offense  IND defense
total DVOA    -6.2%       -12.4%
passing      -13.4%       -18.9%
rushing        0.0%        -6.0%

If you haven't seen much Colts football this year (though I can't understand why you wouldn't have—what else would have been watching all these Sundays?), you might be marginally surprised to learn that the Indianapolis defense has been dominant, ranking 2nd by DVOA. The key has been the #1-ranked pass defense, though the 10th-ranked run defense hasn't been too shabby either (certainly a huge improvement over last year). The Colts shut down all types of receivers pretty well, though #2 receivers (5.7% DVOA) and running backs (-5.4%) can have limited pass-catching success against them.

The Titans don't pose much of a threat on offense. They rank 21st in both regular and weighted DVOA, but just 23rd in passing offense. The one thing they have going for them is an ability to run the ball at an exactly league-average level. Running back Chris Brown has been by far the most efficient weapon, ranking 3rd among all running backs in rushing DVOA (26.0%); luckily, he gets less than 23% of the team's running back carries. The bulk of the workload goes to LenDale White, who's been below average on a per-play basis (-6.7% DVOA). Meanwhile, quarterback Vince Young has been inefficient with his passes (-11.9% DVOA, to rank 32nd). Interestingly, he's rushed more than any QB in football this year (71 attempts—the next most rushingest QB has only 37 attempts). The thing is, Young's rushing antics do very little to help his team, with a rushing DVOA of -22.5%. I feel the Colts should have no trouble holding the Tennessee offense in check. Advantage: Colts

Special teams matchups:

                         Colts    Titans
total DVOA               -4.9%     -2.0%
FG kicking              -11.7       8.5
IND kickoff vs. TEN KR  -16.4      -5.6
IND KR vs. TEN kickoff   -4.2       4.9
IND punt vs. TEN PR      -8.7      -6.8
IND PR vs. TEN punt      14.0     -11.7

The Colts are extremely weak in almost every area of special teams, which ranks them 30th in total special teams DVOA. Their saving grace is the punt return team, which ranks #2 in the NFL. The Titans are no special teams deities themselves (20th in DVOA), though they're better than the Colts. Their 30th-ranked punt team could have trouble containing Indy returner T.J. Rushing, but they hold the edge in each of the other areas (especially field goal kicking and kicking off). Advantage: Titans

Now, I know what you're thinking. The Colts are likely to rest some of their starters, so none of this information is relevant! Well, that's not entirely true. The bad part is, Jim Sorgi is no Peyton Manning, and it would be reasonable to expect less from the Colts' passing offense. The good part is, Football Outsiders has found that in the past, contrary to popular assumption, teams that rest their starters in Week 17 don't experience that big of a drop from their season-long DVOA, on average. All I'm saying is, I wouldn't take it as a given that Colts will play worse than they usually do. It's possible, but far from guaranteed.

At any rate, it should be a good, if nerve-wracking, game to watch. Go Colts!






I said "Go Colts!" What more do you want from me?






You're still here?






What's that? You want me to talk about the Browns and 49ers? Seriously? Well, okay...

                 Browns         49ers
offense        7.8% (10th)  -29.8% (32nd)
defense        8.7% (22nd)   12.1% (28th)
special teams  5.7% (4th)     6.1% (2nd)

San Francisco is the worst team in the NFL, and has been for the entire year. Their defense has improved a little bit, while the Browns offense has cooled off a little bit, but even then, the matchup is lopsided. The 49ers offense, meanwhile, is historically bad (they're no longer on pace to have the worst offensive DVOA on record; however, they're still in the picture). The Browns defense has really improved in recent weeks, having put forth its greatest effort last week against Cincinnati. San Francisco's one area of strength is special teams, where they've recently maneuvered past the Browns in DVOA. Their specialty is punting, at which they're the best in the NFL (23.5 pts over avg). Oh, and in case you're wondering, their kickoff team is good, but not great (2.6). All in all, this is a game the Browns will usually win, not that it matters. Enjoy this one, too! But don't forget to celebrate LeBron Day! And, uh... go Colts!

Last Sunday, every fan in attendance at New York City Browns Backers got a copy of this season's team photo. Happy to not have to listen to the CBS pre-game show any longer, I did what I always do when handed a picture of the Browns: try to name all the obscure ones.



Then I noticed something was a little off about Ryan Tucker, #72.



Every player except Tucker has a dark shadow obscuring his neck, from the bright noon sun overhead. Tucker, though, looks lit by a more universal source. The light seems to be coming from in front of him, rather than over his head. It might be from a photographer's flash, but it's definitely not the same sun seen on Joe Thomas to Tucker's left or Kelly Butler on his right.

With such a marked difference in light, it's easy to conclude that Tucker wasn't present at the team photo and was photoshopped in later. This is always evident in the abnormally large space between Tucker and Butler and Thomas, the two players to his sides. If you look at the other Browns, they're practically touching elbows. But Tucker has almost a foot buffer on either side.

I kept studying the photo and noticed the same oddities afflicting Ryan Tucker also affect Randy Lerner, in the blue suit. The shadow is all wrong and there's too much space between Lerner and Romeo Crennel and Lerner and Mike Keenan.



This photo was clearly taken during the preseason, hence the presence of players who've been cut in the interim (Charlie Frye, Ted Washington, et al.). During the preseason, Tucker was suspended for the first four regular-season games of 2007 for violating the league steroid policy. It would seem reasonable if he was banned from participating in team activities during the suspension, Tucker wouldn't have been allowed in for the team photo and had to be added at a later date. It would seem reasonable too to think that Lerner was too busy or out of town and thus couldn't make the team photo. The problem is that Tucker was allowed to practice with the team during that time. So why wouldn't he have been able to make picture day?

Now go back and take a closer look at that zoomed-in portion again. Check out the left leg of Melila Purcell, #60. You can see his foot underneath Romeo Crennel and between a sitting Braylon Edwards and Mike Adams. Is it just me, or does Purcell look eight feet tall?

You can go back to the full-sized photo to get your bearings, but my oh my, Purcell is a giant. If you don't see it, try to concentrate on the length of his left leg—it's nearly two-thirds of his body! I checked the official heights of the players standing in the third row, and they fit in just fine with Purcell's official height of 6'5". So, what's the problem then?

Look at Purcell's left leg again. Specifically, the portion directly underneath the left forearm of Romeo Crennel. It doesn't line up with his foot! Purcell's shin must be disjointed from the rest of his leg, or this too has been photoshopped!

Judging by the shadows and spacing, Purcell looks to have been present at the photo shoot that afternoon, so I am completely miffed why the Browns would add a phantom foot beside Romeo Crennel. Seriously, whose foot is that? It crossed my mind that this whole photograph could be staged, no players were present that day, and the whole thing was cobbled together from other pictures, but that doesn't explain the existence of the amateurish mistakes seen on Tucker or Lerner. Such an expert image editor wouldn't be so careless twice in the same picture, would they?

I'm left to wonder, what the heck is going on?

Much as Corey got to enjoy last week's blizzard from his throne in one of Cleveland Browns Stadium's opulent loges, I endured the Browns heart-breaking loss (and the searing cold winds) from Paul Brown Stadium, albeit not in a Pleasure Dome. Unfortunately, I don't have the pictures to prove it, but there isn't much from this week's game worth remembering, or sharing.

After each of Derek Anderson's first three interceptions, my father and I would have the same argument: what's to blame for the pick? He would say that the turnover happened because Anderson would stare down a receiver, get confused by the defense, etc. Namely, it was a mental mistake and he shouldn't have attempted the throw in the first place. I've since had the chance to watch the game's highlights, and the interceptions look much worse on television. At the game, it was at least conceivable Anderson could've gotten the ball to the receiver with a more accurate throw. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm not conceding defeat just yet. I'm just saying that television can distort things.

Anyway, surely most of you know about this already, but for those of you living under a rock, Vegas Watch breaks down the myriad of tie-breakers involved in determining who goes to the playoffs. And, at the end of the article, he determines that the 49ers game could still have meaning, believe it or not, if the Colts and Titans tie. With the stakes so low, I wonder whether the Browns will finally give some playing time to Brady Quinn. I've thought about the pros and cons of such a decision and here's what I came up with.

Pros of playing Quinn

• Coaches get to see him in (non-pre-season) game situations, leading to a more accurate assessment of his skill and likelihood of success in the N.F.L.

Cons of playing Quinn

• The possibility of an all-too-early kickoff to the impending Quinn-Anderson War
• Coaches making some kind of horrific Johnson-over-Flutie-esque blunder on the off chance the Browns are eating pancakes this time next week.

It would seem that pro outweighs the cons, as long as you trust the coaching staff not to be stupid enough to start some kind of quarterback holy war in the next couple weeks. God, I hope not.

Play of the Week

Corey says: The whole game was a series of dumb mistakes on the part of each team, so it's only fitting that the Browns' Play of the Week be Cincinnati's dumbest, most costly mistake: Leigh Bodden's second interception. To refresh your memory, with 7:44 left in the game and the Browns trailing by 12, Derek Anderson ruined what looked like a certain touchdown drive by throwing his fourth interception of the day, effectively killing the Browns' hopes. But wait! T.J. Houshmandzadeh fell down on the very next play, allowing Leigh Bodden to pick off Carson Palmer's pass, and, just as if nothing had happened, the Browns were back in business. They then scored a touchdown easily. Sure, they failed to score the next time it happened, but in that instant, it looked like Houshmandzadeh's fall might cost Cincinnati the game.

