Loyal readers of this 'blog certainly remember our LeBron Day pilgrimage and celebration of last year. For those new readers who may not recall, Corey and I have pledged to take a spiritual journey to Akron, Ohio and beyond every December 30. This year, we added stops, cemented traditions, and even managed to witness yet another LeBron Day Miracle!



Joining our rag-tag band of misfits this time around were friends of the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times Scott, Max, and Mike K. Please enjoy this photo montage of our adventure.

Our first stop, as on any good pilgrimage, was to break for lunch. Boy, were we hungry! On a tip from a loyal reader, we remembered that LeBron's favorite restaurant, according to the Gund Arena Jumbotron, was Benihana. Thus, for Benihana we set sail. But alas! They were closed.



As you can see, we were quite dejected. So, we headed to the nearest Benihana-surrogate, P.F. Chang's. The waiter was a bit taken aback by our order of "Five Sprites, please."



Before long, we were very full:



Now it was time to make our way south.

We knew we would need to stock up on a few fine LeBron-endorsed products, as we had done a year earlier. We headed directly for the very same supermarket where we witnessed the First LeBron Day Miracle, the Finding of the FLAVA23. We wondered, might another LeBron Day Miracle be in store?



Praise LeBron! Last year, at least, we knew what it was we sought. But this year, an entirely new flavor of LeBron Powerade revealed itself to us! It was Sourmelon, the green FLAVA23:



After that we picked up the traditional Sprite and Fruity Pebbles and made our way to the cashier, who, for the second consecutive LeBron Day, was not amused:



Fully loaded, we sought out Portage Path Elementary School, the site of LeBron's monumental 5th grade year.



We happened upon His boyhood playground, but our full enjoyment of it was savagely thwarted by a locked gate:



Of course, as LeBron grew older, He moved down Market Street to trusty old St. Vincent St. Mary High School, where He first attained intergalactic celebrity.



Sign-sitting, however, was not the only exciting activity in store for us at SVSM. Down by the football field, and wearing my brand new LeBron James #9 high school football jersey, I was overcome by His holy spirit as I reenacted some of His greatest achievements in wide receiving while a member of the Irish gridiron squad:



Next it was time for our annual attempt to pinpoint the possible exact location of LeBron's birth. We figured, the Akron General Medical Center is a huge freakin' hospital in the middle of Akron; it very well could be the hospital where He was born--it was worth a shot!



On an internet tip, we learned that, as a child, LeBron James might have possibly maybe attended church at the House of the Lord in western Akron. So we decided to stop by their mega-complex.



The Mailbox of the Lord was quite impressive, along with some of the exterior decorations:



On our way out of town, we stopped to toast, once again, the glory of His name before the beautiful skyline of Akron:





Then, as is the custom, I poured Sprite on Corey's head:



As we trekked back toward the north, we made a pit stop in lovely Bath, Ohio, current home of LeBron James... or so we thought!



We were shocked to see His glorious castle razed to the ground. Perhaps He is having a new home built, or perhaps Carlos Boozer, in his infinite frustration, has turned to arson as an escape from the miserable torture that is his life. We suspect that for now, LeBron is passing His days in His Cleveland abode.

Finally, it was time for the last leg of our journey. Akron may be our Mecca, but the building formerly known as Gund Arena will forever be our temple:



Across Ontario Street looms a daunting effigy of King James. First, Corey attempted to appease Him with an offering of His favorite cereal:



I, in turn, cowered in fear at His awesomeness:



But the ceremony of LeBron Day can never truly be over until the celebratory Tossing of Fruity Pebbles to the Wind. This one was for you, Gunner Gatski.





Our LeBron Day pilgrimage had come to a close, and yet we were hungry for more. Corey brought hence his lifetime supply of LeBron's Lightning Lemonade and distributed rations:



Soon it was time for ice cream cake! And all rejoiced.



And it was good.

LeBron Day 2005 was unabashedly a resounding success. We hope that you had a happy and healthy holiday, and that you have enjoyed reading about ours. Have a happy new year, and we'll be seeing you in 2006.

The battle for not-last place reaches its thrilling conclusion! Will Charlie win back his admirers? Will Orpheus rescue Eurydice? Will Jamal Lewis fade into Bolivian? Will Ray Lewis murder anyone? Let's speculate...

Let me remind you that all statistics in this game preview come from Football Outsiders' DVOA reports (offense, defense, special teams), which are explained in detail here.

Browns offense vs. Ravens defense:

           CLE offense  BAL defense
total DVOA   -10.7%        -9.3%
passing       -8.4%        -8.3%
rushing      -13.5%       -10.5%

Thanks to a recent string of good games, the Baltimorons defense has reasserted itself after a mid-season slump. They now rank 8th in overall defensive DVOA (7th in weighted defensive DVOA), and are quite solid in both passing and rushing defense. The Browns' offensive ratings took a huge hit this week, understandably. Charlie Frye, whose defense-adjusted stats were so good after two starts, is now ranked 34th in the NFL with a -2.7 DPAR and, more importantly, 36th in the NFL with a -17.6% DVOA. Compare that to Trent Dilfer's (admittedly unimpressive) 17.3 DPAR and -2.2% DVOA and it's clear Charlie has a long way to go. We were all afraid of this. Of course, his best performances have come against two top pass defenses, so perhaps we needn't be worried about the 'Morons' secondary. I say gamble, and air it out (big surprise, right?). It's not as if the Browns running game has done anything at all for about five weeks now. Advantage: Ravens

Ravens offense vs. Browns defense:

           BAL offense  CLE defense
total DVOA   -16.1%         6.7%
passing      -11.6%         2.0%
rushing      -21.2%        10.9%

What was, for most of the season, the pathetic, zero-dimensional Ravens offense has actually blossomed into the rather poor, one-dimensional Ravens offense. They still can't rush the ball (31st in the NFL). Jamal Lewis' -11.2 DPAR ranks him second-to-last among all players with at least one carry in 2005 (he still leads Marcel Shipp of the Cardinals). His -25.6% DVOA ranks him 47th among qualifying running backs (and 84th among all running backs). The Ravens can pass it a little, though, with Derrick Mason and Todd Heap being the best targets. Those two also happen to be the only Ravens with decent receiving stats of any kind, however. Observe the drop-off:

                    rec. DPAR   rec. DVOA
Derrick Mason, WR     21.0        11.5%
Todd Heap, TE         17.0        13.1%
Daniel Wilcox, TE      0.7        -8.6%
Chester Taylor, RB    -0.4       -12.5%
Randy Hymes, WR       -1.2       -21.5%
Mark Clayton, WR      -1.4       -18.0%
Jamal Lewis, RB       -3.6       -28.2%
Clarence Moore, WR    -6.1       -63.7%

This is mighty good for the Browns, since the strengths of the secondary remain defending passes to tight ends (-15.7% DVOA) and primary receivers (-2.2% vs. #1's, -27.1% vs. #2's). If I had to make a prediction, I'd say it will be an ugly day for Kyle Boller, but that's just me. Advantage: Browns

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns  Ravens
total DVOA               2.6%    3.2%
FG kicking               3.9     8.2
CLE kickoff vs. BAL KR   1.4    -1.8
CLE KR vs. BAL kickoff   6.1     2.6
CLE punt vs. BAL PR      5.1     3.8
CLE PR vs. BAL punt     -3.3     4.1

The Ravens are pretty solid on special teams. If there's one area where the Browns have a clear edge, it's on kickoff returns. Overall, the Ravens special teams rank #8 and the Browns rank #9, so this battle could go either way. Slight advantage: Ravens

With each team's defense enjoying a clear advantage, this one ought to be low-scoring. Mistake by the Lake's own Doppler 62000000000000000000000000 is predicting game time temperatures of about 38 degrees with about a 60% chance of precipitation, be it rain or snow. That could play to the Browns' favor, along with the normal home field advantage and the fact that I will be bringing my personal 6-0 streak to Browns Stadium this Sunday. That said, the Ravens' lead in overall DVOA is significant (-3.6% to -14.9%) and their edge in weighted DVOA is even more significant (6.2% to -17.9%) so if I were a gambling man, I'd ashamedly take the Ravens.

or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love LeBron

In nearly two seasons of writing "Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns," I can safely say that neither Corey nor I has had such difficulty writing as we did this week. The Browns have suffered their humiliating defeats before; that was not new. The same Pittsburgh Steelers even dismantled the Browns in Week 10 of this year. This week's game even harkens back to last season's historic embarrassment against the Buffalo Bills. In fact, Corey and I count that week's "Born and Raised" as one of our high points in football writing. What sets apart this loss?

For one, it crushed almost any sliver left of our optimism. Sure, the Browns have had a poor season--but they've shown signs of improvement and everybody expected a bad season; how much can you ask for? Also, with Charlie Frye playing beyond anyone's expectations, fans were bound to get a little bit pumped. But alas, the Steelers somehow convinced the Browns blockers to kindly step out of their way and now I feel about as apathetic about the Browns as I have in a long time.

Unlike most other seasons in new Browns history, the reward of losing (higher draft picks) does not seem so enticing. For one, whether or not Reggie Bush can actually fly, he will not play in Cleveland. Despite their 5-10 record, there are an astounding ten other teams with an equal or worse record this season. I'm not so hot on my draft tie-breakers, but possibly the Browns could draft in the low teens this season. I'm sure there is a difference between the 12th and 13th overall pick, but it's not nearly as glamorous as that between the 2nd and 3rd.

And, on a personal note, I now know from Football Outsiders that having a very high draft position can actually be detrimental due to extremely high salary demands. Having D'Brickashaw Ferguson would be awesome on so many levels, but not only is it unlikely to happen but also would be a curse in disguise.

