With the one-man fire sale over, like the phoenix, Ken Dorsey has risen from the ashes and claimed his rightful roster spot on the Browns. Though I only say rightful because, really, which other available quarterbacks deserved a place? Besides Byron Leftwich, of course.

I mean, come on, Ken Dorsey is Brady Quinn's mentor. How many pre-season games did Quinn win before tutoring under Dorsey? Exactly. And don't forget that Dorsey played under Rob Chudzinski in college. The Browns offensive system, its ins and outs—they're second nature to him now. And that knowledge is tantamount because, at the rate things have been going, Dorsey could go from discarded trash to starter in just a week and one quarter. I wouldn't be surprised.

The Browns don't have time to wait around and let their quarterbacks learn a playbook. They've got to have that stuff down now. So, I prepared this handy guide to every QB to play under Chudzinski—in case the team needs to find another one quick.

First, I'll dispense with those who're unavailable for whatever reason.

• Drew Brees (San Diego, 2005) – Starting for New Orleans
• Ken Dorsey (U. of Miami, 1999–2002) – Already a Brown
• Jeff Garcia (Cleveland, 2004) – Starting for Tampa Bay
• Kelly Holcomb (Cleveland, 2004) – Backup for Minnesota
• Kenny Kelly (U. of Miami, 1998–1999) – Though his name, frankly, sounds made up, left college football for professional baseball; now an outfielder for the Charlotte Knights in AAA
• Luke McCown (Cleveland, 2004) – Backing up Garcia for Tampa Bay
• Philip Rivers (San Diego, 2005–2006) – Starting for San Diego
• Billy Volek (San Diego, 2006) – Backing up Rivers for San Diego

The following two guys are nominally unavailable, and thus didn't fit on the above list, but could probably be pried away for the right price.

• Cleo Lemon (San Diego, 2005) – Backup for Miami, but with rookie John Beck around, not in team's long-term plans
• Charlie Whitehurst (San Diego, 2006) – Third string in San Diego behind Rivers and Volek, possibly expendable

And now we've come to the real meat of this article. Here are the quarterbacks who've played in a Chudzinksi-influenced offense and are currently—as best as I can tell—unemployed or close to it.

• Brock Berlin (U. of Miami, 2002–2003) – On St. Louis's practice squad
• Ryan Clement (U. of Miami, 1995–1997) – Last seen as a Las Vegas Outlaw in the XFL
• Ryan Collins (U. of Miami, 1994–1995) – AWOL since 1995
• Frank Costa (U. of Miami, 1994) – AWOL since 1994
• Scott Covington (U. of Miami, 1998) – Was a fringe NFL player for a while; last seen being released by the Rams in 2002
• Derrick Crudup (U. of Miami, 2001–2003) – Only started one game in college; last seen as backup in 2004 Peach Bowl
• Marc Guillon (U. of Miami, 2002) – Big-time failure at Miami, transferred to Alabama where he also failed; last seen quitting the Crimson Tide in 2006
• Zachary Hart (U. of Miami, 1999) – Something of a mystery, last seen making an appearance on a German message board in 2004
• Buck Ortega (U. of Miami, 2001-2003) – Two-time Obscure Brown of the Week, released after training camp, though no longer a QB
• Troy Prasek (U. of Miami, 1999–2003) – With four pass attempts to his name during his college career, last seen sitting the bench in the 2004 Orange Bowl
• Ethenic Sands (U. of Miami, 1999–2002) – Converted from WR to QB and back to WR again for some reason; last seen in 2003 Fiesta Bowl

Well, on second thought, maybe bringing in Chudzinski protégés (as much as you can call tight ends coach–quarterback a mentor-protégé relationship) isn't such a great idea. It didn't really work for Butch Davis. Although I know we'd have fun with names like "Cleo Lemon" or "Brock Berlin"…

O.K. on third thought, the Browns need to make a decision: if there's still hope for this season (which seems unlikely to plenty of those prone to overreacting), they should stick with Anderson, Dorsey, and Quinn at quarterback for the rest of the season. But if all is for naught, Phil Savage, start working those phones and bring in Ethenic Sands for a tryout.