Somehow the news that Dajuan Wagner had his colon removed two weeks ago flew under the radar. Dajuan missed 35 games in his rookie year for various injuries, including a bladder infection. The next season, he missed 38 games due to an inflamed pancreas and liver--both delaying required knee surgery. Last season, Wagner missed 71 games due to colitis. Colitis, people! What is wrong with this guy?

Well, I have the answer: Dajuan Wagner is cursed. He must be. Maybe it was running up the score in a 90-point blowout win by scoring 100 points his senior year of high school. Maybe it was the bad fish. We'll never know.

What we do know is that Dajuan Wagner will be back, by golly, colon or no colon. As long as he doesn't somehow contract SARS during his recovery, it won't be very long now until we see "The Messiah" suiting up. If Wagner can only manage to regain half of his career numbers (which would be half of 9.9 PER and .099 PW%), he would still be better than the current Ira Newble. May his ingrown nose hair grow forever and ever.