If you've listened to any Indians baseball on the radio this season, you've heard this commercial:

Tom Hamilton: [something or other] is going a million smiles per minute!
Matt Underwood: You mean MILES per hour?
Tom Hamilton: No, SMILES per minute!!!

Emphases theirs. You see, we are supposed to hear this and think, "Haha! It sounds like 'miles' but he really meant 'smiles'! Because it makes people smile!" What keeps me up at night, though, is the way Underwood casually changes "smiles per minute" to "miles per hour"... and then Hamilton, in correcting him, changes it back to "minute" as if there had been no change.

Apparently, miles need to be measured on a per-hour basis. Who's heard of "miles per minute", anyway? it's "miles per hour"... like on the signs! Oh, but this presents a problem. Our fine product makes people smile waaaaay more than a million times per hour! It makes people smile at least 60 million times per hour. Big difference! Someone back me up on this.

Also, Russell Branyan is once again an Indians farmhand. All is right with the world. That is all.