I watched The Colbert Report tonight, in which the guest happened to be novelist John Grisham, promoting his new book, Playing For Pizza, which, somehow, is not about a corrupt southern lawyer. It's not even about an ethical southern lawyer caught in a web of corruption! No, the premise, according to Amazon.com, is this:

Rick Dockery was the third-string quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. In the AFC Championship game against Denver, to the surprise and dismay of virtually everyone, Rick actually got into the game. With a 17-point lead and just minutes to go, Rick provided what was arguably the worst single performance in the history of the NFL. Overnight, he became a national laughingstock and, of course, was immediately cut by the Browns and shunned by all other teams.

But all Rick knows is football, and he insists that his agent, Arnie, find a team that needs him. Against enormous odds Arnie finally locates just such a team and informs Rick that, miraculously, he can in fact now be a starting quarterback. Great, says Rick—for which team?

The mighty Panthers of Parma, Italy.

Not having read the book (and not planning to), a couple of thoughts pop into my head. First, John Grisham is either painfully unoriginal, or a sadistic bastard. Second, is the use of Parma, Italy as a locale meant to be ironic (because of Parma, OH)? I realize the Parma Panthers are actually a real team, in real life, but still. Third, where does Rick Dockery now rank among fictional Browns of yore? (Definitely somewhere behind legendary running back and East Side bowling alley owner Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson, but how far behind?)

Finally... the Browns in the AFC Championship? What, is this a science fiction novel? The Browns would need a whole legion of corrupt southern lawyers doing corrupt, southern-type things, for that to happen.