Alex says: I'm not so sure, Corey. How about Kenny Watson's fumble with 1:55 left in the fourth quarter? Up until that point, the Browns defense looked utterly incapable of stopping the Bengals from running on that drive. Everyone in the stadium—nay: the universe—knew exactly what was coming, but the linemen and linebackers especially seemed helpless to stop it. Before the fumble, Cincinnati had been successful on six of eight rushing plays that drive. The turnover gave the Browns one last, undeserved shot at saving their asses.

Player of the Week

Alex says: He's been much derided in these parts, but Jamal Lewis has played much better in recent weeks, he looks to be a different player. As Aaron Schatz noted in this week's edition of "Quick Reads", "Jamal Lewis through Week 10: 4.0 yards per carry, 36 percent Success Rate, -4.1 rushing DPAR. Jamal Lewis Weeks 11-16: 4.7 yards per carry, 51 percent Success Rate, 20.3 rushing DPAR." There are several explanations I can think of: (1) Lewis recovered fully from past injuries sometime around Week 10, (2) the offensive line improved in run blocking around Week 10, (3) Lewis is actually better in cold weather, which DVOA doesn't account for, and (4) blind luck. Guess which one my money's on.

Corey says: It's really, really nice to be able to say this: the Player of the Week is Eric Wright. Alternating between covering Chad Johnson and covering T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Wright had (probably) his best game as a pro. The Bengals tested him 5 times and came away with a single, 11-yard completion to show for it. As we all remember, Leigh Bodden had his breakout game against these very same Bengals in 2005. A coincidence? Probably!

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

Willie McGinest: But now we just got to put 100% into San Francisco.

Reporter: If Tennessee wins, uh—

Willie McGinest: I just said it doesn't, we don't really care what Tennessee does or what the scenarios are. All we focus on is San Francisco. We don't want to talk about scenarios. It's been up to us the whole year. It's been in our hands the whole year. We controlled our own destiny, so we're just going to go out, prepare hard, and try to beat San Francisco.

I don't have much to add, besides saying that the Browns are so focused on their opponents, it's almost as if they don't realize the implications of their play. Right, Corey?

Corey says:

"We're a playoff team, but we didn't play like it. We didn't play like a playoff team. We've got to do that." —Jamal Lewis

Gasp! Oh my LeBron! He said... p... pl... p-p-pancakes. See, I can't even type it! Clearly, the Browns lost the game because the all-knowing spirits of football predetermination knew that Jamal Lewis was going to jinx the team with his careless postgame comments. Oh, woe is us!

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: Cincinnati surprisingly chose to kick to Josh Cribbs. While the results weren't the highlight-reel-worthy returns we're used to, Josh did an excellent job nonetheless. He consistently gave the offense good field position (their own thirty-four-yard line, on average). Since this isn't a "moment" by definition, let's go with Josh's first return, for thirty-three yards. Why not?

Corey says: On the game's opening kickoff, Daven Holly issued one of the better tackles we've seen all year from a Brown. He absolutely creamed Glenn Holt at the Cincinnati 27-yard line, causing him to fumble the ball most instantly.

Devin Bush Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: On Monday afternoon, the Browns placed gunner extraordinaire Mike Adams on the injured reserve list with a knee injury. Farewell, Mike, we'll miss you. I sincerely hope to see you on the team again in 2008. Now a three-time winner of Obscure Brown of the Week (all from me, coincidentally), Adams is in rarefied air—productive enough to make plays each week while remaining obscure. And let's not forget the accomplishments of the Browns' last Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times-favorite gunner, Leigh Bodden.

Corey says: The Browns are awfully banged up on the defensive line. If you watched the game on TV, you heard Dan Dierdorf go on and on about how they only had 4 healthy D-linemen. Well, Dan, what about my Obscure Brown of the Week, rookie Leonard (middle name Appreicio) Louis? Huh? Louis graduated from Fresno State with a degree in criminology, so he would have been a perfect weapon to use against the Bengals! Romeo, you missed a big opportunity.

Fashion Item of the Week

Alex says: To differentiate Browns fans from Bengals fans at a Cleveland-Cincinnati game, one must have a very discerning eye for fashion. Seriously. Anyone with any deficiency in distinguishing dark brown from black, forget about it. Otherwise, next thing you know, you'll be trash talking someone from your side. Just a tip, though: orange zubaz means they're from southern Ohio.

Corey says: I've spent the last few weeks blasting the Browns for continuing to wear Sean Taylor memorial decals on their helmets—not because of anything having to do with Taylor himself—but because no other dead people have ever gotten this kind of treatment, and NFL uniforms look ridiculous enough these days, what with all the decals, green dots, American flags, anniversary patches, and corporate brands. Anyway, this week I read a most excellent posting on Paul Lukas' Uni Watch blog, in which Lukas lays out his reasons for being so curmudgeonly about what he calls "logo creep". I couldn't agree with him more. Check out the article, even if you're not as uniform-obsessed as I am.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: The Cincinnati Bengals' cheerleaders are known as the Ben-Gals. The name is kind of clever, in an idiotic way, but the pronunciation kept bothering me. The name is pronounced "ben gals", as if the hyphen separated two words, the name Ben and the word gals. The problem is that the n in Bengals isn't like a normal n. It's the same nasal sound you hear if you hold out the end of "ring" or "bang". Hearing Ben-Gals over and over was just another grating example of how far I was from home and their misunderstanding of clever names. Cavalier Girls, now we're talking!

Corey says: I'm going with the ref who called offensive pass interference on Braylon Edwards' 40-yard reception to begin the final drive of the game. I'm not saying whether the penalty was legit or not, but... gah! That one really stung. The ensuing 2-minute drill would have been fine if there had in fact been 3 minutes to go; however, Derek Anderson's short, over-the-middle passes (and 6-yard scramble... what was up with that one?) just didn't carry enough urgency given the amount of time left on the clock. Point is: it's all the ref's fault!

Oh, also: the New York Jets.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 0, or the amount the control the Browns have over their pancake aspirations. Though you already know that if you've read the introduction. I've got nothing. Anyway…

Corey says: I don't know what Carson Palmer's DPAR was for this game, but I have to think it's going to end up being his lowest of the season. (Edit: Palmer's DPAR came to -5.9, by far the worst of his season. Maybe the worst of his career...?) He passed for 115 yards (a season low), completing 52% of his passes (second-lowest of the season). My feeling about this game was that everyone on the Browns played either decent or well... except Derek Anderson (Anderson's suckiness being the reason the Browns lost). Palmer's poor numbers (keeping in mind that Cincinnati's pass offense has been dominant all year) are a testament to the fact that the Browns defense actually played well. Imagine that!

This Week on Josh's Cribbs

Corey says: The final episode of the remarkable first season of Josh's Cribbs opens with Josh and Maria looking for a Christmas tree. For some reason, they've decided to travel to a tree farm in Grafton, OH (which I think is somewhere in Indiana... there's no way to be certain). Josh leads the whole group on a wild goose chase across acres of farmland as he repeatedly spots the tree he wants, only to change his mind upon closer inspection. Later, Josh visits the home of Kellen and Janelle Winslow, which has got to be the most extravagant home of any Browns player. We get a quick tour; later, the Winslows host Josh, Maria, Ken Dorsey & wife, and Leon Williams & wife for a game of Pictionary. (Can it be a coincidence that Winslow, Dorsey, and Williams are the only three Miami Hurricanes on the Browns roster?) We don't get to see much of the game, but it's clear that Pictionary is not Josh's forte. Leon Williams' wife, however, seems like some kind of Pictionary savant. All in all, another great episode.

I have it on good authority (okay, the Josh's Cribbs producer e-mailed me) that over the next two weeks, FSN will air "best of" episodes, so if you haven't caught an installment of Josh's Cribbs yet, this might be a good time to catch the highlights. Then, between January 1st and 10th, they'll be running a Josh's Cribbs marathon, featuring all 17 episodes, in order. Don't miss it!

Pythagorean Moral Standings

Almost overcoming a three-score half-time deficit earned the Browns an unprecedented (non-Ravens) moral shut-out. One simply cannot say enough about the moral victory achieved by Derek Anderson and co., but I'll stop here. Pittsburgh eked out a moral victory against St. Louis. The Bengals, obviously, were shut out, as were the hapless Ravens.

            PMW   PML   pct
Cleveland  12.7   2.3  .847
Cincinnati  6.4   8.6  .427
Pittsburgh  6.4   8.6  .427
Baltimore   0.0  16.0  .000

Next week: Are you ready for some (meaningless) football? We sure are! On the holiest day of the year, no less! Read our final tune-up for the Maybe Pancakes on the next enthralling edition of "Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns"!

It's Pepto Bismol vs. Steptoe Bismol (or something...) as the march to pancake glory continues. That's right: it can only be time for another Browns preview!

All stats are borrowed from Football Outsiders' DVOA reports. Click here for a detailed 'splanation of how DVOA works.