Fortunately, I know a sports fan's heart is a fickle one, and come next Sunday, I'll be sitting in Cleveland Browns Stadium watching the Browns crush the Baltimorons to close out the 2005 regular season, and you know, I'll probably be pretty excited about it. Until then, apathy reigns.

Play of the Week

Alex says: Charlie Frye may have been under pressure on virtually every snap, but for one play during the third quarter, he took advantage. Frye made a nifty 12-yard scramble to his left before running outside the boundaries. While on the surface this may not seem worthy of being play of the day--it didn't setup a score, it wasn't a 3rd- or 4th-down conversion, and it didn't gain many yards. But that would be overlooking the Browns' main goal after realizing the game was out of hand: injuring as many Steelers as possible. And on this play, Kimo Von Oelhoffen, in his hilariously inadequate attempt to catch Charlie Brown, injured his left shoulder.

Corey says: How about Reuben Droughns' one pass reception, a 29-yard gain (most of it after the catch) which was the Browns' longest play from scrimmage. Far be it for me to imply that I know something the Browns don't (even though I probably do), but as I pointed out on Friday, the Steelers' main weakness on defense has been defending passes to running backs (22.6% DVOA), probably because they blitz so many guys that the back goes uncovered, and then there is no one to tackle him until he reaches the secondary. Finding Reuben Droughns in the flat more often would have been a good first step toward avoiding, at the very least, total domination.

Player of the Week

Alex says: Since I am contractually obligated to choose someone, I select rookie safety Brodney Pool. His name is cool; he didn't play enough to shoulder much blame; and he was lucky enough to recover two of the Browns' five fumbles. A scary notion from the game is that the Browns were actually quite lucky in recovering four of their five fumbles. Pittsburgh could have been expected to snatch up an extra 1.5 of those. I think Charlie Frye should look to take a few pointers from "Hot Hands" Hanon and break out the industrial adhesive.

Corey says: Ugh. I don't know, how about Alvin "Mount" McKinley, who ranked third on the team with seven tackles (including assists), one of which was a sack. Let the record show that I do not think Mount, or anyone else on the defense, played especially well. And while a high number of tackles usually does not connote good defense, especially if you are, say, a free safety, McKinley is a defensive lineman, so in his case, tackles generally represent short gains (or even losses) for the offense. Sure enough, on plays in which Alvin recorded a tackle, the Steelers gained an average of only 2.0 yards.

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"We really didn't do anything good or anything right, offensively, defensively, you name it, they outplayed us all the way across the board. They outcoached us all the way across the board." --Romeo Crennel

The Browns have played for three head coaches in less than two seasons, and to compare each coach's press conference style is amusing. Butch Davis, above all else, sought to avoid blame. Apparently, he did his job perfectly, but the players failed to "execute" at an alarming rate. Terry Robiskie would be the first one to tell you that his team stunk. Add in he was basically clueless when it came to being a head coach and brutal honesty, and you have a recipe for great sound bites. Coach Crennel clearly isn't a loquacious man, but to say that he was curt in his post-game press conference this week would be generous. I think he was trying to limit himself to, if at all possible, a 0-word answer. Maybe a grunt or strategic raising-of-the-eyebrows would satisfy the press.

Corey says:

You've got to have the guts of a burglar to make that throw, Gus." --Steve Tasker

Tasker was referring to a 17-yard reception by Cedric Wilson with about 10:30 left in the first quarter. I feel this was an odd choice of words for the CBS announcer, for several reasons. One, it was a seemingly normal throw, one of about 35,000 long pass plays the Steelers completed on Saturday. Second, we noticed while watching the game that Tasker has a bit of a crime fetish--every other play is some kind of "jailbreak" or something. Perhaps Mr. Tasker secretly feels he's in the wrong profession.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: This week's winner is one of the wackier sequences seen during a Browns game: Kyle Richardson punts the ball to Antwaan Randle El who breaks a long return only to be cut down by Richardson, thus forcing a fumble which is recovered by Brodney Pool. The result of all this action is a seven yard net-gain for the Browns, from their own 5 to the 12. This play stands as the second largest gain for the Browns offense during the first half.

Corey says: I'm going to have to agree. "Making Antwaan Randle El fumble" was about the only strategy the Browns could hope for in this game. Throw in the fact that Kyle Richardson himself made the tackle, and there's no contest. Unfortunately, we also saw Richardson execute what I believe was the first blocked punt in New Browns history, so his overall performance was average at best. Do you think that would have happened if Ryan Pontbriand were healthy? No way.

Damon Gibson Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: Defensive tackle J'vonne Parker, who had played two previous games this season on special teams but finally notched that elusive first career NFL tackle this week. Actually, Parker did not get it on those specialest of teams, but rather on defense--taking down Willie Parker for a 1-yard gain in the fourth quarter. The first name "J'Vonne" just kills me by the way, for a few reasons. First of all, I assume it to be a bastardization of other strange names like "Juwan" which itself is a bastardization of "Juan". Second of all, in many languages (including almost all Central and Eastern European languages) the letter j corresponds to the sound we most often identify with "y" in English. It being the sound at the beginning of "year" or "university". Anyways, does that mean that J'Vonne is in fact an alternate spelling for Yvonne?

Corey says: Speaking of Pontbriand, his backup Jody Littleton actually made an astonishing three tackles (well, one tackle and two assists), vaulting himself into the top 15 among long snappers on the season. I think it's safe to assume that our hero Pontbriand would have made those tackles as well, but congratulations to Jody for making a contribution. We just might forgive you for the shaky snap on last week's game-winning field goal.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: In light of the holidays that are upon us, my choice for Fashion of the Week is anything LeBron-related. Don't forget, this Friday is LeBron Day! Celebrate with your loved ones by reminiscing your favorite LeBron tales or singing your favorite LeBron carol. I'm very excited to break out my newest piece of LeBron flair this year!

Corey says: It feels like a good week for a throwback. Let's go with a #76 "GROZA", because... well, why not? The 2005 Browns are going to have to earn back the right to have one of their own chosen for Fashion of the Week. A victory over Baltimore would be a good start.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: Joey Porter, for failing to be ejected from this year's contest in Cleveland. I'm not sure why he pantomimes kicking after a positive play--perhaps he's an idiot. I must give credit where credit is due though, for at the very beginning of halftime, as CBS faded out from the field and went to the first commercial break, the cameras showed Porter running off the field. In a brusque voice, Porter yelled "Let's go! Let's go! ... Merry Christmas to everybody!" The comedy may not translate well to writing, but Porter suddenly realizing he was on TV on Christmas eve is a comedic gold.

Corey says: My Idiot is my little brother's former hero, Chris Gardocki, for once again failing to have a punt blocked. The Browns even showed him how to do it, by having one of their own punts blocked, but the jerk is still trying to cheat fate. Next year is the year. The streak will end, and it will come at the hand of the Browns! You heard it here first.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 2.06, or the average number of yards the Browns gained on 3rd down. Alone this number is dismal, but when complemented by the fact that the Browns' average 3rd down was 3rd and 7.75, it plain sucks. On third downs, Charlie Frye was 4/12 for 50 yards and was sacked thrice. These numbers go a long way to explain not just the reasons for the Browns converting 2 of 16 third downs but also the Browns' tremendous defeat.

Corey says: Umm... 25, the total number of yards the Browns lost on penalties. Pretty good, huh? I wonder, though: could the Browns have limited the offensive progress (or defensive domination) of the Steelers by simply committing intentional penalties on every play? We shall never know. Either way, let's try to stay positive--the Browns didn't have that many penalties this week! Hooray!!!

Next week: The Baltimore Ravens come to town to receive their final humiliation of 2005; conversely the Browns ride into the sunset on a high note (unless, of course, they make the playoffs) as Cleveland fans are treated to likely their final doses of Jody Littleton, Ray Mickens, and William Green. We'll be here to report every detail including the impending arrest of Ray Lewis with another episode of Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns!

"This is like the Browns' Super Bowl!" How many times have you heard that this week? I wonder how Browns fans would even know what a Super Bowl feels like. I doubt it feels like a late December game in a rebuilding season, even against the hated Steelers. It probably feels something like hitting a home run in softball ('cause I hit a real whopper last week!).

Sorry if this preview is a little brief and/or crappy. As I write this, I'm running on like 3 hours' sleep, having just moved out of my apartment (speaking of which, hey, I'm a real-live Clevelander again). As always, the stats used below come from Football Outsiders' DVOA reports (offense, defense, special teams), which are explained in detail here.

Browns offense vs. Steelers defense:

           CLE offense  PIT defense
total DVOA    -7.9%       -16.5%
passing       -3.1%       -14.4%
rushing      -13.4%       -19.0%

The Steelers currently rank 2nd in overall defensive DVOA. They rank 2nd against the run and 6th against the pass, meaning we shouldn't get our expectations up for an offensive explosion. For the Browns to score, they're going to have to pass protect better than usual--Pittsburgh ranks 4th in the NFL in what Football Outsiders calls "pass rush". If there's a hole in the Steelers defense, it's defending passes to running backs (22.6% DVOA) and, to a lesser extent, slot/"other" receivers (13.1% DVOA). I imagine this has been due to teams capitalizing on Pittsburgh's blitz-happiness with short, quick dump-offs. Advantage: Steelers

Steelers offense vs. Browns defense:

           PIT offense  CLE defense
total DVOA     7.6%         2.1%
passing       26.7%        -5.0%
rushing       -6.2%         8.4%

I've said this before, but the notion that the Steelers succeed because of a power running game is a myth. They rush extremely often (thus the gaudy yardage totals), but on a per-play basis, not especially well (18th in rushing DVOA). One thing the Steelers accomplish with their running game, though, is keeping their opponents unprepared for the pass, in which they rank 7th, by DVOA. Ben Roethlisberger rates second in quarterbacking DVOA (38.9%) behind only Carson Palmer. If I were the Browns, I wouldn't worry about letting the Steelers rush the ball. Rudi Johnson and LaMont Jordan ran hog-wild but the Cincinnati and Oakland offenses both underperformed, on the whole. Slight advantage: Steelers

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns  Steelers
total DVOA               2.5%    -2.2%
FG kicking               3.9      2.1
CLE kickoff vs. PIT KR   1.2     -2.0
CLE KR vs. PIT kickoff   6.8     -0.3
CLE punt vs. PIT PR      2.5     -6.3
CLE PR vs. PIT punt     -2.2     -4.2

The Browns have a decided advantage in every phase of special teams. If they're going to pull off the upset tomorrow, it would make sense for the special teams to be the reason why. A couple of punts downed at the two... a kickoff return for a touchdown... I could see it happening... 'n dat. Advantage: Browns

Don't forget; the game is on Saturday this week because of some holiday or something. I don't know what they were worried about though; my half-birthday isn't until Monday. Anyway, nothing would warm my heart more than a thrilling Browns win over the arrogant Pittsburghers, but I have to be realistic. If I were a gambling man, I'd begrudgingly take the Steelers.

We, the Mistake by the Lake family of readers and contributors, have observed over the course of the Browns' season that, despite conventional wisdom, you don't have to "establish the run" to score points in the NFL. Not surprisingly, the converse of that is true as well--yesterday's win over the Oakland Raiders being a prime example: you don't have to "stop the run" to keep your opponent out of the endzone.

My point is, in recent weeks, the Browns defense has really shown its strengths and weaknesses. The secondary has shut down opposing passers while the front seven has struggled to bring down opposing rushers, especially up the middle. LaMont Jordan rushed for 132 yards--second most of any running back yesterday--yet Oakland only scored once, and even that was on a drive in which the Raiders, if anything, weren't able to run the ball successfully (7 rushes for 17 yards, on an 89-yard drive). Even after we make considerations for the contributions of kicker Sebastian Janikowski, who missed a long field goal and had another blocked, the Browns defense enjoyed quite a day, LaMont Jordan be damned. We have the secondary to thank for that.

On the other hand, the Browns offense didn't exactly light up the scoreboard, either. Charlie Frye didn't look quite as good as he did against the superior pass defenses of Jacksonville and Cincinnati, though he certainly had his moments. Reuben Droughns, meanwhile, looked pretty bad yet again, not that this worries me too much. What does concern me is the Browns' insistence on starting out every game trying to assert some kind of power running game that they simply do not have. Surely they studied the Raiders all last week and knew that Oakland could stop the run but not the pass. I simply have my doubts about whether the Browns coaching staff is aware of the fact that the strength of the Browns offense in 2005 has been the pass, not the run.

And now, your regular items.

Play of the Week

Alex says: Phil Dawson's final field goal may have literally won the game, but perhaps the most crucial play of the afternoon, er... evening, was Alvin "Mount" McKinley's blocked field goal. In fact, both McKinley and Orpheus Roye were in excellent position to block the kick, and I'm pretty sure Roye would've done it himself if Mount had faltered. Both players, especially Orpheus, seem very skilled when it comes to disrupting field goals--though I'm not quite sure why. Neither is particularly tall (Alvin is 6'3", Orpheus 6'4") or heavy (294 and 305 pounds, respectively). The most logical conclusion is that these lineman excel at getting quick, powerful jumps on the snap, thus plowing the blockers out of the way.

Corey says: Sure, maybe the blocked field goal was more impressive, but the most exciting moment of the game was the game-winner. How often do we, the fans of the Cleveland Browns, get to see our team win on the last play of the game? I have to say, before the final drive, this game was pretty boring. But as Phil Dawson lined up for that final kick, I hadn't seen a roomful of Browns Backers so animated since... well, since they auctioned off that bottle of stadium mustard at halftime. But trust me, it was exciting!

Player of the Week

Alex says: First Ace Davis gets into it, then Tony Grossi, and finally Steve Beuerlein. Everyone loves Leigh Bodden! And it's about damn time because for the second consecutive week he's my Player of the Week. Let it be known, now that everyone is hopping on the bandwagon, that Corey invented the Leigh Bodden Bandwagon way back in Week 1 of 2004, when he named Leigh the inaugural Obscure Brown of the Week. Bodden has since graduated from being an obscure special teams monster to a renowned defensive monster. In our Week 5 edition of "Born and Raised" last season, Corey quipped "Leigh must be the best damn gunner (on punts) in the entire NFL." Now, if only we still had Dyshod Carter.

Corey says: I'm afraid I have to concur. Boy, we sure have been harping on this Leigh Bodden business lately. Good thing that's what we always do. I'm going to try to go the rest of this column without using the words Leigh or Bodden. Of course, I can't speak for my brother...

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"They cut me eight years ago. Anytime somebody says you're not getting the job done, I take it personally." --Human Phil Dawson, on the Oakland Raiders

Usually Human Phil doesn't bother to make road trips or play in poor weather, but this week he made an exception, in order to kick Oakland's collective ass. Which he did. Now the Raiders are stuck with perpetual embarrassment Sebastian Janikowski, surely wishing they could enlist the services of a man such as Phillip Dawson. I wonder: if, hypothetically, the Raiders had never cut Dawson, would he have tried as hard to make his kicks against them? Would the outcome of the game be different?

Corey says:

"He's taking more control of the huddle and that's what I expect out of him. He's hurrying guys back into the huddle. He's telling guys to be quiet and taking more of a leadership role. He knew things weren't going good with me. He was trying to pump me up and he did a good job." --Reuben Droughns, on Charlie Frye

Good to know that Reuben was sufficiently pumped up, but if he's going to average 2.9 yards a carry every time he's pumped up, I don't know if it's worth the effort. As for the other stuff, fine, whatever, good for Charlie. He's such a gamer.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: I don't think I have much choice in the matter, seeing as how I chose a special teams play as my regular Play of the Week. But since this category is "Moment of the Week" rather than "Play," I think I can narrow it down to the precise moment in which Alvin McKinley's outstretched hand first struck the football. It happened with around 3:17 left in the fourth quarter. That was a pretty sweet moment.

Corey says: The special teams really had a spectacular day. Besides the blocked field goal and Phil's 3-for-3, there was the first significant punt return the Browns have had since, like, the Doug Pederson era (Northcutt up the sideline for 38 yards), and my choice for this week, Josh Cribbs' 46-yard kickoff return late in the first half. It set the Browns up at midfield and allowed them to get a quick three points as time expired. The Browns kick return unit has been quite good of late.

Judson Flint Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: With my fallback choice Frisman Jackson rendered overwhelmingly not obscure by a panel of everyone who reads this blog, I guess I'll choose backup linebacker (and good name for an Arena Football League team) Orlando Ruff. Two of his four tackles were stuffs on short yardage plays, plus an important clobbering of LaMont Jordan on 1st-and-10 for no gain during Oakland's final drive. By the way, LaMont roughly (or should I say Ruff-ly, HIYOOOO!) translates from French as "the mount." I just thought that should be mentioned. P.S.: this week's historical honoree, Judson Flint, attended California University of Pennsylvania in sunny California, Pennsylvania.

Corey says: I'm going with backup tight end Paul Irons, #89, a rookie out of Florida State. Irons was signed from the practice squad this week in light of the uncertain status of Heiden and Shea, and during yesterday's game he could be seen angrily questioning the officials' calls from his rightful place on the sideline. This is an important role for an Obscure Brown. You have to look like you really care what's going on in the game, while maintaining absolute anonymity, like the actors who play random Eagles players in the background of Chunky Soup commercials. Anyway, Paul will celebrate a birthday this coming Friday, so, uh, congratulations.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: If you haven't had the chance yet, go to the Cleveland Browns Team Store and buy yourself a customized #28 "BODDEN" jersey. Not only can it make you infinitely cooler than anyone wearing an old "COUCH" or "GARCIA", it can also make a fine gift. Forgive me, again, for overdoing it with the Bodden Bandwagon.

Corey says: The #97 "McKINLEY" would be a pretty cool jersey to wear. It's random, but not obscure. And 97 is a great jersey number. And of course Alvin had a pretty good game yesterday. Plus, you get to have that lowercase "c" on the back, which is, of course, reserved only for players of Scottish descent. That's special.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: Perhaps you're aware of this, but did you know that Rudi Johnson had a good game against the Browns last week? Did you know that LaMont Jordan likes getting carries? Or that Kerry Collins is one of the best quarterbacks in the world? Well you would if only you had paid attention to this week's Idiot, Steve Beuerlein. Among my favorite lessons from Steve are that the Raiders are 4-19 and that Jeff Faine has been among the best centers in the NFL the past three seasons. News to me! Oh, and don't forget that Norv Turner is one of the greatest offensive geniuses in history. Well, at least this side of Brian Billick.