Browns offense vs. Bengals defense:

           CLE offense  CIN defense
total DVOA    11.6%        12.2%
passing       21.0%        28.4%
rushing        1.2%        -5.5%

L'offense des Browns ranks 8th in regular DVOA (7th in weighted DVOA), with a 9th-ranked passing attack and a 10th-ranked running attack. Derek Anderson, despite having cooled off big time in the last few weeks, is all but guaranteed to finish the season as the best quarterback in New Browns history. His 79.5 passing DPAR (which ranks him 7th in the NFL) is, I think we can say, safely ahead of Trent Dilfer's 14.9 passing DPAR from 2005. Furthermore, his 71.0 career passing DPAR is comfortably ahead of Kelly Holcomb's career 33.0 DPAR as a Brown. Anderson could spend 2008 and 2009 duplicating the worst quarterback seasons in Browns history, and he still might come out of it having racked up more passing DPAR than Holcomb, Dilfer, or any of those other schlubs.

But I don't want to imply that Anderson is solely responsible for the gaudy numbers. The Browns have some great offensive weapons, one of the best offensive lines in the NFL, and a coordinator who's looking like quite the genius right about now. It's entirely possible that you could throw Holcomb, Dilfer, or even... I don't know... Brady Quinn into Anderson's circumstances, and they very well could rack up the same amount of DPAR, or more! The point is, Browns offense good.

Which brings me to point number two: Bengals defense bad. The Cincinnatians have hornswoggled their way to a defensive ranking of 29th (with a weighted ranking of 30th). And the problem has all been in stopping the pass (sound familiar?); the Bengals rank 31st in pass defense DVOA, but 13th in run defense DVOA. So the Browns would do extremely, extremely well to focus on airing it out, and save the rushing for when they need to kill clock. Getting more specific, the biggest area of weakness for the Bengals has been containing #1 receivers (38.4% DVOA, to rank 31st), which could spell success for Braylon Edwards. The next-biggest weakness has been containing—that's right—tight ends (22.1%, to rank 21st), which could spell success for Kellen Winslow. Yes sir, I'm very much liking the way these two units match up on one another. Huge advantage: Browns

Bengals offense vs. Browns defense:

           CIN offense  CLE defense
total DVOA    12.5%        11.0%
passing       24.8%        21.3%
rushing       -4.1%        -1.5%

The Browns rise to 26th in defensive DVOA, but of course the weather last weekend has a lot to do with that. They now rank 24th in weighted defensive DVOA (8.0%), which, again, is a reflection of last Sunday's weather, but also reflects some decent performances against the Jets, Cardinals and Texans (and the fact that we're getting further and further removed from the Opening Day debacle against the Steelers and the 51-45 shootout against the Bengals). The pass defense now ranks 28th by DVOA, while the run defense ranks 21st.

Many heads have been scratched in recent weeks over why, exactly, the Bengals' overall team DVOA keeps coming out so well (they now rank 15th overall but have recently ranked as high as 12th). The defense, as we've seen, stinks. And the special teams, as we'll soon see, have been okay but not great. Essentially, it all boils down to the fact that the Bengals offense has been deceptively efficient. They're only 13th in points scored, but they're 8th in points scored per drive. Furthermore, they have consistently been able to move the ball down the field with ease, but, for whatever reason (maybe just bad luck), they have tended to stall out between the 10 and the 20, resulting in a ton of short field goals. (And lest you get any ideas, the Bengals are one of the best in the NFL between the 10 and the goal line, which is why I suspect this "stalling out between the 10 and the 20" business has been a fluke of some kind.)

At any rate, the Bengals offense is better than the number of points they've scored (if that makes sense). That's why they have an offensive DVOA that ranks 6th in the league (7th in passing, 15th in rushing), and ultimately, it's the reason they've been able to keep their overall team DVOA above zero despite all their flaws. Point is, the Cincinnati passing attack is even better than the Browns' passing attack, and thus, more than capable of putting up points against the Browns' weak secondary. Advantage: Bengals

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns    Bengals
total DVOA                6.2%      0.0%
FG kicking                3.4       4.0
CLE kickoff vs. CIN KR    5.4      -0.6
CLE KR vs. CIN kickoff   28.9      -3.7
CLE punt vs. CIN PR      -7.0      -6.1
CLE PR vs. CIN punt       0.9       6.6

The Browns rank third in special teams DVOA, still boasting the best single special teams unit on record (the kickoff return unit). Surprisingly, the Browns have also gotten recent boosts in their field goal kicking (now ranked 10th) and kickoff kicking (now ranked 8th), but a drop-off in their punting (now ranked 24th) and a slight "market correction" for the almighty kickoff return team have kept the overall special teams DVOA from rising. The Bengals, meanwhile, rank 15th with an exactly average set of special teams. Their strengths are punting (6th) and field goal kicking (9th). Their weaknesses are returning punts (28th) and—praise LeBron—kicking off (23rd). Let's hope the Bengals are foolish enough to tempt fate once or twice. Otherwise, we're back to watching Darnell Dinkins smash into a crowd at the Browns' 40-yard line (which isn't so bad, ultimately). Advantage: Browns

As you remember, the last time these teams faced off, 96 points were scored. At the time, that result was written off as a minor fluke; however, in the ensuing 13 weeks, we've come to realize that the Browns' offense is that good, and that both these teams' defenses are that bad. I wouldn't bet on 96 points being scored again, but I would expect to see another high-scoring shootout. And I certainly wouldn't write this game off as an easy win for the Browns; the Bengals, perhaps more than any team in the NFL, are better than their won-lost record suggests—at least according to DVOA. Enjoy the game, my people.

Yes. You might have missed it, but it snowed yesterday! By my count, we received 42 feet, 7 inches of snow in three and a half hours. Luckily, as you can gather from all the pictures (click to enlarge, by the way), I was at the stadium to take it all in.





Oh, right. I was the, uh, elitist bastard enjoying the carnage from the toasty warmth of a warm, toasty loge suite on the 40-yard line. There's just something about the combination of football, Caesar salads, and watching 80,000 people with no feeling in their legs, like some kind of Roman emperor from above... it just makes life worth living! I'm sure you all agree, of course.

Not that I didn't have to face the cold a little. The walk from my apartment to the stadium alone was one of the more brutal experiences I've had in a while. I'm sure the TV coverage of the game emphasized the effects of the swirling winds, which were really the worst part of the whole storm. It wasn't actually that cold outside, but the winds whipping off the lake felt like, well, whips. And with snow flying into your face at such high speeds, you pretty much have to stare at your feet while you walk.

You know the foot bridge over the railroad tracks that everyone has to cross to get to the stadium? It was chaos. The steps leading down to the bridge had enough ice on them that they were no longer recognizable as steps. The ramp at the other end of the bridge was so icy, people were just sliding down and hoping not to knock anyone else over.

My point is, I don't know how the other 80,000 people managed to stay out in that brutal mess for a whole four hours. Of course, I'm sure every one of them will tell you it was worth it! Once again, that's not Northrax you're smelling... it's pancakes!

The Effects of Weather on Football Stuff

We might as well have this discussion right off the bat. Last week, I was a little skeptical of (not opposed to—just skeptical of) the popular notion that, in cold weather, you have to run the ball. Now, we could spend all day talking about the possible reasons why or how passing is made harder or easier in cold weather—ditto for rushing. What I said last week is that I would like to see the results of an honest, objective study of the data.

This week, it was clear the weather had a huge effect on the game, both the play-calling and the rate of success of the plays that did get called. It should be understood, though, that this game represents one data point, and a fringe one at that (the weather conditions being about as extreme as you'll ever see in an NFL game). I'm 100% on board with the idea that, in the worst possible conditions, the offense is put at a disadvantage, relative to the defense. I'm also willing to buy the argument that, in the worst possible conditions, the running game is put at less of a disadvantage than the passing game.

Wind, cold, and snow are three different elements, and it's nearly impossible for us to isolate the effects of each one on each type of football play, without the aid of some heavy data analysis (not to mention a mountain of data). If I had to offer my subjective opinion, based solely on my limited experience, and clearly influenced by watching yesterday's game, I would suggest that high wind affects the passing game more than cold temperature or heavy snowfall. All of Derek Anderson's throws looked like knuckleballs to me; there was just no guessing what kind of crazy turns they were going to take. Where the cold and the snow came into play, it seemed to me, was on the receivers' ability to hold onto the ball. This, however, affected the defense as well (it seemed like there were about as many dropped interceptions as there were dropped completions). The weather may also have affected both pass defenses in that neither one could mount a pass rush. This could be a function of the fact that neither Buffalo nor Cleveland has been able to mount a pass rush all year long, but it could also have been made worse by the playing conditions. Just throwing it out there.

At any rate, we should not ignore the effects of the weather on the running game, as well. Aside from the players' obvious struggles to gain footing while making blocks, the biggest effect may have been that, because of the conditions, the play-calling (especially Buffalo's play-calling) was shifted heavily in favor of the run, which allowed the Browns to load up on run defense pretty much all game long (which is something they do well already). This basically allowed them to forget about their most glaring weakness: pass defense. It also explains why the defense seemed to fall apart on the Bills' last-ditch drive (they started passing on every play).

So I would say that the weather not only put the kibosh on both teams' passing games; it also put the kibosh on Buffalo's running game. Of course, a look at the Browns' excellent rushing numbers for the day would seem to suggest the opposite. But it may have been the Browns' willingness to pass, even in spite of the low chance for success, that kept the Buffalo defense from doing exactly what the Browns defense did, and thus paved the way for Lewis' gaudy stats.