Corey says: How about the fans of Raider Nation, for not going to the freaking game. Your stadium was half empty! What are you, Arizona? Football games should always be sold out no matter what the circumstances. Not only that, there should be a 40-year waiting list for tickets. Having a bad team is no excuse, just look at... oh, Cleveland. Poor weather is definitely no excuse, but even if it were, it was 56 degrees in Oakland yesterday! When it gets that warm in our part of the country, we break out the Slip 'n' Slide.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 112.6, or the average passing yardage the Browns secondary has allowed over the past five games. That's pretty incredible, since the average NFL offense averaged 204.9 passing yards per game coming into this week. Also, the Browns allowed 211.7 per game over the first nine games of the season. I think the obvious caveats of sample size and schedule strength apply, but perhaps we can take this as an indication that either Romeo Crennel and Todd Grantham's plans are coming to fruition, or the young players, especially Chris Crocker, Sean Jones, Brodney Pool, and Leigh Bodden, are improving.

Corey says: 19, the defense's total sacks on the season, counting the 3 they recorded against Oakland. That's the lowest total in the league. What's amazing, though, is that the lack of a pass rush hasn't stopped the Browns from having a good pass defense. Several times yesterday, Kerry Collins seemed to have hours in the pocket to make a throw, but ended up throwing it away or incomplete anyway. And Collins hasn't been the only one. I noticed the same thing with Carson Palmer, David Garrard and so on. It must mean that no one can get open. Just imagine what this defense will do when it develops a pass rush!

Next week: The Browns make it two in a row with a resounding home win! Join us as we count how many Pittsburgh Steelers break out in tears when they realize their dream of making the playoffs has been wiped out, on yet another "Born and Raised"!

You probably remember the last time these two proud franchises met. An anonymous Browns player wearing #16 had himself the performance of a lifetime, while rioting nearly broke out in the stands, as members of the Dawg Pound and the Black Hole were inexplicably seated in the same section! Then Kid Rock was all, "Somebody's gotta feel this!" and we all had an ice cold Coors. Good times.

Anyway, all the stats in this, the coldest tasting Browns preview in America, come from Football Outsiders' weekly DVOA reports (offense, defense, special teams), which, once again, are explained in detail here.

Browns offense vs. Raiders defense:

           CLE offense  OAK defense
total DVOA    -5.9%         4.5%
passing       -0.3%        16.7%
rushing      -12.3%        -7.4%

The Browns' offensive DVOA has slowly improved since the Charlie Frye Era began. Maybe they can get back into positive numbers before season's end. How good has Charlie been? Well, the raw, unadjusted VOA (5.8%) and PAR (4.6) totals rate him just slightly above average, but because his two starts have come against what are now the #3 and #2 pass defenses by DVOA, his defense-adjusted stats are considerably better. His DVOA of 27.4% ranks him 6th among NFL quarterbacks, while his DPAR of 9.9 (in just 63 pass attempts) ranks him 26th, alongside guys with 300 or more attempts. Obviously, we have ourselves a dangerously small sample size to look at, but it's apparent that the Browns' passing game with Charlie Frye at the helm is better than the season-long DVOA figures would suggest. This plays right into the main weakness of the Raiders, their 26th-ranked pass defense. Oakland doesn't defend passes to any type of receiver particularly well, be it wideout, tight end, or running back, so this would definitely be a week to stretch the field. I wouldn't worry about running the ball (unless they build up a lead to preserve); the Raider defense actually does well in that area. Slight advantage: Browns

Raiders offense vs. Browns defense:

           OAK offense  CLE defense
total DVOA     3.8%         4.0%
passing        1.9%        -0.8%
rushing        6.6%         8.3%

Hey, the Browns' pass defense has found its way into negative numbers (ie: better than average)! Unfortunately, the rush defense has found its way deeper into the red. And despite a propensity for chucking it, rushing the ball is what the Raiders do well--they rank 9th in rushing DVOA. It's true that stopping the pass is more important than stopping the run, but this week, the key for the Browns defense just might be holding LaMont Jordan to short runs only. The pass defense continues to have its obvious strengths and weaknesses. They handle #1 receivers, #2 receivers, and tight ends quite well. But they are dead last in the NFL in defending passes to "other" receivers, with a DVOA of 61.4%. (Note: "other" receiver Doug Gabriel actually leads the Raiders in DVOA by a receiver, with a pedestrian 3.5%.) They are also dead last in the NFL in DVOA differential on pass plays where no intended target is listed (ie: sacks, or plays where the quarterback throws it away). Football Outsiders takes this to mean that the Browns have a weak pass rush, which sounds about right to me. Advantage: Raiders

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns  Raiders
total DVOA               2.1%    -2.8%
FG kicking               2.1     -3.4
CLE kickoff vs. OAK KR   1.7      9.2
CLE KR vs. OAK kickoff   5.8     -4.0
CLE punt vs. OAK PR      1.3    -13.9
CLE PR vs. OAK punt     -1.4     -0.4

Apart from their kick returning, which has been third best in the NFL, the Raiders are not good at special teams. Overall, they rank 29th by DVOA. With that in mind, I wouldn't be surprised to see some long kickoff returns this week, by either Josh Cribbs or the Raiders' Chris Carr. Also, Oakland's punt returning is so bad that, if I were coaching the Browns, I might punt away in situations where I'd normally try a long field goal or a fourth-down conversion. You just might back them up against their own endzone. Advantage: Browns

On paper, this looks like a winnable game for the Browns; however, it's not going to be a walk in the cake. I expect it to be close. And I expect to see a fair amount of scoring. Frankly, I wouldn't be too confident about picking either team to win, but Oakland does have the home field advantage and the edge in total DVOA, so if I were a gambling man, I'd reluctantly take the Raiders.

First of all, as the holiday season is almost upon us, I hope all of you and yours had a very happy Esperanto Literature Day. You may remember from my lengthy introduction to last week's Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns, I defended the great defense of cornerback Leigh Bodden, despite his two penalties on the game's final drive.

Well, I wasn't the only one who noticed. First of all, Romeo Crennel said after the game that "He's playing pretty decent." Which, in Romeo-speak, is just about the highest compliment imaginable. Secondly, Aaron Schatz of the Football Outsiders in his weekly Power Rankings for FOX Sports singles out Bodden for shutting down Chris Chambers, Jimmy Smith, and Chad Johnson in recent weeks.

On a related note, you might be familiar with Chad Johnson's "Who Will Cover 85 in 2005" chart. Well, Johnson has updated his list this week, and for the first time he marked a "Yes." However, some problems arise: Johnson still has Gary Baxter listed as the Browns #1 CB, despite Baxter being on the IR. Also, no matter who you consider the team's best corner to be right now, McCutcheon or Bodden, it's problematic to say who exactly "covered" Johnson. Daylon takes the left side of the field and Leigh the right; but we can say that Bodden usually ended up on Chad Johnson. In conclusion, cutting through all this nonsense, the Browns completely owned Johnson last Sunday.

The best news of all is the Browns are now all but guaranteed to secure Bodden's services for the 2006 season and beyond. This off-season, Leigh will become a restricted free agent--meaning that the team that signs him would have to compensate the Browns with a draft pick from the same round in which Leigh was drafted. That's certainly a lot of words for nothing, because Leigh was undrafted. So, I don't understand why anyone should bother calling him "restricted."

Anyways, if the Browns offer him a "first-round tender," worth at least $1.5 million per season, another team signing him would have to give up their own 1st-round pick. That's pretty doubtful. Thankfully, Phil Savage has assured the team would offer the tender if they and Bodden can't agree to a multi-year contract. And so, another Mistake by the Lake favorite will stay in Cleveland. Phew. Not to mention Andra Davis.

P.S. I've been creating a page on Wikipedia for The Impossible Return for the past couple of days. You're all very knowledgeable, I hope you'll contribute!

You may have noticed that the Cavs followed up their 9-2 start with a 2-7 second act, including, most recently, a loss to the 4-16 Atlanta Hawks. Let the record show that it is not time to panic yet; nonetheless, my eyebrows have been raised.

So what's the problem? I don't think it's the offense in any way, shape or form, as the Cavs are still 2nd in the NBA in offensive efficiency, scoring 113.4 points per 100 possessions. They trail only the Detroit Pistons (114.0) and have a nice little lead over the third-best offense, the Dallas Mavericks (111.9). LeBron James, you could safely argue, has been the third-best offensive player in the NBA so far, with a PER of 28.7 (trailing only Elton Brand and Allen Iverson). Other Cavaliers have also been at the top of their offensive game, such as Z and Drew Gooden, whose PERs of 22.1 and 20.5, respectively, would be career highs for each if they held up.

If I had just one complaint with the offense so far, it might be with Larry Hughes, whose PER of 15.1 makes him barely league average. Hughes actually started the season well, but has really struggled of late. His True Shooting Percentage of 50.2% is the team's worst among regular contributors. I attribute this to poor shot selection. It seems to me that, when Hughes isn't driving to the basket, he's taking too many long 2-pointers, which are the worst shots you can take, as they are both low-percentage and low-reward. When Hughes does drive to the basket, he has an exceptional knack for getting to the foul line, which I applaud. I only wish he would take a step back on some of his long jumpers--it would increase his scoring potential greatly. (I was actually going to compile some data from the individual shot charts on ESPN.com to illustrate Hughes' shot selection, but then I realized just how long this would take, so for now you'll have to rely on my admittedly subjective observation. I may still do something like that in the future, though.)

But I digress. As I said, the problem does not lie with the offense, which has been the second-best in the NBA. No, the problem, if there is one, must be defensive. As a team, the Cavs have the league's 23rd-best (or 8th-worst) defensive efficiency; they allow 108.3 points per 100 possessions. Not that they don't do some things well: they lead the NBA in defensive rebounding, grabbing a remarkable 75.9% of their opponents' shots. They also rank 8th in the NBA in free throws allowed per field goal allowed, meaning they do a good job of keeping opponents off the foul line. In other words, Cavaliers opponents don't get very many shots and they don't get many free throw opportunities--yet they still manage to score quite efficiently.

The obvious explanation would be that the Cavaliers allow easy shots. Sure enough, the Cavs have allowed the league's third-highest eFG% (Effective FG%; it's like TS% but without free throws), at .513. They've also allowed the NBA's highest 3-point percentage, at .412. It seems the Cavs' biggest problem is defense on the perimeter.

Now, it's really hard to pinpoint defensive performances by individual players, especially in a system like Mike Brown's where it's supposedly all about forcing bad shots (which is truly an effort by all five players on the floor), but there are a few things we can look at. Check out this chart of the Cavaliers' Opponent Production by Position:

    eFG%   PER
PG  .512  19.1
SG  .525  15.5
SF  .496  15.5
PF  .536  18.5
C   .481  13.8

Please note that the performance of opposing point guards, for example, does not correspond directly to the defensive efforts of Eric Snow and Damon Jones, and so on. Also, there are small sample size issues, as the Cavs may not yet have faced quality opposition at certain positions, etc. But it's clear from the chart that the Cavs have trouble defending point guards and power forwards. And that does not look too good for Snow, Jones, Gooden, or Donyell Marshall. Now, Gooden I'm willing to pardon to a certain extent, because he's been the team's best rebounder (he's 10th in the NBA in Rebound Rate, with 18.5) and certainly a big reason for their success in that area, and besides, he's been one of their best weapons on offense, as I've noted. Snow and Jones, however, are another story. At the very least, nothing I've seen with my admittedly subjective personal observation would contradict the suggestion that either Eric Snow or Damon Jones has trouble defending shots on the perimeter.

And it's not like either of those guys is doing anything on the offensive end that might make up for it. Jones has a PER of 13.4 and Snow has a 10.7, which ranks them 27th and 34th among NBA point guards, respectively. That's out of 39 eligible players.

Like I said, it's not yet time to panic. Even if the Cavaliers finish the season having scored 113.4 points per 100 possessions and having allowed 108.3, we would expect their record to be 50.8 wins, 31.1 losses. The Cavs have their problems right now, sure. But more than anything, they've suffered from a little bad luck. Let's all just hold our breaths a little longer.

Leigh Bodden, great or goat? I know it sounds trite; just bear with me.

To many, the most memorable aspect of Bodden's play this Sunday was his pair of penalties on the Bengals' final, game-winning drive. In fact, he had quite a remarkable series. On 2nd and 8 from the Browns' 33, Chad Johnson caught a pass for a first down, which was then overturned. In an effort to jar the ball loose from Johnson, Brian "Bryan" Russell missed his man and nailed Bodden basically helmet-to-helmet. After a long commercial break, Leigh managed to walk off the field... and right back on.

Bodden again covered Johnson on the next snap--and was called for "defensive holding". Personally, I feel this was a bogus penalty. Johnson simply ran directly into Bodden and stuck his arms out, I don't see an infraction in that. Three snaps later, Bodden once again was flagged, this time for "illegal contact". I'm not sure exactly what was meant by "illegal contact", since Leigh essentially tackled Johnson as the pass was being thrown. This penalty, while infuriating, unfortunately had merit.

On this evidence alone, Bodden seems like a choke. But let us not forget that prior to the game, Bengals official loudmouth Chad Johnson said "We're going to score 40 a game from here on out." The Bengals managed only 23 points. Also, as part of his mega-self-promotion tour, Johnson likes to trot out the handy "Who Covered #85 in 2005" chart--showing each opponent's #1 cornerback ducking him. Bengals fans will likely mark off another victory for Chad, given that nominal #1 Daylon McCutcheon spent most of the day covering T.J. Houshmandasezhasjusazhah.

However, anyone watching closely (and it doesn't hurt to be a Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times reader too) should know that Leigh Bodden has in fact been the Browns' best defensive back since Gary Baxter's injury. And who covered #85 this week? Leigh Bodden. And how did Johnson perform? Pretty crappily, if I do say so myself. He caught only 2 out of the 10 passes thrown his way, for a measly 22 yards.

I realize I've gone on at length about a very small area of the game, but I think it serves to remind us that we shouldn't villainize Bodden for this game. He's still the premier cover man the Browns have right now, and he played an excellent game covering one of the best wide receivers in the world (2nd in DPAR and 4th in DVOA coming into the game). Of course, he could've chosen a more opportune time to commit penalties. Such is Browns football.

Play of the Week

Alex says: We've all seen the "try to draw the other team offsides, but if they don't, take the delay of game penalty" stratagem utilized countless times. To say it is rarely successful is an understatement. According to Football Outsiders, through Week 11, there were only two times that the offense successfully duped the other team, maybe. They're not sure. But now they can add another one to the list! In the third quarter, on 4th and 1 at midfield, Charlie Frye used his years of voice-throwing training to trick John Thornton into encroachment. Eat it, Cincinnati.

Corey says: I'll go with the Browns' first touchdown. It was a very simple, straightforward play: Charlie rolls to the right, sees that no one is open, and steps across the goal line himself. So it seemed. Actually, guard Cosey Coleman pulled to the right and plowed the way into the endzone, suggesting to me that the whole thing was a designed quarterback run. If so, Charlie did a great job of looking concerned that no receivers were open. Either way, the play was a sight for sore eyes, given the 2005 Browns' struggles to score touchdowns from short range.

Player of the Week

Alex says: Leigh Bodden. See the introduction, why dontcha.

Corey says: For the second week in a row, I'm going with Charlie Frye. In each of his starts, now, the Browns have gone up against a team with one of the best pass defenses in the NFL and a considerably less accomplished (or, in the case of Cincinnati, a downright bad) run defense. Both times, I recommended that the Browns focus on the run. Both times, it appeared that maybe they were trying to do this, only, for some reason, every run got stuffed. Both times, the Browns' passing game actually had some success, despite the makeup of the opponent. As far as I'm concerned, Charlie Frye has shown he can run with the best of them, and I just can't wait to see what he does against a lesser (or even just average) pass defense. Like, I don't know... Oakland.

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"He ran it well. He cut the ball back. Some of it is, we weren't where we were supposed to be, but a lot of it was Rudi running hard. He's hard to tackle." --Romeo Crennel, on Rudi Johnson

I realize that part of the Crennel Mystique is always giving a seemingly straight answer, but without conveying much information. But for LeBron's sake, Romeo, you can't really think that "a lot of it", and it I take to mean "Rudi Johnson's success", was simply "running hard", can you? Granted, Johnson is not the easiest back to tackle, but the Browns defense seems to have trouble tackling math problems at this point (Zing!). Not that everyone in Cuyahoga County isn't already aware of this, but Coach, don't humor us like this. You can tell it like it is.

Corey says:

"[The Browns are going to] try to draw them offsides--it won't work on the road!" --color commentator Rich Gannon

I choose this quote because of the hilarity of its timing. If you watched the game, you might remember the condescending, annoyed tone in Rich Gannon's voice as he explained how the Browns were wasting everyone's time by lining up for a play they had no intention of running--and on the road, no less! Of course, not a full second after Gannon uttered these words did John Thornton jump across. I certainly had a good laugh about it.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: Like all great Browns special teams plays, Kyle Richardson had a 58-yard punt called back due to a questionable penalty on one Nick Speegle. The punt itself was of average length, but kept rolling for ages, in the right direction. The best part of it was that the man who finally downed the punt for the Browns was Jody Littleton, backup long-snapper and Pontbriand impersonator. Thanks to Speegle's over-exuberance at getting downfield, Richardson re-kicked--to the tune of a 31-yard net loss. Is it cheating to award a penalized non-play?

Corey says: I'll go with Josh Cribbs' 31-yard kick return in the first quarter, which set the Browns up at their own 47-yard line. The Browns' kick return unit has really come on over the course of the season. On this play, Josh looked like he would have gone all the way if he hadn't been tripped up at midfield. Unfortunately, the excellent field position was quickly wasted by a three-and-out that netted -1 yard. Kudos to Cribbs and company, though.

Jammi German Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: He may not have played on Sunday; he may never play a snap in any NFL game ever, but practice squad DB James Thornton is the Obscure Brown of the Week. He didn't exactly do anything, though I'm pretty sure he was cheering the team on when they scored both touchdowns. For the rest of the game, who knows what he was up to? My guess is that he was writing beautiful poetry. Laugh now, but consider that Thornton won a nationwide poetry contest in high school.

Corey says: We've reached the point in the season where the dam breaks and the Obscure Browns flow to the active roster like pieces of flotsam on a raging river. J'vonne Parker, Jody Littleton, Pete Hunter, Kendrick Mosley. Last year, the dam broke in like, Week 3 of the preseason, as we were treated to long stretches of legends such as Dyshod Carter and Sherrod Coates. This year, it will be hard for anyone to reach that status, with only a few games left in the season. Nonetheless, my Obscure Brown of the Week is new backup defensive lineman J'vonne Parker, #69, a rookie out of Rutgers. Hey, he has a cool first name.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: The white #9 "FRYE". I may have advised Charlie Brown to wear #15 before the season, but #9 seems to suit him pretty well. The planets seems to be aligning for Frye's jersey to sell like hotcakes in the coming weeks and off-season: he's young, white, local, and most importantly, pretty good... for now.