And I haven't even gotten to the special teams. It seemed to me that the weather had its biggest impact in that area. But I don't want to beat this issue into the ground any more than I already have. Basically, what I want to say is that, while it's clear extreme weather can kill NFL offenses, I don't think it always does. And while NFL coaches will certainly alter their play-calling in extreme conditions, I think they're probably overcompensating a bit. Anyway, on to your regular items...

Play of the Week

Alex says: As Corey said, the Browns defense was severely exposed on the Bills' final drive of the game, when they finally took to the air. Fortunately, the Bills basically punted their final play—a called screen (as far as I can tell) to Fred Jackson. It was 4th-and-5, so maybe a screen wasn't such a bad call. But then again, there were only fifteen seconds left and the Bills had no timeouts left. Did they expect Jackson to gain first-down yardage and get out of bounds? Or was it supposed to go ten yards for a touchdown? Either way, it was a poor call in my eyes.

Corey says: One of the offense's longest gains of the day was actually the result of a lucky break, but it was a really cool play. Early in the first quarter, Anderson threw across the middle to Braylon Edwards. As was the case so often in the game, the ball bounced off Braylon's fingertips, only to be plucked by a streaking Joe Jurevicius, who ran another fifteen yards or so before being brought down. The play helped to set up the Browns' first field goal, and showed the Bills that the Browns' passing attempts would still be real passes and not just short dump-offs. As I mentioned, I think that did a lot to keep the Buffalo defense out of Jamal Lewis' grill later in the game.

Player of the Week

Alex says: With Buffalo's passing game non-existent—you can thank the wind or perhaps Trent Edwards's inaccuracy—the Browns defense keyed in on the Buffalo backfield. Twenty-eight times the Bills handed the ball to either Marshawn Lynch or Fred Jackson and only one-fourth of those plays ended successfully. Andra Davis led the charge against Lynch and Jackson. He tied for the team lead in tackles, with six, but tackles can be a misleading statistic. Looking deeper into the play-by-play, you'd find he had a great afternoon. In the passing game, he made one tackle for a five-yard gain on 1st-and-10. He also knocked down Edwards twice on third downs; both resulted in incompletions. Against the run, he made five tackles, four for losses.

Corey says: On a day when Buffalo's #2-ranked punt team could scarcely get a kick off, Dave Zastudil had himself a great game, falling victim to the snowy conditions only once, when he slipped and fell, setting the Bills up at their own 41-yard line. The other six times he punted, the ball came down at the Bills' 20, 16, 1, 16, 13, and 20-yard lines. And of those, only twice was returner Jim Leonhard able to attempt a return. The best punt of the day was quite possibly the best punt of the year, not just in bad weather... and not just for the Browns. In the third quarter, the Browns had 4th-and-5 at their own 43; Zastudil booted one 56 yards that rolled to a halt at the Buffalo 1-yard line, where Mike Adams was only too happy to down it. Throw in the fact that Zastudil had the job of holding for Phil Dawson's field goal attempts (made extremely hard due to the unpredictable effect of the wind on long snaps, and the problems of setting up a kick on an icy surface), and I'd say the D-Zast-er had a game for the ages.

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"To get where we want to go, we have to keep winning. A team coming in here who has a good chance of going to the next level in the game. We also have that chance. We have to win to do it." —Josh Cribbs

There comes a point where the sheer amount of innuendo used by Browns players is just prohibitive. It doesn't seem that Romeo's ban on the p-word is very successful if players can talk with the media so openly about it. Oh wait, I forgot, as long as you don't say the word explicitly, you don't jinx yourself and there's always plausible deniability. Yeah, that's it. Josh wasn't talking about the [pancakes], he was talking about getting to the next level in Sonic the Hedgehog! Keep up the hard work, boys, you'll make it to Act 3 soon enough.

Corey says:

"The cosmos tends towards greater entropy, as man tends towards ever more destructive tendencies and the AFC North tends towards the passing game, and the only constant in our mutable world is change—we cannot afford the illusion of control. Our playbook, like the books of our very lives, is writ on water; we die a little every day on the field and off, and each step we take brings us closer to ruin and heartbreak, if not the goal line; and also, regardless of the outcome against Buffalo, we really need either the Titans or the Broncos to lose at least one game." —Romeo Crennel

Taken out of context, this quote, from earlier in the week, can seem strange, but still, it shows off Romeo's thoughtful side. Well said, coach!

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Corey says: It was a pretty wacky day for special teams—mostly good for the Browns (or, I should say, bad for the Bills). The highlight, for me, was Le Fils d'Awesome's second field goal, which caromed off... you guess it: the Dawson Bar! Kicking anything (let alone a 49-yard field goal) in those conditions has got to be near impossible. But both Dawson and the D-Zast-er had great games! Spe-cial teams! Spe-cial teams!

Alex says: He hit the Dawson Bar again! Now we really have to name the thing after him. Add to that it was a forty-nine yarder, in swirling, forty-mile-per-hour winds, freezing temperatures, with snow up to his ankles. The kick had me the most excited I've ever been for a non-game-winning field goal. All hail Dawson!

Romeo Brandison Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: In recent years, as the weeks go by, the injuries pile up for the Browns. By Week 16, half of the opening day roster is on the IR and Corey and I have the luxury of choosing between thousands of Obscure Browns. Thankfully, this season has been a little different. But I have to give the Browns credit. They've still been able to sneak a new Obscure Brown or two onto the roster every week. This time it's veteran linebacker Keith Adams, recently waived by Pittsburgh. Welcome to the League of Obscure Browns, Keith!

Corey says: Apparently, it's now a rule that the Browns must add at least one obscure player to the roster each week. This week, they signed two: offensive lineman Marvin Philip and Adams (waiving former Obscure Browns of the Week Colby Bockwoldt and Greg Eslinger). In trying to decide which of these two obscurities to select as Obscure Brown of the Week, I had to weigh all the facts. Adams did major in "parks, recreation and tourism management" at Clemson. Philip, on the other hand, is a "superb rugby player who earned team MVP accolades", presumably at Cal. In the end, I'm going with Philip, because... well, he won the coin toss.

Fashion Item of the Week

Alex says:

"It also was a nice move for Anderson to wear short sleeves, no gloves and project an attitude of, 'Cold? You mean it's cold? Not me! This is fun!'" —Terry Pluto

When the Buffalo Bills saw that Derek Anderson wasn't wearing sleeves, you know they were scared. Only a crazy quarterback wouldn't wear sleeves. It's almost like he's having fun out there. That's insane! And when they saw him wearing an oven mitt, they must've been scared half to death. Not only is having fun, he's baking on the sideline!

Corey says: It's Week 3 of Sean Taylor Helmet Memorial Watch! As you know, Sean Taylor was such a great, great person—the greatest of all time, really—that he definitely deserves to be memorialized in a manner more than ten times more grandiose than anyone associated with the NFL who's ever died before. Well played, Browns!

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: Something about all that snow and the Browns fifty-eight minutes and nine seconds of domination made this week's games of the most pleasurable viewing experiences for me of the new Browns era. With the lack of something seriously upsetting, I'm going to have to revert to my default selection for Idiot of the Week: Ray Lewis. Because you know he's probably burning down an orphanage somewhere in Greater Baltimore right now.

Corey says: Last year, following the Browns' Week 16 loss to the Buccaneers, I wrote:

The Idiot of the Week is, naturally, my old nemesis: the sun. Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun. And when we sat down to look over the Browns' schedule all those months ago so as to select which game to get tickets to, I exclaimed, "December 24! Against Tampa Bay! It's going to be colder than McMurdo Station! It will be the greatest experience of our lives!" Naturally, the sun had other plans for the Browns. He turned Northeastern Ohio into a Florida-like haven of warmth and strip malls and old people. (Okay, just warmth.) You may have won the battle, you son of a bitch, but you haven't won the war!

Won the war, indeed! Who's laughing now, you insufferable S.O.B?!

Number of the Week

Alex says: 3.76, or Trent Edwards's adjusted yards per attempt for the game. This figure is the lowest allowed all season by the Browns from an opponent's starter. It's also the biggest drop from the player's season-to-date AY/A, less his performance against the Browns. I know this from a handy spreadsheet I made, which compiles the AY/A for each of the Browns opponents so far. On the sheet named "Data", you'll see the numbers. On the sheet named "Charts", you'll see how both AY/A allowed and AY/A allowed divided by AY/A accumulated by that quarterback during the rest of season have been trending downwards since in the last few weeks. Unfortunately, the most likely explanation is simple regression to the mean, rather than actual improvement, so keep praying for more blizzards.

Corey says: -0.1, or Trent Edwards' total DPAR for the game. Sufficed to say, this is the lowest such total a starting quarterback has put up against the Browns this season. I know the weather had a lot to do with that, but some part of me desperately wants to believe the Browns defense actually had some success on its own merits. For the record, Derek Anderson put up a total DPAR of 1.2, all of it passing. Jamal Lewis' DPAR was not listed on Football Outsiders' weekly "Quick Reads" column, just that he ranked 10th in total DPAR for Week 15 among all running backs. Though in this week's "Audibles at the Lines," Aaron Schatz notes that he wants to add a weather adjustment to rushing and passing DVOA.

This Week on Josh's Cribbs

Corey says: Josh visits the dentist (in this case, Dr. Amira Baker, fiancée of D'Qwell Jackson) for the first time in a long while. It is clearly an obligation that terrifies him, which makes for pretty amusing television. At the end of the visit, Dr. Baker plays a prank on Josh (and prays on his fears), telling him he happens to be in the office the same day as "the specialist", who would like to come take a look at his teeth. "The specialist" is actually D'Qwell, who hides his identity with a surgical mask and acts like he's about to perform some invasive procedure. A good laugh is shared by all. Later, Josh tries out a new barber shop (Superfly II in East Cleveland) to get his dreads rolled. This segment was less entertaining than the dentist visit, but it was still neat to see Josh interacting with regular people, so to speak.

Pythagorean Moral Standings

The Browns enjoyed their most lopsided moral victory of the season. The Bengals got morally shut out, losing to the worst team in the NFL (according to DVOA, anyway). The Steelers, too, suffered a moral loss, as they watch their season run off the tracks. The Ravens limped back to Hades after yet another moral embarrassment.

            PMW   PML   pct
Cleveland  11.7   2.3  .836
Cincinnati  6.4   7.6  .457
Pittsburgh  5.8   8.2  .414
Baltimore   0.0  15.0  .000

Next week: The Browns cook a huge pancake breakfast for the entire population of Greater Cincinnati, who, despite repeated attempts to pour chili all over everything, are grateful. Later, the Browns beat the Bengals by a million points. See you next time, on another "Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns"!

Here are a few mostly unrelated thoughts about Brady Quinn I've been meaning to write down for a while.

• Last draft day, the Browns traded their second-round pick (thiry-sixth overall) and their 2008 first-round pick for the Cowboys' first-round pick—essentially, Brady Quinn. At the time, there was plenty of debate of whether this was a fair trade or not. Using a standard draft value chart, The Browns' second-rounder was worth 540 points and the Cowboy's first-rounder 780. Looking at the issue as simply as possibly, if the Browns' 2008 first-round pick is worth more than 240 points (the difference between 780 and 540), Dallas gets the better end of the deal. Unfortunately, the break-even selection worth 240 points is the seventieth, in the third round.
  
  There's certainly more to this debate than that, though. Some argued that since Quinn had fallen so far (he was predicted to be a top-five pick by most), the Browns effectively were receiving a top-five pick—worth at least 1,700 points. Using this line of thinking, the break-even value for the Browns' 2008 first-rounder would be 1160, or approximately the thirteen pick.
  
  Let's do some fuzzy conjecture. You can't pin the team's success on one player, of course, but it'd be hard to argue that Brady Quinn would have the team performing any better had he been starting over Derek Anderson. I'll be conservative and say that with Anderson starting, the Browns will go 9-7. Over the previous three seasons, teams with nine regular-season wins have gotten the twenty-first selection in the draft, on average. Had Anderson been replaced by Quinn, let's say the team would've gone 7-9, due to Quinn's rookie mistakes, growing pains, whatever. Teams with seven wins have gotten the thirteenth pick.
  
  So, improving from a 7-9 team to a 9-7 one represents a 350-point loss for the Browns. To put it another way, starting Anderson over Quinn has deprived the Browns the equivalent of an extra late second-round pick. But the joke's on the Cowboys, since they're the ones missing out on this value.
  
  Interestingly enough, the great play of Derek Anderson is lessening the margin by which Cowboys "won" the trade, or widening the gap by which the Browns "won," depending upon your outlook. Either way, Anderson is pushing the scales in the Browns' favor. By sitting Quinn, the Browns paradoxically are helping themselves "win" the Quinn trade, as far as the 2008 draft is concerned.
  
  
• At first, Quinn was the Golden Boy, the savior of the franchise. All that he needed was a little time to learn the playbook. Then the preseason came around. While both Anderson and Charlie Frye sucked robot balls, Quinn played the part of football deity. It was during this time that Corey or I had an extended take on Quinn and Cleveland was just brimming with optimism. Before the Week 1 game against Pittsburgh, I predicted there'd be "BRA-DY!" chants at New York City Browns Backers by the second quarter. I was right.
  
  Since Derek Anderson became the starter and has been so impressive, the only mentions of Quinn concern whether he should be traded. There's even been something of a backlash I've noticed. During Quinn's recently-premiered Subway commercials, sometimes at Browns Backers he'll be half-mockingly booed. "Where's Anderson's commercial?" they joke.
  
  Quinn had no say in Anderson getting a shot at starting before he did. And Anderson's success had nothing to do with having Quinn behind him. Through no action of his own, Quinn has gone from object of worship to a football-playing pariah. Am I the only one who feels bad for him? I think we're all riding high on the Browns' unexpected success so much, it's easy to deride Quinn and think of him as a member of the 2007 Week 1-and-prior, sucky Browns. I'm still rooting for him, and would it be blasphemous to say that I think he'll be better than Anderson as soon as next season?
  
  
• As a parting shot, I encourage you to read JKL's article on the Pro-football-reference.com blog about Anderson and Quinn. He looks at the performance records of comparable QBs for both players to check whose side history is on. It's a nice objective take on the looming Anderson–Quinn controversy.

Can the Browns buffalo Buffalo? Will Braylon Edwards be doing the pancake dance in the endzone? Will we all be doing the pancake dance Monday morning? Do you think I can phrase every sentence in this Browns preview in the form of a question?

Hey, did you know that the stats in this preview come from Football Outsiders' weekly DVOA reports? Have you clicked here yet to learn all about how DVOA works?

Browns offense vs. Bills defense:

           CLE offense  BUF defense
total DVOA    12.5%         2.5%
passing       22.9%         7.5%
rushing        0.7%        -3.9%

Are you getting tired of all these sentences in the form of a question? 'Cause I am! Anyway, the Browns continue to have the NFL's 7th-best offense. They're 8th in passing and 11th in rushing. And even though some of Derek Anderson's gaudiest performances came earlier in the year, the Browns' weighted offensive DVOA shows that they've actually been getting better in recent weeks (14.9%, to rank 6th). I'm sure this has a lot to do with the major improvement we've seen in the running game lately. Jamal Lewis has still been extremely boom-or-bust, which, in general, is a bad thing, but his booms, at least, have been more plentiful in the last few weeks than they had been early in the season. On top of that, the Browns' other running backs continue to have good success when they are handed the ball. Overall, this has gone from the offense's biggest weakness to a minor strength.

Defensively, the Bills have been near-average. Their DVOA ranks them 18th, while their weighted DVOA (1.0%) ranks them 17th. And even though they have been more effective at stopping the run than stopping the pass, they rank higher in pass defense (15th) than run defense (18th) due to peculiarities of the other 31 teams' ratings. When passing, the Browns ought to look for the wide receiver matched up on Buffalo's #2 cornerback (either Jabari Greer or Ashton Youboty). The Bills have had problems containing their opponents' #2 receivers (31.8% DVOA, to rank 28th), but been good at containing all other types of receivers. I am merely hypothesizing that this is due to a weak tandem at the #2 corner, but if I'm right, the Browns should do everything they can to create favorable matchups. Meanwhile, the Buffalo front seven has actually been worse than the Browns' at pressuring the QB (if you can believe it). They have recorded a sack on only 4.5% of passing plays, which ranks them 30th in the NFL. I expect the Browns to have ample opportunities for offensive success. Advantage: Browns

Bills offense vs. Browns defense:

           BUF offense  CLE defense
total DVOA    -2.6%        12.3%
passing        0.5%        22.4%
rushing       -5.4%        -0.1%

I felt that last week's performance against the Jets was the Browns defense's strongest, and DVOA seems to agree (though I don't have the totals for each individual game). The team's defensive DVOA ranking has risen to 27th, the highest it's been all year. And the weighted numbers have the Browns at 26th, exactly 10.0% worse than league average. Cleveland now ranks 29th at defending the pass and 24th at defending the run. It's a slight improvement, but I'll take it.

The Bills rank 20th in offensive DVOA, but have really improved in recent weeks. The difference between their actual and weighted DVOAs is one of the largest of any team (weighted, they rank 17th with a 0.9% DVOA). That said, I spent a long time trying to figure out what, exactly, they do particularly well. Their starting QB (Trent Edwards) ranks 21st in both passing DPAR (13.9) and DVOA (3.8%). None of their receiving targets rate especially well (and those with the highest receiving DVOAs have not been thrown the ball very often). Finally, I realized that Buffalo succeeds simply by not having any major weak links. They're average and forgettable. Which ought to be enough to score points against the Browns defense. Advantage: Bills

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns     Bills
total DVOA                7.1%      5.1%
FG kicking                2.0       6.8
CLE kickoff vs. BUF KR    4.5       4.0
CLE KR vs. BUF kickoff   30.7      -4.0
CLE punt vs. BUF PR      -4.6       4.7
CLE PR vs. BUF punt       1.4      12.9

The Browns still rank 2nd in special teams DVOA (also in weighted DVOA), while the Bills rank 6th (7th in weighted). The kickoff return team is still (probably) the most dominant force in special teams history; it's just that no one seems willing to give Josh Cribbs any decent return opportunities anymore. Oh well, the field position will still be excellent. Buffalo ranks 23rd in kicking off, so, if they do decide to kick off in a regular fashion (which they probably won't), there's a very good chance to see some more magic. In other news, the Browns' kickoff team had a great game against the highly-rated Jets return team, and now ranks 7th in the league. Buffalo's strongest suits have been punting (they rank 2nd), field goal kicking (4th), and returning punts (tied for 9th)—all areas in which they'll hold a decided advantage over the Browns. Still, let's be serious... Advantage: Browns

I invite you to name an NFL team that's more average and nondescript than the Buffalo Bills. The Bills have not been the most consistent team in the league, as they started the year poorly and have slowly grown stronger, but all along they have been about as balanced as possible, without any glaring strengths on offense or defense—and without any glaring weaknesses.