Corey says: If I could have any customized Browns jersey for Festivus this year, I would want either a #28 "BODDEN" or a #25 "CROCKER". I know it goes against the Festivus spirit to receive gifts, but I don't think it would be appropriate to receive a Browns jersey for the other, more religious December holiday I observe (LeBron Day). Anyway, if any rich people out there want to contribute to the future wittiness of this blog by buying presents for the bloggers in order to keep them happy, feel free to contact us.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: Whoever okayed the current design for the Bengals jerseys, especially the orange Halloween-themed disasters they wore yesterday, is not only an idiot, but should be shot in the face. Now that I think about it, whoever conceived of these jerseys should be shot in the face too. It seems like that they couldn't contain their glee at the opportunity to work with tiger stripes. "Hey, why don't we stick more stripes on the sleeves! You know, to really make sure people know they're the Bengals!" Die, you Commie-Nazi.

Corey says: While I wholeheartedly share my brother's sentiments toward the hideous Bengals jerseys, I would be remiss if I let a Browns-Bengals game go by without naming Chad Johnson the Idiot of the Week. For one, he predicted that the Bengals would score 40 points, which means he is now 0-for-3 in predicting things against the Browns. For two, he's a jerk. And for three, he played a horrible game, which he will undoubtedly deny come season's end. I saw an interview with Johnson from a few weeks ago, in which he claimed that, so far in 2005, no one had been able to stop him--for even a single play! The interviewer tried to ask him how that could be--there have, after all, been incomplete passes thrown his way, even interceptions. Johnson remained vague on the subject. Now, don't get me wrong, the man has had an incredible 2005 season, but if ever it appeared that a star wide receiver had been stopped by a defense, it was yesterday, courtesy of Leigh Bodden and Daylon McCutcheon.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 53.5, or Carson Palmer's QB Rating for the game. It's a far cry from 106.6, Palmer's rating coming into the contest against the Browns. We should give some credit to the oft-mentioned Leigh Bodden, but also to Daylon McCutcheon and Corey's man-crush, Chris Crocker. I refuse to acknowledge any contribution from Brian Russell. I was going to name him Idiot of the Week for injuring Bodden, but he got off easy this time. He won't be so lucky next week, mark my words.

Corey says: 59%, or the percentage of Browns running plays that were stuffed, by my criteria (excluding quarterback runs, which may have been called as passing plays). I don't know what the season-long percentage looks like, but I think 59% is quite high for one game. I really can't explain it, either. Cincinnati had been pretty bad at stopping the run so far this season. The Browns also finally got Joe Andruzzi back. For all the hoopla and blind love that has been showered upon Reuben Droughns lately by the crazed fans of Cleveland, the Browns' running game has not impressed me that much. I believe Droughns to be a fine back, but I also believe that 95% of NFL running backs are completely interchangeable. I would blame the poor rushing performances of the last few weeks on the blockers and the playcallers.

Next week: Charlie Frye leads the Browns into Oakland to battle The Black Hole and other objects of massive gravitation, such as Warren Sapp, as the Browns cruise to an easy victory. You know where to come for all your pre- and post-game meshuggeneh--just keep it right here!

In a world where the Bengals no longer suck, how can we ever be sure of anything? Up is down, black is white--er, hideous orange with confusing white and black stripes. I feel so disillusioned!

The stats below, pretty though they're not, come from Football Outsiders' weekly DVOA reports (offense, defense, special teams), which are explained in great detail here.

Browns offense vs. Bengals defense:

           CLE offense  CIN defense
total DVOA    -6.6%        -7.1%
passing       -2.7%       -24.1%
rushing      -11.2%        12.5%

Last week, the Browns faced the league's #2 pass defense by DVOA. As it happened, they had success through the air--Charlie Frye had the second-highest DPAR for a quarterback in Week 13 (12.7). This week, the Browns face the league's #3 pass defense, so if Charlie has another good game, he's a superhero. Unlike the Jaguars, the Bengals defend passes to different types of receivers with varying degrees of success. They rank #1 in the NFL in DVOA on passes thrown to #1 receivers (-49.6%) and running backs (-65.0%) and #2 on passes thrown to slot receivers (-65.4%). On the other hand, they have been merely average on passes thrown to #2 receivers (-2.3%) and downright bad on passes thrown to tight ends (32.5%). If I were the Browns, I'd call some plays designed to get the ball to Steve Heiden and/or Aaron Shea. Meanwhile, Cincinnati's run defense has been pretty awful, ranking 27th in the NFL by DVOA. I know I said last week that the Browns should focus on the run (a suggestion which turned out to be ill-advised), but this week, the situation is even more extreme. Once again, I advocate running the ball more than usual. Advantage: Bengals

Bengals offense vs. Browns defense:

           CIN offense  CLE defense
total DVOA    31.6%         6.9%
passing       41.6%         6.4%
rushing       20.0%         7.3%

The Cincinnati offense is well-balanced; they rank third in passing DVOA and fourth in rushing. Carson Palmer leads all quarterbacks in both DPAR (100.1) and DVOA (42.4%). Rudi Johnson is 5th among running backs in DPAR (37.5) and 3rd in DVOA (21.0%). And while Chad Johnson ranks 2nd among wide receivers in DPAR (35.6) and 4th in DVOA (32.3%), the Bengals' receiving corps is not all about him. TJ Houshmandzadeh has been nearly as good, ranking 7th in DVOA (26.4%). Basically, the Browns defense may find their hands full and then some. Earlier this week, Chad Johnson predicted that the Bengals would score at least 40 points in each of their remaining games. Never mind Chad's horrible track record in predicting Browns-Bengals items (he's 0-for-2 as I see it); is 40 points really a realistic expectation? Against an average defense, I think the Bengals could be expected to score about 28, since, DVOA tells us, their offense is about 32% better than average (and an average offense scores about 21). But the Browns defense has been about 7% worse than average; that's worth another point and a half or so. If I had to predict, I'd say the Bengals would score about 30 points. Huge advantage: Bengals

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns  Bengals
total DVOA               1.7%     2.2%
FG kicking               0.5      3.3
CLE kickoff vs. CIN KR   1.7      7.7
CLE KR vs. CIN kickoff   5.4      7.9
CLE punt vs. CIN PR      0.6     -8.1
CLE PR vs. CIN punt     -1.2     -1.4

The Bengals don't return punts well; beyond that, they're pretty solid on special teams. The shape of the Browns' special teams has really changed over the course of the season. The punt return team hasn't done a thing in quite some time; at least before, they showed they could mount a long return (even if it never counted). Meanwhile, the kick return team has actually emerged as a strength. And Phil Dawson has slowly begun to look less and less like a star. His high field goal percentage ignores the fact that he doesn't even attempt the long ones anymore. Twice, now, the Browns have lined up for a long field goal, only to have Phil pooch punt the ball--much to the surprise of nobody. Slight advantage: Bengals

Currently, the Bengals have the best overall DVOA in the NFL (41.0%). I don't think anyone out there expects the Browns to win this one. I'll simply be rooting for Charlie Frye not to make any mistakes, and for Chad Johnson's prediction to turn out to be wrong. Anything is possible, as you know, but if I were a gambling man, I'd of course take the Bengals.

You see? Case closed. It sure has been a while since Corey or I have touched upon something other than the Browns, so maybe today can be a good old-fashioned catch-up day (and yes, I refuse to make the obvious joke). First on the docket, the Indians signed journeyman if there ever was one Paul Byrd. I'm sure any sane Indians fan has come to the same conclusion by now. Byrd is a poor-man's Kevin Millwood and, given the delirium on the current pitching market, the Indians are wise to stay away from a "prize" like A.J. Burnett.

The team is apparently hot for Trevor Hoffman now too. I have a theory that whenever Mark Shapiro does something I would call "stupid," his hand has been forced. I have too much faith in Shapiro to believe he really wants to shell out the big bucks for a closer. Relief pitchers are the most erractic performers in professional baseball by a large margin. Plus Hoffman is an injury concern. Double plus the Indians have pitching depth, even in the bullpen. Double plus + 1 Hoffman would be 40 at the end of the contract.

I also started to look into the Cavaliers' major home versus road split today. And so far all I've got is this: . I can't think of a plausible reason why the team has been terrible away from Cleveland. Every statistic I've looked at is depressed, offensively and defensively, when away. And for now I refuse to accept arguments about mental toughness and preparedness and getting a good night's sleep. Professional athletes are sports-playing automatons, and should perform exactly the same every day.

Braylon Edwards has fallen by the wayside. The Browns' mathematical chance at a winning season is now officially gone. They can't even lay claim to sole possession of third place in the division anymore. So much has been lost, and yet, so much was gained yesterday, as Charlie Frye actually showed promise and--get this--exceeded expectations. I must be dreaming.

Of course, we're going to need to see a lot more before we can safely draw any conclusions about Charlie's true abilities. But the Jaguars have the second-best pass defense in the NFL; after adjusting for quality of opposition, Frye's numbers are going to look even better!

Something else that impressed me about yesterday's game--and the thing that allowed Charlie Frye to put up impressive numbers--was the offensive gameplan. Romeo Crennel and Maurice Carthon deserve a lot of credit for deciding that the best way to attack the Jaguars' secondary would be to gamble a little bit. The Browns' passing attack seemed to consist of improvisation and a bunch of long throws, which is far from what we've seen most of the year. If you notice, a lot of Charlie's successful long plays--Braylon's first touchdown, Northcutt's long catch on the right sideline, even Antonio Bryant's catch on the left sideline that was ruled out of bounds--were thrown into tight coverage, where, in a sense, it was anybody's ball. Those passes were gambles that paid off. After all, the running game certainly wasn't getting anything going, and trying out the standard routine of screen passes and short passes over the middle was not going to work against a secondary that defends those types of plays as well as anyone.

Gambling like that is not going to work every week. It takes a lot of lucky breaks (such as several key Jacksonville penalties which kept the Browns' first touchdown drive from stalling). I will be anxious to see how Charlie Frye handles himself against an average opponent, or at least in what we might call a "normal" game. Until then, I'm more than happy to take what he's given us so far.

Play of the Week

Alex says: Dennis Northcutt's 45-yard reception in the second quarter most impressed me. As you may remember, Charlie Frye rolled right--evading pressure--and threw a lofting pass to Dennis nearly 40 yards away. On the run. I wasn't alive the last time the Browns had a quarterback who possessed the skills necessary to make such a play. Namely, "pocket awareness" or whatever analysts like to call it, arm strength, and athleticism. Also, I should point out that Northcutt wisely broke off his route and headed up the field. Generally, football announcers applaud receivers for "coming back to the quarterback" on a scramble. But he did the opposite and netted the Browns about 30 extra yards for it.

Corey says: I'll go with Braylon Edwards' first touchdown catch, a "Hail Mary" of sorts. How many times have you watched an opposing defensive lineman jump offsides before the snap, then shouted at your TV screen, "Free play! Throw it far! Really far!"? Well, Charlie Frye must have heard you. I suggest shouting at your TV more often--and louder--in order to ensure more successful plays like that one.

Player of the Week

Alex says: I find it hard to overlook the excellent play of Charlie Frye, given the circumstances surrounding this game: (1) it was his first professional start, and (2) Jacksonville's defense has been excellent this season, especially against the pass. As I see it, out of Frye's seven incompletions, three were Charlie's fault, with the others being drops and the like; specifically, both of Antonio Bryant's potential third-down-conversion-making drops in the first half, Bryant's acrobatic catch on the left sideline that was ruled out-of-bounds, and the jump ball on which Braylon Edwards was injured. I realize some of you may expect me to eat crow, considering my earlier comments on the Dilfer-Frye debate and my current, well, excitement over the performance of Charlie Brown. Well, I refuse. Trent Dilfer is injured, and Charlie Frye was simply pressed into action. Lacking a veteran backup, the Browns had no other choice. And as long as Dilfer remains "injured" I'll happily enjoy watching Frye start.

Corey says: Alex, it seemed you had flip-flopped on the quarterback issue last week when you wrote, "The Browns are not contenders for a playoff spot now, so there is nothing to lose. Therefore, the team should rightly install Frye as starter and Anderson in the second-string. Would Trent Dilfer be any less able to impart his veteran wisdom and whatever else crap he does on the sidelines if he were the emergency QB? I didn't think so." Now you seem to have flip-flopped back, using Trent Dilfer's injury as an excuse. I think it's clear that you secretly love Charlie Frye and want him to start regardless of your official position at the moment. And I can hardly blame you. With his performance yesterday, Frye won over, well, just about everybody. And that's why he's my Player of the Week, too.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: Even on a day when the Browns special teams apparently couldn't do anything right, we still find something positive. The highlight of the Browns special-teams' game was likely Robot Phil Dawson's pooch punt (the second such play called by Romeo Crennel in as many weeks) which bounced out-of-bounds at Jacksonville's 7. I suspect this move surprised at most 10 people, considering Robot Phil's awful distance on his kickoffs, his earlier missed field goal, and the Browns' field position. In fact, the Jaguars even had a returner waiting for it. But thanks to Dawson's newly installed bi-directional/emotion chip, he was able to aim it away from the returner and toward the sideline.

Corey says: Man, I don't know. How about Aaron Shea's one kickoff return in the third quarter, which ended at midfield (the Browns' best starting field position of the day)? It wasn't a long return, but it worked out well for the Browns thanks to the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the previous Jacksonville touchdown (worth a free 15 yards on the kickoff). Of course, the Browns squandered their excellent field position, gaining all of -3 yards on the ensuing drive. A short punt and a bogus 46-yard pass interference penalty later and the Jaguars had scored another touchdown.

Herman Arvie Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: This past week, the Browns lost the services of a football legend for the rest of the season. Ryan Pontbriand succumbed to a back injury, and the Browns placed him on the IR. Ever since his selection in the fifth round of the 2003 Draft, Ryan has been the Browns only long snapper and has appeared in every game. By my count, in the 43 games (prior to this week) since then the Browns have attempted 78 field goals, 67 extra points, and 208 punts. Pontbriand snapped for every single one, and guess how many snaps he botched--that's right, zero. Pontbriand related in an interview recently that he hasn't screwed up a snap since his senior year... of high school. I only bring this up to highlight the Pontbriandesque performance of his replacement and my selection for Obscure Brown of the Week, Jody Littleton. His play was certainly satisfactory; of course, he has a long way to go before he reaches Pontbriandian heights.

Corey says: I select backup fullback Corey McIntyre, #36, who had one tackle yesterday, on a kickoff return. I don't remember the tackle being anything special, but for some reason the fans at Browns Stadium seemed to erupt in massive cheering. Maybe they were thinking about LeBron. I know I was.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: Everyone should love the Browns' parkas. Firstly, they're garishly bright traffic-cone orange. I bet they even glow in the dark. Secondly, they prominently feature Brownie, everyone's favorite non-sensical mascot. According to this week's Uni Watch, A** M***** hated the elf and phased it out of existence. Thankfully, benevolent owner Randy Lerner appreciates the franchise's history and wants to incorporate Brownie more. Kudos to you, Mr. Lerner.

Corey says: How about a good old-fashioned #9 "FRYE". I know that Braylon Edwards' jersey has been among the top five best-sellers in the nation over the past year; I wonder if sales of #9 will approach anything like that as Charlie becomes entrenched as the QB of the future. I guess it kind of depends on who the Browns select at next year's draft, too.

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: Jaguars wide receiver Jimmy Smith, for extensive sucking. First he baited the easily fooled referees into a dubious 43-yard pass interference penalty on our beloved Leigh Bodden. Then he had the nerve to shove a defenseless Daylon McCutcheon out of the way and then catch a touchdown pass. Given Congress' recent interest in sports matters, I beg you to write your local representative (in my case, the Honorable Stephanie Tubbs-Jones, or "Judge Tubbs") and demand our government crack down on the blatant cheating of Jimmy Smith, specifically against the Browns.

Corey says: Jacksonville tight end George Wrighster, #87, whose attempts to celebrate a touchdown catch in the third quarter were highly offensive. What was he doing, rubbing his ass against the stands? I guess that's how Jaguars try to mark their territory in hostile environments. I'm not complaining too much, though, since Wrighster did get flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Number of the Week

Alex says: 11.3, or Charlie Frye's yards per pass attempt for the game. For the uninitiated, Yards/Attempt is comparable to OPS in baseball in that it's easier to calculate and is actually a somewhat accurate measure of performance. 11.3 is a very good mark; in fact, this season's leader, Ben Roethlisberger, only has an 8.4 average for the season. This suggests to me that Frye succeeds when throwing longer passes, and that the Browns may no longer be confined to throwing screens and five-yard outs.

Corey says: 1643, or the number of rushing yards the Browns are on pace to record this season. I bring this up only to point out that, unusual as it is that there have been no 1000-yard rushers in Browns uniforms between 1985 and now, the 2005 Browns are still likely to fall short of the total rushing yards of the 1986, 1987, 1993, 1994, 2003, and 2004 squads. I wouldn't make too big a deal of the 1000-yard milestone. What matters is quality, not quantity.

Next week: The Browns squeak by their rivals the Bengals, as the entire city of Cincinnati is swallowed up by a huge Pepto Bismol flood, the likes of which we haven't seen since Noah! Will our heroes get out of the Queen City in time? You'll have to wait to find out, on another episode of "Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns"!

It's time once again for that most historic of rivalries: Browns-Jags! Who can forget such classic battles as the bottle-throwing game, the Quincy Morgan Hail Mary... and all those others?

As you know, the stats in this preview come from Football Outsiders' weekly DVOA reports (offense, defense, special teams), detailed explanations of which can be found here.

Browns offense vs. Jaguars defense:

           CLE offense  JAC defense
total DVOA    -8.9%       -18.6%
passing       -9.8%       -33.4%
rushing       -7.6%        -2.1%

Well, it's pretty clear where the strength of the Jaguars lies. Defensively, they rank 2nd in the NFL, despite ranking only 17th in run defense. That's because the pass defense is absolutely phenomenal (it, too ranks 2nd in the NFL by DVOA). And the Jaguars defend passes to all types of receivers with nearly equal success, so there's really no obvious strategy I can recommend to the Browns' passing attack. In other words, if Charlie Frye gets the start (and it's looking like he will), do not be surprised, alarmed, or overly judgmental if he comes out looking like the second coming of Luke McCown. In fact, this would be a good week to keep the ball on the ground as much as possible, given Jacksonville's slightly-less-scary run defense and the fact that, for the first time all year, the Browns' rushing DVOA is now better than their passing DVOA. If the Browns are to pull off the upset, a big game from Reuben Droughns and his blockers would be the path of least resistance. Advantage: Jaguars

Jaguars offense vs. Browns defense:

           JAC offense  CLE defense
total DVOA     5.2%         8.2%
passing       13.8%         8.7%
rushing       -3.2%         7.7%

Yet again the Browns are left to prepare for an unknown commodity at quarterback. This time it's Jaguars backup David Garrard, whose numbers in his one appearance so far are unimpressive (0.3 DPAR -10.1% DVOA), but hardly anything to go on. It's worth noting that the Jacksonville passing game and Byron Leftwich in particular (41.8 DPAR, 18.1% DVOA) have been solid all year, so a change of quarterback, if anything, works in the Browns' favor. Meanwhile, for the second game in a row, I will be paying close attention to individual matchups in the Browns secondary. They continue to excel at defending passes to certain types of receivers, while failing miserably to defend passes to other types, most notably "other" receivers (ie: guys who aren't #1 or #2 in the depth chart). The Browns rank 31st in the league in defending passes to "other" receivers, with an abysmal 48.0% DVOA. When I brought this up last week, I noted that the Vikings' best pass target by DVOA was actually an "other" receiver, Marcus Robinson. As it turned out, Robinson had a pretty good game, in large part because he was able to take advantage of a matchup with the Browns' #3 cornerback, Michael Lehan. Well, this Sunday, the Browns face a similar situation, as the Jaguars' best target, by far, has actually been an "other" receiver, Ernest Wilford. Wilford is only the fourth-most thrown-to receiver on the team, but he leads the Jaguars in receiving DPAR (15.1) and ranks #2 in the entire NFL in receiving DVOA (36.2%). If Wilford finds himself matched up one-on-one against, say, Lehan or Ray Mickens, the Browns could be in big trouble. Advantage: Jaguars

Special teams matchups:

                        Browns  Jaguars
total DVOA               3.1%     2.5%
FG kicking               2.8     -1.2
CLE kickoff vs. JAC KR   3.4      4.0
CLE KR vs. JAC kickoff   5.7      7.2
CLE punt vs. JAC PR     -0.8     -1.7
CLE PR vs. JAC punt      0.7      1.2

These squads would seem to be pretty evenly matched on special teams. Both are solid overall, ranking #8 and #9 in DVOA, respectively. The Browns' best unit (the kick return team) will match up against the Jaguars' best (the kickoff team), while the Browns' weakest unit (the punt team) will match up against the Jaguars' weakest (the punt return team). If there's one area where the Browns have the edge, it's in field goal kicking, where Phil Dawson has perfected the all-accuracy, no-distance technique. How the loss of Ryan Pontbriand will affect the Browns remains to be seen; I can tell you that Alex is recovering nicely from having his head explode--he'd like to thank all those who offered their condolences. Slight advantage: Browns

So, there you go. The Browns have a pretty tough assignment this week. One thing that will go in their favor is the weather, as Mistake by the Lake's own Doppler 20000000000 is forecasting kickoff temperatures in the 30's with some snowfall on the morning of the game. So there's that, plus the normal home field advantage, for what it's worth. Still, I'm a realist at heart, which means that if I were a gambling man, I'd conclusively take the Jaguars.

...because I was bored. Feel free to debate me on anything; that's kind of the idea.

All-Ex-Cavaliers Team (using active players, at their current levels):

• PG: Andre Miller
• SG: Ricky Davis
• SF: Darius Miles
• PF: Carlos Boozer
• C: Chris Mihm
• Bench: Smush Parker, Earl Boykins, Matt Harpring, Jason Kapono, Tony Battie, Brevin Knight, Tractor "Robert" Traylor

Are they better than the actual Cavaliers? Not by a longshot. Take LeBron away, though, and maybe we could talk. Maybe.

All-Ex-Indians Team (using active players, at their current levels):

• C: Einar Diaz
• 1B: Richie Sexson
• 2B: Jeff Kent
• SS: Omar Vizquel
• 3B: Russell Branyan
• LF: Brian Giles
• CF: Milton Bradley
• RF: Manny Ramirez
• DH: Jim Thome
• SP: Bartolo Colon, Ryan Drese, Jaret Wright, Ricardo Rodriguez, and, let's face it... Kevin Millwood
• RP: Danys Baez, Bobby Howry, Julian Tavarez, Justin Speier, Ricardo Rincon, Rick White

This lineup looks okay on paper, but there'd be a lot of 12-10 ballgames, not to mention Golden Buckeye memberships. I'd still take the actual Indians, thank you very much.

All-Ex-Browns Team (using active players, at their current levels):

• QB: Jeff Garcia
• HB: James Jackson
• FB: Marc Edwards
• WR: Andre Davis, Keenan McCardell
• TE: Mark Campbell
• C: Shaun O'Hara
• G: Melvin Fowler, ???
• T: Orlando Brown, Barry Stokes
• DE: Ebenezer Ekuban, Courtney Brown
• DT: Gerard Warren, Michael Myers
• MLB: Earl Holmes, Wali Rainer
• OLB: Warrick Holdman, Kevin Bentley
• CB: Anthony Henry, Lewis Sanders
• S: Robert Griffith, Earl Little
• K: Matt Stover
• P: Chris Gardocki

It boggles my mind that among all offensive guards who are active in the NFL today, not a single one used to play for the Browns. Melvin Fowler and Shaun O'Hara are more centers than guards. Maybe some are on practice squads somewhere; I don't feel like checking, and besides, it wouldn't count.

All-Time Cavaliers All-Name Team:

• PG: Butch Beard
• SG: World B. Free
• SF: Scooter McRay
• PF: McCoy McLemore
• C: Tree Rollins
• Bench: Bimbo Coles, Etdrick Bohannon, Foots Walker, Smush Parker, Litterial Green

There's some nice variety on this roster, from a guy who once led the Cavs in scoring (World B.) to a guy whose playing time as a Cavalier lasted all of two minutes (Litterial Green).

All-Time Indians All-Name Team:

• C: Ossee Schreckengost
• 1B: Stuffy McInnis
• 2B: Snuffy Stirnweiss
• SS: Zoilo Versalles
• 3B: Jap Barbeau
• LF: Coco Crisp
• CF: Baby Doll Jacobson
• RF: Zaza Harvey
• DH: Happy Iott
• SP: Hi Jasper, Grover Lowdermilk, Bock Baker, Bob Owchinko, Spec Harkness
• RP: Mysterious Walker, Shorty Desjardien, Phil Bedgood, Frank Funk, Mike Kilkenny, Pop-Boy Smith

Most of these guys are from like 1905, when they wouldn't let you play in the major leagues unless your name was Biscuits McGarnagall or something like it. In fact, it wasn't until 1933 that Bob Johnson of the Philadelphia A's broke the name barrier, paving the way for such luminaries of today as Jim Edmonds, Frank Thomas, and Tim Hudson, to name a few.

All-Time Browns All-Name Team:

• QB: Spergon Wynn
• HB: Ben Gay
• FB: Voiney "Skeets" Quinlan
• WR: Fair Hooker, Jubilee Dunbar
• TE: Chad Mustard
• C: Quentin Neujahr
• G: Orlando Bobo, Noel LaMontagne
• T: Bo Lacy, Bob Lingenfeiter
• DE: Mark Ilgenfritz, Aaron Moog
• DT: Stalin Colinet, Fest Cotton
• MLB: Eric Lebron Westmoreland, Dick Teets
• OLB: Rusty Guilbeau, Weldon Humble
• CB: D.D. Hoggard, Earthwind Moreland
• S: Thane Gash, Latin Berry
• K: Goran Lingmerth
• P: Derrick Frost

Although some of these guys never got into a game for the Browns, they were all active at one point or another. Some of them (Wynn, Gay, Moreland), you certainly remember fondly (or sourly, depending on your disposition) as New Browns Legends.

Indians/Browns Basketball All-Stars:

• PG: Coco Crisp
• SG: Charlie Frye
• SF: Braylon Edwards
• PF: Steve Heiden
• C: C.C. Sabathia
• Bench: "Big Ol'" Simon Fraser, Jason Davis, Antonio Bryant, Aaron Boone, Leigh Bodden, Derek Anderson, Brian Tallet

I feel this squad could win a few games, with Coco and Braylon pushing the tempo and C.C. dominating the boards. If you're scratching your head at a few of my picks, let me just say that being tall was a huge plus for making the cut. At the very least, you'd pay lots of money to see this team play.

Cavaliers/Browns Baseball All-Stars:

• C: Ryan Pontbriand
• 1B: Andra Davis
• 2B: Ray Mickens
• SS: Damon Jones
• 3B: Aaron Shea
• LF: LeBron James
• CF: Dennis Northcutt
• RF: Drew Gooden
• DH: Kellen Winslow
• SP: Trent Dilfer, Luke Jackson, Charlie Frye, Donyell Marshall
• RP: Anderson Varejao, Derek Anderson, Dave Yovanovits

Though they have a few clear strengths (LeBron hitting 70-80 homers and stealing 100-150 bases; Ryan Pontbriand as the quiet leader with the amazing squatting ability; Anderson Varejao as the kooky reliever), I feel this squad has too many holes to really compete. It's that damn Larry Dolan's fault!

Cavaliers/Indians Football All-Stars:

• QB: Grady Sizemore
• HB: Coco Crisp
• FB: Jhonny Peralta
• WR: LeBron James, Larry Hughes
• TE: Drew Gooden
• C: Victor Martinez
• G: Ryan Garko, Jason Dubois
• T: C.C. Sabathia, Alan Henderson
• DE: Zendon Hamilton, Anderson Varejao
• DT: C.C. Sabathia, Ronnie Belliard
• MLB: Travis Hafner
• OLB: Donyell Marshall, Casey Blake
• CB: LeBron James, Franklin Gutierrez
• S: Ira Newble, Damon Jones
• K: Sasha Pavlovic
• P: Ramon Vazquez

Among Cleveland Wrong-Sport All-Star teams, this one would be the most dominant. With former high school football stars Grady Sizemore and LeBron James at quarterback and receiver, respectively, the passing attack would be unstoppable. LeBron would also be a two-way player, as would designated large object C.C. Sabathia. It really wouldn't matter who you put on the roster, though; with LeBron, you'd be guaranteed to win.