The Browns are clearly better than the Bills, but Buffalo's slow climb up the rankings has actually brought them within sniffing distance. Their overall DVOA of o.o% (go figure) ranks them 17th in the NFL; their weighted DVOA of 4.4% ranks them 13th, 2 spots behind Cleveland. Consider, too, that a win for the Bills would put them in possession of the AFC's #6 seed (bumping the Browns). On the flip side, a win for the Browns, combined with a few other results, could actually clinch a pancake berth. Point is, a lot is riding on this one. But you knew that already. See you at the stadium!

Finally, John-David Filing, if you're reading this, please e-mail me. Thank you!

"This was the kind of game that makes you believe the Browns will make the playoffs." —Terry Pluto

I started this edition of Born and Raised with a quote from Terry Pluto's Monday morning article, "Browns turning fans into [pancakes] believers," to highlight the wrongheadedness of so many football analysts. Just scraping by against a bad team like the Jets—and they truly have been a bad team this season—is not an indicator of pancakes-preparedness. In fact, I'd say it's the opposite.

You know what is an indicator of pancakes-preparedness? Beating the ever-loving shit out of a bad team. And I'm not just pulling this stuff out of nowhere. According to Aaron Schatz of Football Outsiders, the best predictor of post-season success is not "knowing how to win" or any crazy maxim like that. He wrote, "People want to believe that the teams that can win the close ones are championship teams. But as counter-intuitive as it sounds, championship teams are generally defined by their ability to easily win games over inferior teams."

Granted, barely beating the Jets is the same as badly beating the Jets in that they're both worth one win in the standings. But barely beating them is barely a good thing, while stomping all over them would've been great. The Browns have a good chance of reaching the post-season, and they do deserve it. This week's game just isn't evidence of that.

Play of the Week

Alex says: By my count, Jamal Lewis broke at least six tackles on his fourth-quarter, thirty-one-yard, nearly-game-clinching touchdown. Without doing any fancy-pants "research," I think we can safely conclude that Lewis's 5.2 yards per broken tackle in the last 1:31 of the game represent the new team record in that category. Way to go, Jamal—even though your overall game wasn't nearly as successful as people think.

Corey says: Braylon Edwards' franchise-record-tying touchdown catch was one of his coolest-looking catches of the year, and that's really saying something. Not only did he see the play all the way to completion without ever using his left hand; he snared the ball between his right hand and right shoulder, as if flexing a bicep. The guy may be a little inconsistent, but give him credit: he makes catches only a superstar makes.

Player of the Week

Alex says: He only made two plays, which may not be enough to qualify him as the Player of the Week, but he's definitely not an Obscure Brown, so I say: meh, whatever. Jerome Harrison, I choose you. Jerome got two carries on consecutive 1st-and-10s, and gained seventeen then four yards—both successes. Considering this and his other great running earlier this season, why doesn't Harrison get more touches? Now, I realize that Harrison might've benefitted from the defense being "worn down" by Jamal Lewis, but I'm not advocating benching Lewis. Just use the two more efficiently. I know that Harrison could be a great change of pace back, especially for more than two snaps.

Corey says: It's fair to say that Mistake by the Lake fave Leigh Bodden has had a disappointing season, especially by his own lofty standards. However, this week we saw a mini-return to the Bodden of 2005-2006. When he has one of his great games, it's usually not by making lots of acrobatic plays, swatting balls to the ground, and intercepting passes; it's by covering his man so well that the opposing quarterback never even tests him. Sure enough, the Jets only tested Bodden once, by my unofficial count, and the only other times Leigh shows up in the play-by-play are when he was cleaning up other people's mess (like making tackles on running plays, etc.). Basically, it was a non-sight for sore eyes.

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"[The defense] bent some, but we didn't break." —Kamerion Wimbley

Didn't break? Didn't break?! What then do you call giving up three scoring drives in the final five minutes of the game? Sure, for the last two, the Jets had very good field position. But that didn't cause the defense to allow four first downs on those two drives. Clearly, the defense remains the weak spot for the Browns. They've improved slightly since the weekly meltdowns of early 2007. With a decent defense, who knows how far this team could go?

Corey says:

"When it started raining, I knew we'd have to run." —Jamal Lewis

"It's cold, so you want to run the football." —Jamal Lewis

I don't want to single out Lewis, because this opinion, it seems to me, is shared by most: when it's cold, you run. Now, I realize that many in the media will haphazardly jump on any excuse to advocate rushing, rushing, and more rushing. But I don't understand the specific logic behind this one. Is it that running backs are supposedly the tougher players and therefore are less affected by the cold? At any rate, I am going to hypothesize that passing success and running success are affected by weather conditions to (more or less) the same degree. And that's if they're affected at all: doesn't the cold affect the defense too? I can't remember if I've read articles about this before; I welcome anyone to chime in if they're aware of a serious study.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: Le Fils d'Awesome's forty-nine-yard field goal early in the fourth quarter just barely squeaked inside the upright. Now, for some, that's cutting it close. But for Phil—Human, Robot, Borg, or otherwise—that's as close to "right down the pipe" as you're going to get for a 40+ yarder. That Dawson's kickoffs only travelled, on average, 53.2 yards speaks to the difficultly of kicking long-distance with accuracy in Giants Stadium.

Corey says: The Browns' vaunted kickoff return team only got two opportunities in the game. The Jets' vaunted kickoff return team, however, got several more than that, and I'm pleased to say the Browns' kickoff team did an excellent job holding them in check. On the opening kickoff, the Jets started from the 10-yard line due to a muff. The next two times, the Jets started at the 30- and 32-yard lines. Then there was my Special Teams Moment of the Week: Jason Wright's stop of Leon Washington at the Jets' 20-yard line early in the fourth quarter. Finally, late in the fourth quarter, the Jets ended up with good field position (the 40-yard line) due to an extremely short kick. All in all, though, it was a good day for the kickoff team.

Madre Hill Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: The Browns' first four draft picks from this season have all made a name for themselves one way or another: Joe Thomas, Brady Quinn, Eric Wright, Brandon McDonald. But tell me, can you name the team's next pick, from the sixth round? Too late, it's Melila Purcell III, a defensive end out of Hawaii. As Corey has noted before, Melila is Samoan, which I believe is a Browns second, after Pio Sagapolutele. Here's to the first of his (hopefully) many Obscure Brown of the Week awards!

Corey says: Another week, another recently-acquired Brown you've never heard of. This time it's linebacker Colby Bockwoldt, signed to replace the injured Kris Griffin. Bockwoldt, a four-year special teams veteran, last appeared on the prestigious San Francisco 49ers practice squad. He instantly becomes one of the top 11 current Cleveland athletes to share his name with a variety of cheese.

Fashion Item of the Week

Alex says: I got nothing, I really do. Except those orange parkas are always kind of an eyesore. Can't they make them brown or something? Just a little elegance would be nice.

Corey says: You may accuse me of being an unfeeling robot if you wish, but why must the Browns (and 30 other NFL teams) continue to wear helmet decals memorializing fallen hero/greatest American patriot Sean Taylor? Plenty of football players have died before—a number of them in-season—and there was no league-wide, mandatory memorial patch or decal, let alone a multi-week one. I suspect the answer is that Sean Taylor was a starter, and famous. But the Browns are already memorializing Bill Willis on the back of their helmets. One of these days, NFL uniforms are going to look like boy scout costumes, with 43-year anniversary patches, team captain logos, green dots on the helmets, 25 dead people's initials, and "My other helmet is a BMW" decals. Enough is enough! You can mourn the loss of Sean Taylor without wearing his initials everywhere you go. More importantly, mourning is personal: the players of the NFL should not be forced to do it publicly, or at all.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: The Jets were facing a 4th-and-10 with 1:48 left, down by five. Eric Mangini sent in the kicking unit—and Mike Nugent made the 38-yarder—but was this the right decision? After the kick, to win the game, the Jets would've needed to recover an onside kick, gain at least twenty-five yards, and hit another field goal. It'll be inexact, but let's do some back-of-the-envelope calculations. I didn't feel like looking too hard, but I found that last season about one-in-four onside kicks in obvious onside-kicking situations were successful. Let's say the Jets' chances of gaining twenty-five yards and leaving themselves with enough time to attempt a field goal (they did have three timeouts left) are 90%, which is pretty generous. For his career, Mike Nugent has made field goals over thirty yards three-quarters of the time. So, using these numbers, when Mangini decided to send in Nugent, his team's chances of winning was about 12%. Mangini could've, however, gone for it on fourth down—a first down would've put them at the ten, at worst. Their chances of punching it in from there would be pretty high, 60% maybe? So, for the kicking it strategy to be the best, the probability of converting a 4th-and-10 would have to be lower than one-in-five. Personally, I think that they had a much better chance of converting than one-in-five. This is a roundabout way of saying that I think Mangini messed up his endgame strategy and he's my Idiot of the Week.

Corey says: I, too, would like to know what the heck Mangini was thinking. But hey, I'm not complaining. It's just that I don't think there's any degree of lopsided, over-generous calculation you can do that will show that your chance of recovering an onside kick is better than your chance of converting a 4th-and-10. But that's just me.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 26, or the number of rushing plays called by Rob Chudzinski. Now, that number on its own isn't terribly interesting, but I broke down the rushing plays by direction and success. You might remember from Corey's Browns–Jets preview, the maxim of "the lefter, the better," meaning that the further left the Browns rush, the more success they find, according to Adjusted Line Yards. Paradoxically, they have rushed to the left much less often than other teams. But this week, that pattern was reversed. The Browns rushed twelve times to the left (marked "left end" or "left tackle"), nine times up the middle ("left guard," "up the middle," or "right guard"), and only five times to the right ("right tackle" or "right end"). And did pounding the ball to the left result in more success? Well, it depends on your outlook. The three longest runs of the day all went to the left, but it's hard to attribute the difference between a twelve-yard and forty-yard run to the offensive line. Using success rate, we see that the Browns were much better running to the right—80% of rushes were successful, compared to 22% up the middle, and 42% to the left.

Corey says: We'll have a better idea tomorrow (when this page is updated), but for now, my best estimate as to the Browns' pancake odds is... 70%. With about a 10% chance of winning the AFC North. I will further conjecture that if they beat the Bills next weekend, their pancake odds will rise to—at the minimum—90%. Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times: your one-stop shop for completely made-up, hypothetical statistics!!!

This Week on Josh's Cribbs

Corey says: The latest installment of Josh's Cribbs finds Josh taking part in a pair of activities: first, taking his two dogs to the groomer, and second, recording music in his basement studio with teammate Brandon McDonald. McDonald is on hand for his (supposedly) renowned R&B singing voice. Interestingly, he's the first Browns teammate of Josh's to appear on the TV show without giving an interview for the camera (apparently, he's shy). This was a very low-key episode; once again, I'm hoping for something a little zanier next week.

Pythagorean Moral Standings

Well, obviously, the Browns crushed the Jets. At this point of the season, the Jets' only hope is for other teams to get caught cheating against them and have their crushing moral wins nullified by the league. Meanwhile, the Steelers did their best Jets impression, getting morally destroyed by New England. Baltimore, as always, got shut out—this time by the Colts. Oh yeah, Cincinnati lost too.

            PMW   PML   pct
Cleveland  10.7   2.3  .823
Cincinnati  6.4   6.6  .492
Pittsburgh  5.6   7.4  .431
Baltimore   0.0  14.0  .000

Next week: The Buffalo Bills become the first in a series of falling dominoes at the hands of the mighty Browns, their blue-collar play and their blue-collar fans. We'll be here to potentially spray the literary champagne all over our parents' basement on the next edition of Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns!

B! R! O! W! Brow! Brow! Brow! ns!

As always, the stats in this preview come from Football Outsiders' DVOA reports. Click here for an explanation of how DVOA works.

Browns offense vs. Jets defense:

           CLE offense  NYJ defense
total DVOA    13.5%        15.3%
passing       25.5%        18.9%
rushing       -0.3%        12.3%

The Browns rank 7th in offensive DVOA, though they rank 5th in weighted DVOA, in which recent performance counts for more than, say... whatever Charlie Frye may have done those many moons ago. Passing-wise, the Browns rank 7th and running-wise, they rank 12th. The pattern of "the lefter, the better" that we noted early on with regard to the Browns' rushing has only been reinforced of late, even as the Browns have improved their running game across the board. Observe the decline in Adjusted Line Yards as we go from left to right:

               ALY  rank
left end      5.73    1
left tackle   5.04    7
mid/guard     4.35    9
right tackle  4.18   19
right end     3.35   24

You may not know it, because the Browns only rush "left end" on 5% of their runs (compared to the league average of 11%), but when they run outside to the left, they do it better than any team in football. They're not too shabby at pounding it behind Thomas and Steinbach, either.

The Jets defense ranks dead last according to DVOA. Bear in mind, though, that they've been much, much better of late. They rank only 27th in weighted DVOA, which is really a reflection of the fact that over the last five games, they rank 9th. Many have attributed the sudden change to the insertion of rookie linebacker David Harris into the starting lineup. That explanation is plausible, though probably an oversimplification. I'll be keeping an eye on #52, anyway, just to see what all the fuss is about. At any rate, even if they are the 9th-best defense in the league, which they're probably not, New York will have a tough time keeping pace with the Browns offense. Advantage: Browns

Jets offense vs. Browns defense:

           NYJ offense  CLE defense
total DVOA    -6.3%        13.7%
passing       -2.9%        24.6%
rushing      -10.0%         0.1%

The Browns continue to rank 30th in defensive DVOA: 31st against the pass and 24th against the run. By now, we all have a pretty good idea what the issues are: lack of pressure on opposing QBs (the Browns record a sack on 4.7% of passing plays, to rank 30th in the NFL) and lax coverage in the secondary that allows opposing pass-catchers—especially tight ends (25.8% DVOA) and "other" receivers (24.0%)—to get wide open.

The Jets rank 22nd in offensive DVOA, both normal and weighted. Their passing attack ranks 20th and their running game ranks 19th. One thing that makes them unique is their propensity for trick (or unusual) plays and formations. There are two wide receivers in particular who get a lot of touches in the backfield. One of them, Brad Smith, has had 9 carries and tons of attention, but his rushing attempts have actually been quite unsuccessful (-44.3% DVOA). The other one, Jerricho Cotchery, has had only 4 rushes, but been very efficient (20.5%). Other than that, though, the only player who's been particularly effective for the Jets has been tight end Chris Baker, with his 17.8% receiving DVOA and 7.8 DPAR. Everyone else has been about average, or well below it. Slight advantage: Jets

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns     Jets
total DVOA                7.3%      5.3%
FG kicking                0.3      -0.2
CLE kickoff vs. NYJ KR    1.5      20.8
CLE KR vs. NYJ kickoff   30.1      -6.9
CLE punt vs. NYJ PR      -2.1       6.5
CLE PR vs. NYJ punt       2.2       2.9

This game is rightly being billed as the matchup of the two best kickoff return teams in the NFL. However, not only have the Browns' kick returns been superior to the Jets' by a significant degree, the Jets have the weaker kickoff team (they rank 25th), so if (big if) he's given the opportunity to attempt a return, we can expect Cribbs to have a little more success than his counterpoint, Leon Washington. In other news, the Jets' punt return team is also dangerous (ranking 6th). It's going to be a close matchup overall. Slight advantage: Browns

This is being regarded as a game the Browns should (some would say must) win, and yes, the Browns are the better team. However, the Jets are not pushovers, and are probably better than their record suggests. Enjoy the game, everybody!

Okay, first things first: I think that Kellen Winslow was forced out of bounds on the final play, and that the call should have been for a touchdown.

But I'm not too upset about it. For one thing, this game featured a number of fluky, unusual, or otherwise non-symptomatic plays that could have altered the final outcome. Leigh Bodden's boneheaded "punt of frustration", for example, gave the Cardinals a new set of downs which eventually led to a touchdown. Do I think the 2007 Browns have a "committing stupid penalties out of frustration" problem? Not really—at least not more than your average NFL team. But it happened, and just like the non-call on the last play of the game, it may well have made a winner out of Arizona.

I don't mean to suggest that all of the Browns' mistakes were like this. Derek Anderson's two interceptions, for example, did have me a little worried, because, while he has done a great job cutting down on those mistakes in recent weeks, he had a previous habit of forcing the ball into bad spots.

On the whole, though, I thought the Browns played very well. The defense enjoyed one of its better games, and the offense moved the ball very efficiently when it wasn't turning the ball over. Moving on...

Play of the Week

Alex says: Braylon Edwards's 67-yard touchdown just about came out of nowhere. The Browns hadn't tried much down-field passing so far. Arizona had just scored to go up by eleven. The game looked to be a big stumbling block on the way for some pancakes. We all know what happened next. Since everyone was so busy cheering and chanting following the touchdown, I wasn't able to hear sage Dan Dierdorf's commentary on the play. My own personal conclusion was that the TD should've stood. That's why I was shocked to see David Lewin write, in this week's Audibles at the Line on Football Outsiders, "Braylon Edwards was indisputably down by contact on that touchdown. I am at a complete loss as to why the ref declined to overturn the play." That's not the way I saw it. Although I'm biased, I don't think Edwards was forced down nor was he touched by a Cardinal while he was down. Ipso facto, that's a touchdown!

Corey says: I'm going with the two-point conversion, which was probably the Browns' trickiest trick play of the season, and which worked beautifully. With Cribbs in the backfield, Anderson drifted to the left and pretended to be communicating an audible to Braylon Edwards. Then, surprising nobody, the ball was direct-snapped to Cribbs. He half-assedly faked a pass, then started to sprint up the middle. But wait! It was a pass after all! Josh had about three different ways he could've scored from there, the easiest of which was to toss to a wide open Winslow over the middle. I love when the Browns use Cribbs creatively on offense (as I'm sure you do) but the one thing that sometimes bothers me is: the guy was a QB in college—let him throw it every once in a while!

Player of the Week

Alex says: With the Cardinals' secondary depleted thanks to Adrian Wilson's injury, the Browns made no bones about trying to put the ball in Braylon Edwards's hands; a third of Derek Anderson's passes were directed to Edwards. He only pulled in seven of fourteen passes, though I believe most of the incompletions can be explained away by Arizona's various double- and triple-teaming schemes. Just think back to Anderson's second, and more boneheaded, interception. Edwards was sandwiched by three defensive backs, and had no hope of making the reception. That said, Braylon managed to accumulate plenty of yardage, including five first downs. He still needs to work on those drops, though.

Corey says: No one really stood out for me, so I'm falling back on Born & Raised bylaw #257: when in doubt, the Player of the Week is Joe Thomas. Joe played another extremely solid game, wouldn't you say? Congrats, Joe!

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"Somebody said somebody head-butted [Simon Fraser] and he head-butted somebody else. [The officials] always see the second head-butt. That's not disciplined enough. That's not smart football." —Romeo Crennel

Seriously, I want to know. What the heck happened on the Browns' last kick return of the game? The Cardinals kicked it short, Jason Wright muffed the catch, Josh Cribbs recovered it, and made something out of nothing, taking the ball to the 33-yard line. Simon Fraser was called for unsportsmanlike conduct and the Browns lost fifteen precious yards of field position. Now, I'm sure Fraser did something warranting a flag, but can I get an explanation from someone about what exactly happened? C.B.S. declined to show any replays; no news reports mention what happened; only Romeo Crennel in his press conference hazards a guess about the situation. Someone, please help.

Corey says:

"We need to focus on starting fast. We put a lot of emphasis on finishing and a lot of times you forget to start. We do things down the stretch that are implications of the team we are and want to be but we always start out flat." —Braylon Edwards

Oh, right. The Browns always start out flat. Except when they start off amazing and finish flat, like they did against the Pittsburgh and Baltimore. It seems to me the Browns need to focus on not being flat, period. That would really be great.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: In the third quarter, the D-Zast-er sent a parabolic punt to the fifteen-yard line, where it was fielded by Steve Breaston. Breaston, after a lot of pointless flinching and movement, was brought down by gunner extraordinaire Mike Adams for a return of only one yard. Week after week, Adams and Cribbs are separating themselves as the stars of the specialest of teams. Cribbs, obviously, gets much more attention that Adams, though Adams has been consistently impressive since Week 1.

Corey says: In my game preview, I noted that Arizona has been good at kicking off this year, not because of their coverage, but because of Neil Rackers' ability to get touchbacks. For this reason, I speculated that the Cardinals might be less likely than other teams to employ the "don't kick it to Cribbs" strategy. As it turned out, however, they chose to ignore Rackers' touchback ability, putting it in Darnell Dinkins' or Jason Gomillion Wright's hands. Did it pay off for Arizona? Perhaps—after all, they successfully ensured there would be no Cribbs returns for touchdowns. However, the Browns had excellent field position (and would have had even excellent-er field position if it weren't for a couple of penalties—thanks, Lee-on). It's a tough call, obviously. If I were an average team, I'd keep it away from Cribbs. But if I were Arizona, I probably would have tried for the touchback.

Hurvin McCormack Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: How about Matt Stewart? Yes, he is still officially a Brown. Right now, he's on the injured reserve with a torn labrum, as he's been since training camp. I was under the impression that Stewart was on the injured reserve for all of last season too, but apparently, he wasn't! I've learned that he played in all sixteen games last year and made fourteen tackles—incredible. You can add Matt to Gary Baxter, Ted Washington, Cosey Coleman, Joe Andruzzi, LeCharles Bentley, Willie McGinest as yet another Savage era free agent who's been wildly disappointing (for various reasons)!

Corey says: A major wrong was righted this week, as the Browns filled a hole: the lack of a token Corey on the roster. (As we've discussed in the past, it is an unwritten rule that each NFL team must carry a token Corey.) Granted, running back Kory Chapman spells his name completely incorrectly, and sure, he was only added to the practice squad this week, but give the guy some credit: Kory isn't even his real first name (it's his middle name; his real first name is Robrielle). It is that kind of dedication to the unwritten rules that makes him a winner in my book.

Fashion Item of the Week

Corey says: Last week, I pointed out a certain crime against humanity; namely, that a certain Brown—let's once again call him Grellen Grinslow—wore his normal all-brown socks during the one game a year when the rest of the team was proudly sporting their glorious striped socks. This week, the Browns went back to the all-browns; however, one courageous gentleman—let's call him Shraylon Shredwards—made a bold statement in solidarity for the striped socks: he chose to go completely sockless on the Browns' first offensive possession. That's right; college style! Needless to say, I proudly support this bold statement of disgust for the all-brown socks! Of course, by the second Browns possession, Shredwards had been forced to get with the program, but by that time, the message had been sent.

Alex says: For the first time this season, I actually had material for the Fashion Item of the Week. And then Corey goes and calls dibs on it! I guess I'll just have to go to my B material. Thankfully, my B material is still pretty good and it also involves Braylon Edwards, who I haven't written enough about already. For most of the first half, Edwards was actually wearing white shoes—big fashion no-no! Some N.F.L. Overlord, or perhaps Head Equipment Manager Brad Melland, convinced Braylon to change into some black cleats. For the doubtful, unfortunately, the only photographs I could find of him during the game came post-switch, so feel free to think I made all this up.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: In a nod to this category's former name, I think Kurt Warner is gaining an unfair and unlawful advantage with his robo-arm. While this mechanical limb isn't his throwing arm, Warner could all sorts of other things with it. Like... stiff-arming or raising the roof or who knows what else? A lot! Anyway, after the game, Romeo Crennel should've asked the refs to peel the flesh off of Warner's robo-arm, revealing blinking lights and other metallic, futuristic thingies.

Corey says: This feels too easy, but how about the ref whose incorrect definition of "forced out" cost the Browns a touchdown? Of course, the refs also screwed Arizona when they somehow determined that Braylon Edwards was untouched before hitting the ground midway through his 67-yard sprint to the endzone. But at least on that play, they made their decision based on what they saw on film.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 63.4%, or the Browns' current odds of making the post-season according to Football Outsiders. Coming into the game, their odds were something around 75%. (I'm not really sure. I neglected to write down this information and Football Outsiders doesn't archive their odds.) Soon after the game, Terry Pluto warned that the Browns shouldn't expect to be playing past Week 17 just yet. The objectivity of F.O.'s statistics show that Pluto's fear-mongering isn't justified just yet. The Browns still have a very favorable remaining schedule—second-easiest in the A.F.C., behind Cincinnati, according to you-know-who. This week's loss was disappointing and I still don't want to talk about it, but the Browns remain a good bet for the pancakes.

Corey says: One of the benefits of being so late in publishing Born and Raised is that by now, Football Outsiders has updated its stats pages with Week 13 data. So let's go with 7.1%, the Browns' overall team DVOA (which ranks them 11th in the NFL). Unless I'm mistaken, this is the highest the Browns' team DVOA has ever been (DVOA only goes back to 1996). I think we all already agreed that this was the best New Browns team we'd ever seen, but it just feels nice to see someone put a number on it, you know?

This Week on Josh's Cribbs

Corey says: Episode 12 of Josh's Cribbs brings Josh to a set of tryouts for Cleveland's brand new, soon-to-be-named Arena Football League team. And no, silly, Josh wasn't going to try out (as if they would require him to). He was there to support three of his "boys": older brother Harold Cribbs, Jr., high school and college teammate Darrell Dowery, and former Browns teammate Kendrick Mosley. We learn a bit about Josh's history with each of these fellows (in high school, Josh and his brother played against each other, etc.). Josh talks at length about how Dowery (who, from the Kent State highlight reel they showed, you'd think was Randy Moss) got robbed in his attempts to make it to the NFL, because of...well, I already forgot the excuse. Anyway, all three gentlemen are invited back for a second tryout. Personally, I'm pretty excited to attend a football game at Quicken Loans Arena. And if Josh Cribbs' brother and homies are on the team, even better (especially if one of them is a former Brown)!

Pythagorean Moral Standings

The Browns, comfortably the most morally superior team in the NFL, eke out their closest moral victory of the season so far. Meanwhile, the Steelers make up for a moral implosion last Monday night against the Dolphins by sending Cincinnati to defeat, both morally and actually. The Ravens suffer another crushing moral shutout, as they fail to lose to the Patriots by a margin of less than three points.

            PMW   PML   pct
Cleveland   9.9   2.1  .825
Cincinnati  6.0   6.0  .500
Pittsburgh  5.5   6.5  .458
Baltimore   0.0  13.0  .000

Next week: The Browns travel to New York to hang out with Alex, eat some Grimaldi's pizza, and catch a matinee of Iphigénie en Tauride. Oh yeah, they'll also destroy the Jets, blindfolded. Join us, will you not, for yet another edition of Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns!