Today, my friends, is a great day. In a few hours I will be sitting triumphantly in Madison Square Garden observing LeBron (let us pray) and the Cavaliers making a mockery (yet again!) of those silly New York Knicks. That's not all. For today is the day of a new poll. But let us first review the results from "Who is your second-favorite Cavalier?":

1. Jeff McInnis - 44 votes - 22%
2. Zydrunas Ilgauskas - 43 votes - 21%
3. Anderson Varejao - 42 votes - 21%
4. Drew Gooden - 32 votes - 16%
5. Tractor "Robert" Traylor - 24 votes - 12%
6. Luke Jackson - 12 votes - 6%
7. Eric Snow - 6 votes - 3%

While it's no surprise that Z and J-Mac would lead the way, rookie upstart Anderson "I need a better nickname than Wild Thing because it's already been taken in Cleveland history, or Sideshow Bob because not only is that taken, it's also stupid, although maybe I should have thought of that before I chose this haircut" Varejao surprised even one of his biggest fans (me) by finishing within two votes of first place. Local boy Eric Snow needs to really get to work on the court, for Luuuuuuke Jackson (with all of .67 seconds of floor-time) easily beat him, 12 votes to 6.

Our latest poll concerns a topic that came up recently while I was discussing a Cavaliers game: parking and exitage. We ask you, the international community, to tell the world what you think has been the worst parking/exiting situation in recent Cleveland sporting history. Let's review the choices. Since both Corey and I were never old enough to drive to either Municipal or Richfield, the Official Dad of the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times stepped in and wrote the comments for those two.

Cleveland Municipal Stadium

There were massive parking lots accessed by one lane roads. Getting in was slow, getting out took almost as long as the game--often several hours. And the parking lots were shared with the Port Authority, meaning trucks, boat parts and other maritime paraphernalia were frequent. Not the most inviting tailgating locale, but quite unique with winds coming off the Lake.

Richfield Coliseum

A parking lot in the middle of nowhere. Literally. There were no other buildings [or life signs] in sight. Getting to the arena meant highways; getting into the parking lot meant traffic signals and traffic cops; getting out meant that you moved along acceptably, but you had no choice which exit you were directed to and you often found yourself directed to the wrong highway [71, 77, Route 8, or Route 303] or the right highway but in the wrong direction. And why the heck were they charging for parking in the middle of nowhere? Just add it to the ticket price and eliminate the insane "ticket booths" with the long lines created by them!

Jacobs Field

Since the Indians play during the best weather, parking is much more varied and spread out. Lord knows I wouldn't walk more than a block to get to a Cavaliers game nowadays. Those silly enough to park at the team garage or Tower City are rewarded with ridiculous traffic, even with a medium-filled stadium. Lately, not only has traffic lightened, but prices have dropped to crazy levels. I'm wary of spreading this information, but my Good Ol' Reliable garage, Garage X, is now only $4 (compared to $15 or so in the past) and 2-3 blocks from the Jake.

Gund Arena

There is a rumor that parking at Tower City for Cavs games is convenient (you get the underground walkway) and easy, contrasting with the parking hell that it is during Indians' games. But I have yet to see that in action. The Gund has two main garages connected by skywalks, but the garages are very poorly designed. So much so that you can expect to sit in one place for a half-an-hour after a crowded game. This wasn't so much of a problem in recent years, but with the coming of the Chosen One our way of life will never be the same again.

Cleveland Browns Stadium

I think everyone expects traffic after a Browns game regardless, so those determined to avoid it park as far away as possible. This fact is only strengthened by another fact, that very few parking structures are close at all to the stadium. For the sane non-tailgating fan, you have cross the traintracks and Route 2 en route from your car to the game, and afterwards still expect delays.

So remember folks, vote or Puff Daddy will kill you.

As we continue to churn out thousands upon thousands of words of drivel, the search engines continue to eat them up. Now, keeping track of search terms isn't just a strange fetish; in fact, it inspired me to write about the Cleveland Browns elf, "Brownie", which is now, oddly, one of the most oft-visited posts. Much to our delight, of course, the occasional wacky search query will pop up in the logs (along with the queries of clearly ignorant/new internet users--something along the lines of "how can i find out how many touchdowns the cleveland browns scored between may 6 1985 and october 12 1991 thank you mr search engine sir?" comes to mind).

So today, I introduce a new feature, where I'll highlight a few unlikely or strange search terms that somehow resulted in a click onto our site.

1. "Bill Belichick boring nutcase" on Yahoo!

   Somehow, our October archives are the very first result you get in this search. Wouldn't being a nutcase make you decidedly not boring? My reaction here is that while Bill Belichick is no doubt boring, he is not quite a nutcase. In fact, he's likely the best (smartest) coach in the NFL. But my calling the week before Halloween "boring" and referring to William Green as a "nutcase" and mentioning Belichick all in the same month resulted in another reader, so hooray!
   
   

2. "mel kuiper mock nfl draft 2005" on Yahoo!

   Okay, an honest spelling mistake. But why do people still click ahead to our site? If you recreate this search, Yahoo clearly shows you where, in the same post, we used the words "Mel Harder" and "Duane Kuiper". We must be awfully intriguing to distract people from what they really wanted, what with our fascinating Duane Kuiper commentary and all.
   
   

3. "jhonny carson jokes" on Google

   Again, this misspelling is understandable. But Google tells you right away "Did you mean: johnny carson jokes". Corey and I shared a chuckle at the person who, looking for Carson jokes on the day of Johnny's unfortunate passing, would still click on a result which talks about Jhonny Peralta and Carson Palmer, even though it was obviously not what they were looking for.

Given the amazing amount of feedback due to the Cavs classic fight song (incidentally dubbed "the best professional team fight song ever" by Cavaliers uh... legend? Austin Carr) "Come On Cavs!" despite it only being mentioned in a post-script, I felt it necessary to give the song its proper dues. In my last post I linked to the Cavaliers news article describing it's history and with a Windows Media version to download on their server.

However, I made a .m4a file for all you iPod users to grab and be able to listen to no matter the time or place. Plus I don't trust the NBA.com archives, things tend to disappear too frequently. Definitely download the Cavaliers fight song! And feel free to sing along too!

Come on Cavs
Gotta make it happen
Come on Cavs
Gotta make it happen

With your fastbreak action
Gotta make it happen
Just keep on comin' on
Gotta make it happen

[Chorus]

The way you hit the boards
Gotta make it happen
Come on, really rip the cords
Gotta make it happen

[Chorus]

Cavaliers basketball is what it's all about
(Throughout the NBA
They've left what little doubt)
And when the pressure's on and the game is almost through
The Cavs will make it happen
And rally two-by-two!

We'll never surrender (no way)
(Ain't no way, never surrender)
No matter what the odds
(Ain't no way, never surrender)

[Chorus 2x]

Come on Cavs
Gotta make it happen
Keep on gettin' on
Gotta make it happen

Come on Cavs
Gotta make it happen
Come on Cavs!

LeBron has finally recorded the first triple-double of his career! He is now the youngest player ever to do so. This is a cause for celebration. Given the fact that he was (and still is) on pace to become only the fifth man in history to average 25 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists for a whole season, it was somewhat remarkable that he hadn't notched a single triple double. Considering how many times he had come oh-so-close, missing it by either one rebound or one assist, we knew it was only a matter of time. I was beginning to wish he'd just pull a Ricky Davis and get it over with already (just kidding).

Some day, when we officially found our LeBron-based religion, perhaps this can be another one of our holidays, along with LeBron Day, Lottery Day, Draft Day, and eventually, First Championship Day. "The Feast of the First Triple Double". I like it.

Meanwhile, I hate to keep nitpicking, but would it have been too much to ask to dress the Cavs in their wine-colored throwbacks instead of their gold-colored ones? This was an away game. That's twice now (in two chances) that the throwback jerseys have been historically inaccurate.

I've been putting off this post for a little while, so I hope it's finally ready. I'm a humongous fan of alternative basketball statistics, such as the work done by 82games and John Hollinger, which are essentially the NBA-equivalent of the early work done by Bill James/Baseball Prospectus and the current research by Football Outsiders. In addition, I just completed Dean Oliver's fantastic book Basketball on Paper (if you're interested in basketball statistics, it is the best book available without a doubt).

Let's take a page out of Rob Neyer's book, and look at these two lineups often thrown on the court by Paul Silas (eFG% is just field goal percentage adjusted to account for the extra value of a three pointer):

            Team A  Team B

eFG%         49.4%     52%

eFG% Allowed 46.7%   43.2%

Net pts.        52      78

Who are these guys, you ask. Team A is the starters: McInnis/Newble/James/Gooden/Ilgauskas; while Team B is J-Mac/Snow/LeBron/Gooden/Z. While the normal starting lineup has outscored opponents by 52 in 510 minutes together, the five I just mentioned have outdone the starting unit, or any other five consistently played by Silas, by scoring 78 more than the opponents when on the floor. In fact, they did it in 364 fewer minutes--more than quintupling the starters' rate of outscoring the opponent! We should all take a deep breath and consider sample size; however, these two lineups are the two that play together the most, by far.

What is the difference between the two lineups? Eric "Lake Effect" Snow subbing in for Ira Newble, of course.

Using Dean Oliver's Player Winning Percentage available at Basketball-Reference.com--which essentially is like a basketball VORP/DVOA and tells how successful and efficient a player has been, since efficiency is absolutely key in basketball--we see Snow's superiority even more clearly. Snow has a career "record" of 36.4-26.1 (.583), while Newble is 6.8-8.7 (.440). Newble has so few games despite only being a year younger than Snow because he entered the league at 26 and he has received much less playing time over his career (which might have come for a reason). Both players had poor seasons last year, but Newble's was tremendously awful. Oliver had him pegged as going 0.3-3.6 (.082), which was worse than all but one other 2003-04 Cavalier who played in more than five games. Surprise, surprise, it's Mr. Efficiency, Dajuan Wagner.

The only individual measure of efficiency I can find where Newble has Snow beat is effective FG% (45.4% to 42.7%). Both are tied at .99 points/shot attempt while Snow edges out Ira 9.66 to 8.38 in Hollinger's own version of the ultimate meaure of efficiency, PER.

Obviously, after looking at this data I would prefer for Eric Snow to be starting over Ira Newble. Snow is much more efficient and Ira Newble's greatest attribute, his defense, may not be so great after all. Last year while on the Cavaliers as the "defensive stopper" Newble earned a 108 Defensive Rating (4 above the league average), which is Dean Oliver's statistic attempting to measure how many points a player would give up in 100 possessions by evaluating how often they stop their opponent by either missed shot or turnover. It's far from perfect, but it's the best statistic we have to evaluate defense in the NBA today. For comparison, Snow has a lifetime Defensive Rating of 103, and earned a 105 last season. On last year's Cavaliers, Ira bested only one other player in DRtg, Lee Nailon. Perhaps Ira isn't the defensive expert he's made out to be. For what it's worth, Snow is also known as a defensive stopper.

However, Snow is the backup point guard and playing both him and McInnis at the same time would leave perhaps Lucious Harris as the backup when both starters get winded. I suggest that Snow and McInnis perhaps should have their minutes staggered so Silas would rarely if ever have to revert to Harris as point guard. Lake Effect and J-Mac need to be on the floor together a fair amount, though, simply because the Cavaliers play so well when they are. Maybe a more beneficial outcome would just be to decrease Ira Newble's minutes: he wastes possessions and he is just average on defense.

P.S. This has been on the Internet for a while, but only recently has come to my attention: "Come On, Cavs" is now officially the best fight song in Cleveland, surpassing "Hi! O-HI-O for Cleveland!" and "Talkin' Tribe" (if you can call that a fight song).

It's time for Part 4 in my 10-part series on the greatest Cleveland athletes at each jersey number. First, for anyone who isn't up to date:

1. The Jersey Numbers: 0 to 9
2. The Jersey Numbers: 10 to 19
3. The Jersey Numbers: 20 to 29

I don't have much to say in the way of an introduction ths week, so I'll just get to the selections. Away we go!

#30 - Bill Willis

Browns, '46-'53

Bill Willis is one of 15 Browns in the Hall of Fame, but more than that, he is one of the most important players in football history. While he played on both sides of the ball, he truly made his name on defense, where he played middle guard--a position that doesn't exist anymore, thanks in large part to Willis. Because he was so much faster (and therefore able to cover more ground) than any other middle guard of the day, he more or less "created" the role of middle linebacker without realizing it. Willis was the driving force behind the Browns defense of the 40's and early 50's. He was also one of the central figures in the permanent integration of black players to pro football. In 1946, when Paul Brown was assembling the innaugural Browns team, he made Willis the first black player signed to the AAFC. Although an NFL team had signed a few black players a year earlier, Willis was the only one to receive significant playing time (aside from his teammate, Marion Motley, of course). By the time the Browns joined the NFL, four years later, there were other black players in the league, but Willis and Motley were arguably the biggest stars among them. While Willis switched to #60 in the last two years of his career, he wore #30 for all four of the AAFC years (all championship years) and the first two NFL years (during which the Browns won yet another championship). The Browns are ruthlessly stingy about retiring jersey numbers, but #30 would certainly be a good one to consider (along with about 8 others!).

Runners-up: Gene Bearden (Indians, '47-'50): only spent about three years as an Indian, but was easily the best pitcher in the AL in '48. Bernie Parrish (Browns, '59-'66): is one of the great cornerbacks in Browns history. Joe Carter (Indians, '84-'89): was vastly overrated, but still one of the better hitters on the team.

#31 - Frank Minnifield

Browns, '84-'92

Surprisingly, at #31, there are really only two worthy candidates. After that, it gets pretty sad. Not that the first two weren't both great players. But with apologies to Jim Perry, I'm going with Minnifield, one of the biggest stars of the dominant Browns defense of the 80's. There's not a lot I can say about Minnifield that I didn't already say when I covered Hanford Dixon last week at #29. While Dixon has certainly had a more active public persona, it is really tough to distinguish the two in terms of performance. Very few defensive statistics are kept in football, and the ones that do exist aren't really indicative of anything. Dixon and Minnifield played about the same number of games for the Browns, and neither one had terribly many interceptions. Both were known more as hard hitters than as ball hawks, anyway. Of course, the two also share the credit for naming the Dawg Pound, which is probably why they were (and still are) so popular. You'd be hard pressed, though, to find a pair of star cornerbacks playing for the same team for so long, not just in Browns history, but in NFL history. The reputation and the popularity are just icing on the cake.

Runners-up: Jim Perry (Indians, '59-'63, '74-'75): began and ended his career in Cleveland, but the real meat of it fell in between. Chuck Finley (Indians, '00-'02): uh... had four strikeouts in an inning that one time; remember that? Ricky Davis (Cavaliers, '02-'04): was a monumental figure in the glorious "Tank for LeBron" campaign of aught-three.

#32 - Jim Brown

Browns, '57-'65

He's the greatest Cleveland athlete ever to wear #32. He's the greatest Cleveland athlete ever to wear anything. He's the greatest athlete, period, ever to wear #32. He's the greatest football player ever. And he may have a legitimate case for the greatest pro athlete of all time, in any sport. Jim Brown may have seen several players pass his total yards record, but his yards per carry record has a good chance of holding up forever. Consider the fact that, in Brown's era, there were fewer games to a season, and fewer playoff rounds. Consider also that back then, it was fully expected that Brown's partner in the backfield, usually Bobby Mitchell or Ernie Green, would receive about a third of the carries himself, since Brown was technically a fullback, and they were the halfbacks. Then consider that Brown compiled his stats in only nine seasons--many fewer than Payton, Smith, and most of the others. Clearly, if we were to adjust for era, like we often do with baseball stats, we would see that Jim Brown is not only the greatest rusher of all time, but that it's not even close. I could watch Jim Brown highlight reels all day; in fact, I often wish that ESPN Classic would simply play Jim Brown specials on a continuous loop. It's not only that he had great blockers, which he did; he was also the best at tricking defenders, breaking tackles, and catching passes out of the backfield. I could go on for days, of course, so I'll just stop there.

Runners-up: Lin Houston (Browns, '46-'53): is one of the best offensive linemen in team history. Tyrone Hill (Cavaliers, '94-'97, '02-'03): probably doesn't get enough credit for the success of the mid-90's. Kenny Carr (Cavaliers, '80-'82): was a solid starter for three seasons.

#33 - Luis Tiant

Indians, '64-'69

It was former Indian Bobby Avila (whom I've already honored in "Jersey Numbers") who signed Luis Tiant to his first major league contract. Tiant went on to become one of the greatest pitchers of his era, and although he is mainly remembered as a Red Sock, he had some of his best years in Cleveland, where his career began. His very best season, in fact, was in 1968, when he led the league in ERA and finished second in strikeouts/9IP. Strangely, he finished fifth in the MVP voting despite receiving no support for the Cy Young. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Prior to the '69 season, Tiant had rattled off three good years followed by two extremely great ones, but his '69 campaign was pretty bad, so the team traded him for some spare parts. In 1970, as a Twin, he suffered a serious injury and the Indians appeared vindicated; of course, in later years he recreated his dominant performances, this time as a member of the Red Sox. As someone who was immensely popular with the fans and the media, he is remembered as much for his jokes and cigar smoking (he reportedly had a cigar in his mouth at all times, including in the shower) as he is for his unusual pitching motion and ability to deliver from any arm angle.

Runners-up: Reggie Rucker (Browns, '75-'81): was Brian Sipe's best receiving option; pre-Ozzie, of course. Mudcat Grant (Indians, '58-'64): had most of his good years after leaving Cleveland. Leroy Hoard (Browns, '90-'95): was arguably the star of the offense of the 90's, for what it's worth.

#34 - Greg Pruitt

Browns, '73-'81

This is an interesting number. Some pretty good players have worn it, and I would really feel content to go any of three different ways. All three of my choices played exactly nine seasons in Cleveland, and while none was ever quite the best player on the team, all of them came close at some point. At first glance, I thought I'd surely end up going with Austin Carr, but when I took a look at his numbers, I discovered it wasn't going to be "a walk in the cake", to quote Dikembe Mutombo. His impressive scoring totals are hurt somewhat by his inefficiency--something that most of the media unfortunately don't consider important. Anyway, I opted to go with Greg Pruitt, the smaller but faster of the two Pruitts. Pruitt put up some very impressive rushing stats at his peak ('75-'78), when he averaged more than a thousand yeards per season. His best attribute, however, was his versatility. He remained an electric kick returner long after his skills as a running back had diminished, and was also an excellent receiver. My favorite bit of trivia regarding Pruitt was that he experimented with tear-away jerseys to help break tackles. Unfortunately, they didn't work very well, since opponents would just walk up to him and tear them off in between plays, forcing him to return to the sideline to avoid a rules infraction. The tear-aways were outlawed soon thereafter.

Runners-up: Austin Carr (Cavaliers, '72-'80): was one of the stars of the 70's Cavs. Kevin Mack (Browns, '85-'93): like Pruitt and Carr, could easily have been named the best #34. Mike Howell (Browns, '65-'72): another fine candidate, spent eight years playing both corner and safety.

#35 - Galen Fiss

Browns, '56-'66

For whatever reason, #35 is one of the weaker numbers, depth-wise. The Indians, in particular, have produced an underwhelming crop of #35's. The two candidates that are most worth considering, a Brown and a Cavalier, are noteworthy for their longevity. Galen Fiss, though, did more than just stick around for eleven years; he was one of the many standouts on the Browns defense of the early 60's. I can only assume that his best years occurred circa 1962-63, since he made the Pro Bowl in those two seasons. His best single game, though, according to this article, was the 1964 title game against the Colts, when Fiss set the tone for the defense by coming out of nowhere to drop Lenny Moore in the backfield for a loss, with the game still scoreless and nearing halftime. The Browns defense went on to record a shutout that day and win the NFL championship. I, uhh, remember it like it was yesterday...

Runners-up: Danny Ferry (Cavaliers, '91-'00): say what you will, is one of only two men to play for the Cavs for ten whole seasons. Calvin Hill (Browns, '78-'81): was a running back who mainly caught passes on third downs and such; also fathered Grant Hill. Bo Scott (Browns, '69-'74): was primarily Leroy Kelly's lead blocker.

#36 - Gaylord Perry

Indians, '72-'75

Although he's in the Hall of Fame (and deservedly so), Gaylord Perry is not one of the 13 who went into the Hall as an Indian. That's because, after spending 10 years in San Francisco, Perry spent the next 12 years shuffling between 7 other cities. Cleveland was, in fact, his second-longest stay, but it was only for three and a half years. So it's understandable that he's not usually remembered as an Indian. He was, however, at his best during those years. Without a doubt, his very best season was 1972, his first in Cleveland, when he posted the best ERA of his career and won the Cy Young award for the first time (with the alleged help of his trusty spitball). It was the first--and still the only--time an Indian has won the Cy. The following year, 1973, was also one of his best, when he posted career highs in strikeouts and innings pitched. He remained dominant throughout his tenure in Cleveland and long thereafter, which leads me to wonder why the team felt the need to trade him midway through the 1975 season.

Runners-up: Marion Motley (Browns, '46-'53): only wore #36 for his last two years--don't worry, I'm getting to him another day. Rick Waits (Indians, '75-'83): was actually the best player acquired in the Gaylord Perry trade in 1975.

#37 - Dennis Eckersley

Indians, '75-'77

Here's a jersey number that doesn't offer a whole lot of choices, but happens to have belonged to a Hall of Fame pitcher during his brief tenure with the Indians in the 1970's. Sound familiar? Dennis Eckersley was brought up as an Indian, and although he left for Boston after just three years in the majors, he, like Gaylord Perry, enjoyed some of his best years in Cleveland. Eckersley's career path is far from traditional; he peaked almost immediately, posting his best ERA as a starter in his rookie year. His three seasons in Cleveland also produced the three highest strikeout ratios of his career as a starter. After Cleveland, he didn't pitch quite as well, though eventually, he won national attention once again by converting to a closer, and racking up lots of saves. You know, just from doing these "Jersey Numbers" articles, I've been reminded of how many dominant pitchers the Indians had--briefly, but in their primes--back in the 70's and 80's. One wonders what kind of success the team might have had in the late 70's and early 80's if they'd held on to Eckersley, Gaylord Perry, Luis Tiant, and Bert Blyleven, instead of trading them for spare parts. I know the offense was horrendous, but can you imagine the rotation between, say, '75 and '83, with various combinations of those guys?

Runners-up: Anthony Henry (Browns, '01-'04): has an outside chance to overtake Eckersley one day, if he stays a Brown for a long time and continues to get a lot of interceptions. Chad Ogea (Indians, '94-'98): wasn't that good, but benefitted from some extremely high-powered offenses.

#38 - Eric Plunk

Indians, '92-'98

I don't have to tell you that this is one of the weakest jersey numbers in Cleveland history. It's certainly the weakest one I've covered since #0. Basically, what I remember about Eric Plunk's days with the Indians is that a lot of people didn't like him. I was just getting old enough to form educated opinions about athletes when Plunk's career began its sharp decline, circa 1997. I remember hearing the nickname "Ker-Plunk"--as in the sound a baseball makes when a opposing batters hit it into Lake Erie for a game winning home run. It doesn't surprise me, then, to find that in Plunk's last two years in Cleveland, '97 and '98, he was pretty bad. What I had blocked out of my memory, however, was how great he was between '92 and '96. During those five years, Plunk had an ERA of 2.81 and an incredible ratio of 9.02 strikeouts per 9 innings pitched. In fact, Plunk's career K/9IP ratio of 8.45 is good for 12th-best all-time, right behind Roger Clemens (and it's not because of his years in Oakland and New York--Plunk's best years were all in Cleveland). So while he doesn't quite hold a candle to the other honorees in this article, he fully deserves his title as the greatest #38 in Cleveland sports history.

Runners-up: Rocky Colavito (Indians, '55-'59, '65-'67): only wore #38 for the first three years, when he didn't play very much, and wasn't that good yet. Frank Funk (Indians, '60-'62): provided three seasons of above-average relief pitching.

#39 - Gary Bell

Indians, '58-'67

Boy, these numbers in the upper 30's sure are dominated by pitchers, aren't they? I mean, I understand why no basketball players wear numbers in this range, but can anyone tell me (a) why no great Browns have worn numbers in the upper 30's, and (b) why, among Indians, only pitchers have worn these numbers? All of the choices for #39 are pitchers, among whom Gary Bell has a significant edge. In his 10 seasons with the Indians, Bell went back and forth between starter and ace reliever. He excelled in both roles, though he often complained that he hated pitching in relief because he wanted to be able to sit in the dugout and "joke around" on his four-day rests between starts. Bell made two All-Star appearances during his tenure as an Indian, both in years when he was primarily a starter. Although he was never quite the best pitcher on the team (thanks to a number of guys, such as Sam McDowell), Bell was consistent and reliable, in multiple roles, for a period of ten years, which is no small achievement.

Runners-up: Len Barker (Indians, '79-'83): is mostly remembered for his perfect game. Steve Reed (Indians, '98-'01): was a pretty good reliever before he was quite foolishly traded away.

Could this be the new official picture of the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times? (Photo from the Associated Press)

Wresting every possible enjoyable moment I can out of the city of Cleveland before I head back to New York Monday afternoon, I've been reminded of the wonders--but also a few of the downsides--of our fair city, especially in the world of sports. Firstly, I have been lucky enough to see a few Cavaliers games recently and the parking situation there troubles me. The car exitage is simply awful, especially in the main garage. In pulling out of their parking spots, people risk their lives on a nightly basis in order to improve their line position by two or three cars. And the garage is overrun with Hummers that take up 1.7 parking space widths. What are they thinking?

But petty parking gripes are nothing compared to the most awful entity in the entire sports world: sports-talk radio. Today was "Hate Day" on the Kenny Roda Show on WKNR 850 (although Roda was on vacation, I think the replacement's name was "Some Guy"). Callers would froth at the mouth about which things in sports were somehow personal injustices against them. Sadly, while radio show hosts usually barely have enough credibility and sports knowledge to work on a sports show, the callers are even less qualified. Generally I'll laugh off the idiotic comments of Dan from Independence or Brian on a car phone but when these callers so much as mention Larry Dolan, my blood boils.

This is not because I harbor any resentment towards the majority owner of the Indians. In fact, I feel I'm rather neutral about the guy. All he is trying to do is run a successful business, it's not his fault that the economics of baseball are more unfair than those of the NBA or NFL. So often though, you'll hear about how Dolan is too "cheap" to sign a veteran free agent and push the Tribe into contention or how he's happy with the team being mediocre. First of all, Dolan is not cheap. Dick Jacobs and John Hart found a cash cow when the mid-90's Indians consistently sold out games and merchandising. However, through Hart's abandoning the strategy that made the team great, by the end of the decade, Dolan and Shapiro were left with an aging team sitting on the precipice of an Arizona Diamondbackian collapse.

Dolan looked to Shapiro to rebuild the team, and the way to rebuild is through the draft and by trading overpriced, overrated talent (ahem, Bartolo Colon) for young up-and-comers. Most will agree that this "phase" of rebuilding was completed successfully by Shapiro, and most Indians fans now also believe that it is time to start signing free agents to send the team to the postseason. This is not the case. As evidenced by Hart himself, suddenly abandoning a focus on drafting and cultivating young talent will only hasten your demise from the top. By not blowing the bank on free agents, the Indians will hopefully continually be able to have youngsters in the minors ready to step in and contribute. By the end of Hart's reign, who was the best minor leaguer for the Indians? Tim Drew? Danny Peoples? Corey Smith? Please.

The fact that the Indians have a low payroll means nothing as evidenced by those teams that "will never ever ever be able to compete" due to their small budgets like the Twins, A's, or even the Marlins. That's why the Yankees won last year's World Series and are a lock to win it again in 2005. So I say this to you, potential caller on WTAM or WKNR, if you don't know who Michael Aubrey is, or you think the Indians will miss Matt Lawton because he scored the most runs on the team last year, hang up. Immediately. And don't ever call a sports-talk show about baseball ever again.

Friends, seventeen weeks of our zany and childish analysis is coming to a close. We saw many exciting, new things this season: Butch Davis getting fired, Luke McCown impersonating a professional quarterback, we even saw Courtney Brown play a game or two before falling to the inevitable injury. In an attempt to be as objective as possible (and we always are!), instead of choosing a "Player of the Year" simply from memory--which would likely be very selective of the last few games--we compiled the totals for every single category used in previous "Born and Raised"s.

Sadly, a couple of our crazy categories, like "Play of the Week" and "Fashion of the Week", don't lend themselves well to this exercise since the Browns have yet to discover a way to duplicate a play from week to week. But for the rest of the categories, we present you the "final standings", so to speak. Each vote (both mine and Corey's) from each week of the season is counted; thus, for each category, a total of 34 votes were awarded (yes, we're counting our "Bye Week Extravaganza").

With the long, tenous season coming to a close, don't expect us here at the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times to quiet down about our Cleveland Browns. Something tells me that the search for a new coach will likely end in disaster as every promising candidate turns the offer down and an endless litany of coaching retreads make their way to Berea for interviews. But Cleveland fans, be merry: The Cavaliers have LeBron and continue to kick ass; the Indians should contend for the division title this season; and the Browns... well, it's almost like they have two first-round picks this year since Kellen Winslow was injured!!! Um, yeah.

Player of the Year

1. Phil Dawson - 4
2. William Green - 3
3. Lee Suggs - 3
4. Jeff Garcia - 2
5. Andra Davis - 2
6. Kelly Holcomb - 2
7. Luke McCown - 2
8. Dennis Northcutt - 2
9. 11 tied at 1

Alex says: He started early, faltered down the stretch, and seemingly redeemed himself during the last week of the season (although I wish he hadn't, we should've lost), it's the Browns' MVP, Phil Dawson! But to me, this wasn't an MVP season to remember, instead it was one of lost chances. Remember early in the season when Phil was perfect and headed to the Pro Bowl? What happened, Phil? What happened?

Corey says: Struggles or no, is there really anyone else who deserves to be called the Player of the Year? No--because Phil was the only Brown to remain healthy and/or a starter for the entire season. Okay, so I'm exaggerating. There's a first time for everything!

Postgame Quote of the Year

1. Butch Davis - 6
2. Terry Robiskie - 4
3. Earl Little - 3
4. Antonio Bryant - 2
5. Jeff Garcia - 2
6. Kenard Lang - 2
7. 13 tied at 1

Alex says: Instead of heaping more insults on Butch Davis, I'd like to use this forum to instead compliment interim head coach Terry Robiskie. In only five games at the helm, Robiskie managed to rack up an amazing four votes! Using our amazing PEQUOTA projection system, if Robiskie is back for an entire season in 2005, we predict he'll have 12.8 votes. We can easily attribute this to his hilariously blunt honesty. His gem, "I really don't know if we can win another game," after being demolished by Buffalo set a new low in player confidence.

Corey says: Fair enough, then I'll heap more insults on Butch. Butch: in addition to being a lousy head coach, your quotes weren't particularly hilarious or insightful! You may have limped off with this particular award under your arm, but seriously, your quotes weren't that good.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Year

1. Phil Dawson - 6 (1 general, 2 field goals, 2 kickoffs, 1 extra point)
2. Richard Alston - 4 (4 kick returns)
3. Dyshod Carter - 3 (2 fumble recoveries, 1 forced fumble)
4. Chad Mustard - 2 (2 kick returns)
5. Mason Unck - 2 (2 tackles)
6. 5 tied at 1

Alex says: While I surely would have preferred to see namesake Ryan Pontbriand top this list, I am not surprised given his continual perfect snaps yet no highlights. Another sad time is that Special Teams demigod Leigh Bodden was injured too early in the season to rack up votes in RPHSPMOTW. Instead, at that point Corey and I were still laboring away with our old and tired "Pontbriand Moment of the Week". Ryan and Leigh, this one's for you.

Corey says: You know, I also compiled the final results for our "Pontbriand Moment of the Week" category, which we aborted after 6 weeks. Sufficed to say, Ryan Pontbriand won the award 12 times.

Obscure Brown of the Year

1. Eric Lebron Westmoreland - 3
2. Leigh Bodden - 3
3. Dyshod Carter - 2
4. Enoch Demar - 2
5. Adimchinobe Echemandu - 2
6. Frisman Jackson - 2
7. Alvin McKinley - 2
8. 17 tied at 1

Alex says: Now that's what I call parity. I don't want to spend too much time bemoaning the injury that cost Bodden a potential season for the ages because it eventually helped open to the doors to Dyshod Carter's emergence as the second-best gunner on the Browns. The nice thing about all those injuries was that by the end of the season, hardly anyone on the active roster wasn't obscure making the choice for either "Play of the Week" or "Player of the Week" the "Obscure Brown of the Week".

Corey says: A tie between Leigh Bodden and Eric Lebron Westmoreland? I wouldn't want it any other way. It will be interesting to see who emerges in this category next year, since, for one, most of our fallbacks aren't likely to get playing time (or even be Browns anymore), and, for two, once we've elevated a guy like Leigh Bodden to the status of demigod, it's kind of hard to still think of him as obscure. I have no doubt that someone else will rise to take his place, though, as Leigh moves on to bigger and better things.

Cheater of the Year

1. Ray Lewis - 7
2. Chad Johnson - 2
3. Miami fans - 2
4. Terrell Owens - 2
5. 20 tied at 1

Alex says: Unsurprisingly, with even more parity than "Obscure Brown of the Year", Ray Lewis is the overwhelming choice as the biggest cheating, lying, dirty, overrated, ugly, horrible, murderous, loathsome, undeserving, ingrateful, shameful, excuse of a professional football player of the 2004 season. I'm disappointed the Madden Curse didn't work it's normal magic this season, but the Baltimorons did miss the playoffs and grumblings from around the league finally acknowledged that Lewis isn't the source of Baltimore's defensive skill.

Corey says: Like "Fashion of the Week", this was a category where our choices had almost no chance of being repeated from week to week, thus the final standings, in theory, are relatively meaningless. Ray Lewis, though, is such an enormous loser that he earned an unprecedented 7 votes (2 each on the weeks we played the Ravens, 2 on the bye week, and 1 in a week where I just voted for him anyway because I felt like it).

But wait! We're not done yet. For this, our last "Born and Raised" until draft time, we'd like to go an extra yard. We bring you our Bonus Yearly Awards! Ready?

Unibrow of the Year

This prestigious honor goes to Kenard Lang, who, I can safely say, has the greatest unibrow of any Cleveland athlete, past or present, on his face. It's thick, dark and bushy--everything a unibrow should be. Congratulations, Kenard!

Crybaby of the Year

Earl Little, most definitely. Not only has Earl made a career out of blaming all his mistakes on someone else, he tried (and failed, I might point out) to initiate a fierce war of words by complaining to the media when his starting job was taken away from him. The Browns did their fair share of finger-pointing this season, but in the end, nobody could top Earl Little, not even Butch Davis himself.

Andr* Davis of the Year

We're going with Andre Davis, the receiver. It was a very close race between Andre and his main competition, Andra Davis. Both played very well before suffering season-ending injuries. Andre, though, had a 99-yard touchdown catch, which sets him ahead. Who knows how many Andr* Davises the future holds for these Cleveland Browns?

Coach of the Year

Yeah, right.

"Born and Raised on the Cleveland Browns" of the Year

This was a tough call. There were some fine, fine candidates--seventeen, to be exact--but we're giving the award to "Week 14". What a fine "Born and Raised" that was. You may remember it as "that time we counted down the 5 worst performances in New Browns history" or "that time we were so pissed off, because the Browns only had 17 freaking yards of offense"! That week, we featured one of the greatest quotes of the season, one of the greatest "Player of the Week" selections, and a classic discussion of the NFL teams that were truly meant to play in the snow. So, congratulations, Week 14! Let's see if you can defend your title next season...

I thought the Cavs looked superb in their late-70's home golds, especially given the way they really thrashed the Knicks (see the game-o-graph). Of course, that's not going to stop me from nitpicking...

Today, as you know, every team wears white at home except for the Lakers. At a Lakers home game, the visitors wear a dark color (like blue, for example) and the Lakers wear yellow. Other teams have yellow jerseys (like Indiana and Seattle), but they only wear them when their opponents are wearing white. Back in the 70's, though, the Cavaliers had a set-up not unlike that of the Lakers; they wore their gold jerseys at home (with their opponents dressed in their dark colors, as in this photo). Then they wore their wine-colored jerseys on the road.

In yesterday's game, however, the Knicks, wearing throwbacks of their own, were dressed in white--clearly the incorrect color. You see, the league decided to uphold the current tradition of "white vs. dark" (which, you recall, still doesn't apply to the Lakers) over the Cavaliers' historical tradition of "gold vs. dark".

Now, it's likely that some Knicks P.R. person or equipment manager just didn't care or know any better, and, knowing the Cavs would be wearing gold, put in an order for some white Knicks throwbacks. It's also possible, though, that the league was fearful of "invading" Laker territory, so to speak, since the tradition of the yellow jerseys has become a source of pride in L.A., and God forbid the NBA upset its precious Lakers.

And yes, I realize that I'm just about the only person who is bothered by this kind of thing. I simply have a refined appreciation for attention to detail.

P.S. -- One thing I liked even more than the gold jerseys yesterday were the Cavs' warm-up suits. They were awesome.

While I wait with bated breath for this afternoon's Throwback Jerseys game on national TV, I thought I might offer my initial reactions to each of the new arrivals in town: Browns GM Phil Savage and Indians signee Kevin Millwood.

(Why is it that athletes are "signed" but everyone else is "hired"? Athletes are "hired" too, you know. And executives "sign" contracts. Sometime, I'd like to hear the manager of the local supermarket say "We're so excited; we just signed a new stock boy!")

Everyone seems to be pretty upbeat about Phil Savage. I said weeks ago that I would give just about anyone the benefit of the doubt, no matter what, because I fully recognize that I'm not qualified to judge football executives (although, you should see my hindsight. It's 20/20!). Now, I was a little jazzed up for the possibilty that Ozzie might return to the good side, so that was disappointing. I was also excited for the remote possibility of getting Scott Pioli, because he's Mark Shapiro's homeboy and all.

That said, I'm very impressed by Phil Savage, just from the little bit I've read so far. I like the fact that at different times, he's been a coach on both offense and defense. He was a tight ends coach for many years, which is a shame in that tight end is almost certainly the last position the Browns need to address. Remember, we gave up a high pick for our star tight end, while Savage scouted and drafted Todd Heap the old-fashioned way.

Now, about Millwood. I am by no means excited about this signing... but I don't think I'm against it. On the one hand, Baseball Prospectus came down so hard against the idea of giving $7 million to Kevin Millwood, I nearly cried. On the other hand, my fellow bloggers Joe and Ryan, whose opinions often guide me, have been pretty positive (Ryan more so, now that I look at it again; Joe hasn't really offered an opinion yet). I guess, for once, I'll state on the record that I think BP is overreacting. It's not like the Indians, if they didn't sign Millwood, would necessarily spend that $7 million on someone else. It's only when they commit money to a future payroll, such as 2006's, that they restrict their options. Besides, the contract seems to be very clever with regard to the hedging of bets. If Millwood sneezes on a Tuesday, then Dolan gets to take back ten dollars, or something.

So welcome, Phil and Kevin, to Cleveland. May you draft many future Hall of Famers and/or strike out many batters--whichever suits your talents.

Here we go with Part 3, and it's a good one! If you're new here, or have an extremely short memory, here are the links for Part 1 and Part 2.

This, I think, is the best segment of the numerical spectrum, and the one I've most been looking forward to. Basically, the 20's and the 30's are the installments where you'll see the healthiest balance between our three beloved teams. The 20's, specifically, represent the strongest showing from the Cavaliers, who are obviously at a disadvantage because of their short history and small rosters (compared to the Indians and Browns, that is).

So without further ado, here are my choices:

#20 - Ross Fichtner

Browns, '60-'67

No transcendent superstars have worn #20 while playing for a Cleveland team, but the number did belong to Ross Fichtner, one of the best safeties in Browns history, for all eight of his years with the team. Fichtner was among the NFL's best defensive backs of the 1960's, and was one of the leaders of the defense that won the 1964 championship, recording a shutout in the title game against Johnny Unitas' Colts. It is also worth noting--for the purposes of this particular blog, anyway--that as early as 1964, Fichtner established the precedent for one of our favorite current players: wideout/emergency backup QB Frisman Jackson. In anticipation of the afforementioned '64 title game, the coaches named Fichtner the emergency backup QB because both Frank Ryan and Jim Ninowski had injury concerns. Although he never entered the game at QB, a proud tradition of Browns emergency backup QBs was born.

Runners-up: Frank Robinson (Indians, '74-'76): broke the managerial color barrier as a player-manager, but only stayed for three seasons. Geoff Huston (Cavaliers, '81-'85): was a decent starting point guard for five years. Don Paul (Browns, '54-'58): made the Pro Bowl three times in five years as a cornerback.

#21 - Bob Lemon

Indians, '41-'42, '46-'58

Here we come to the last of the six uniform numbers retired by the Indians. Lo and behold, all six of them have now notched victories in their respective Jersey Numbers battles. To be fair, only Larry Doby, at #14, had much competition. Anyway, Bob Lemon may actually rank as the second-best pitcher in Indians history. I know I said that last week about Mel Harder, but now I'm not so sure (throw Sam McDowell into the mix as well). Like Bob Feller, Lemon missed several seasons due to World War II, but came back to the Indians at age 26 and still mounted a long, successful career. He was an All-Star every year from 1948 to 1954. During that period, he was almost always among the league ERA leaders, too. And of course, he is in the Hall of Fame. Most importantly of all, he edges Darryl Strawberry as the greatest baseball player ever to be named after a fruit. Lemon is also one of the few pitchers ever to go on to a successful managerial career, although never with the Indians.

Runners-up: Campy Russell (Cavaliers, '75-'80): was one of the best Cavs of the 70's. Eric Metcalf (Browns, '89-'94): left would-be tacklers hugging air. Mike Hargrove (Indians, '79-'85): had unbelieveable on-base skills, but truly horrible power for a first baseman.

#22 - Larry Nance

Cavaliers, '88-'94

Clearly the best power forward in Cavaliers history, Larry Nance is an easy choice for this one, even despite some pretty good runners-up. To think that the Cavs acquired Nance, Price, Daugherty, Harper, and Hot Rod Williams all in the same offseason is pretty astounding--that's the entire nucleus of the greatest (and only) dynasty in franchise history. It's got to be one of the greatest offseasons in sports history, right? The only thing I can think of that would even come close would be that one NFL draft when the Steelers selected, like, 40 future Hall of Famers. But back to Nance. Even though he only played the second half of his career in Cleveland, he is the greatest defender in team history, the greatest shot blocker, and arguably the greatest rebounder. He is also the greatest dunker in Cavs history--pre-LeBron, of course. His career scoring average with the Cavaliers (16.8 points per game) is eighth-best in team history, despite the fact that he was never the first--and usually not the second--option in the offense. His career field goal percentage (.530) is third-best in Cavs history. His #22, of course, is one of six numbers retired by the Cavaliers.

Runners-up: Frank Gatski (Browns, '46-'56): though one of the greatest centers in NFL history, only wore #22 for the first six seasons, four of which were pre-NFL. Clarence Scott (Browns, '71-'83): is among the best defensive backs in team history. Ken Konz (Browns, '53-'59): was a great safety who also punted and returned punts.

#23 - LeBron James

Cavaliers, '04-'05

Now listen, Pops, before you go blasting me as a LeBron-worshipper with no respect for history, think about this one. I am aware that LeBron has only played one and a half seasons so far in his career, but really, he is the best #23 in Cleveland history, and would be even if he announced his retirement first thing tomorrow morning. The fact is simply that #23 is among the weaker numbers on this whole list, which really surprised me when I realized it. Not that I mean to diminish LeBron's accomplishments. His one and a half seasons have been as exciting as can be. But by the time LeBron retires for real, there's a good chance he will have single-handedly made #23 one of the greatest jersey numbers, not just in Cleveland history, but in world, galaxy, and universe history. Okay, so maybe I am a LeBron-worshipper. At least I have respect for history.

Runners-up: Larry Benz (Browns, '63-'65): played safety for three seasons and was a Cleveland Heights native. David Justice (Indians, '97-'00): was a key offensive contributor for three and a half seasons.

#24 - Manny Ramirez

Indians, '93-'00

This is one of the strongest numbers, depth-wise. Manny Ramirez happens to be the most recent in a long line of Cleveland star athletes to wear #24, but he's also the greatest. During his eight seasons as an Indian, he worked his way up to being the best hitter in the league, peaking in the '99 and '00 seasons, when his numbers were simply unbelievable, before bolting for money. That he left us immediately following the best season of his career shouldn't take away from his accomplishments. Good as he's been in Boston, he has yet to surpass his performance in those two seasons, and I think it's safe to say he never will. I wonder what kind of a legacy Manny will ultimately leave behind in Cleveland. The fans adopted a fairly negative attitude toward him after he left town, but think about this: if he spends, say, another one or two years with Boston, but finishes his career somewhere else, there's a chance he could enter the Hall of Fame as an Indian (although that World Series MVP certainly won't help). I know it's likely that he'll stay longer with the Red Sox, but anything's possible. Being honored like that as an Indian would certainly win over a few bitter fans. Would the Indians ever consider retiring his number? If it were up to me, #24 would be retired some day, along with #13 and #25 (I'd have to give some more thought to #8). I think the Indians can afford to be a little more generous with the retired numbers. At least they're not as stingy as the Browns. I mean, what does a guy have to do?

Runners-up: Early Wynn (Indians, '49-'57, '63): is one of the best starting pitchers in team history. Warren Lahr (Browns, '48-'59): is one of the best cornerbacks in team history. Jeff Heath (Indians, '36-'45): was a great slugging outfielder for ten seasons in Cleveland.

#25 - Mark Price

'87-'95

Here we come to what I consider the closest race for jersey number supremacy. I know I'm going to regret this; I mean, I can't tell you how many times I flip-flopped before settling on Mark Price. But rather than relegate Jim Thome to a brief, pathetic mention in the "runners-up" section, I would like to use this space to compare the two. First of all, both men are all-time franchise leaders in several key statistics. Price leads all Cavaliers in assists (by a colossal margin), 3-pointers, free-throw percentage (a category in which he is also the NBA's all-time leader), and steals. He's also third among Cavs in points scored and fifth in minutes played. Thome, on the other hand, leads all Indians in home runs (by nearly 100 homers), and walks. He is second among Indians in OPS, third in on-base, and third in slugging. Thome also served 12 seasons in Cleveland, compared to Price's 9. Both men are much beloved by the fans, although Thome's bolting for more money in Philadelphia is a slight mark against him. Ultimately, though, I'm choosing Price because his contributions accounted for such a large portion of the team's success. Thome is one of the best power hitters in team history, but his contributions amount, at most, to one ninth of the Indians offense. That's just baseball. Of course, by the time all is said and done, both men will have their #25 retired by their respective teams. Unfortunately, only one of them can reign supreme in this forum, and today, that's Mark Price.

Runners-up: Jim Thome (Indians, '91-'02): see above. Mike Garcia (Indians, '48-'59): was one of the stars of the great Indians teams of the 40's and 50's. Buddy Bell (Indians, '72-'78): was a good-fielding third baseman, but didn't hit very well until after he left Cleveland.

#26 - Ray Renfro

Browns, '52-'63

The choices are very few at #26 (it's actually the first number we've come to that has never been worn by a single Cavalier, ever). Luckily, there's Ray Renfro, one of the greatest receivers in Browns history. You always hear football analysts matching great NFL dynasties with decades: the Cowboys of the 90's, the 49ers of the 80's, the Steelers of the 70's, the Packers of the 60's. But you never hear anyone taking it back one more decade: the Browns of the 50's. Few seem to realize just how dominant the Browns were at that time. In the first part of the decade, Otto Graham led the offense. In the second part, there was Jim Brown. But through it all, Ray Renfro was the best receiver. His career mark of 19.6 yards per catch is still the best in franchise history. He is second in Browns history with 5,508 receiving yards. During his career, he made three Pro Bowls ('54, '58, and '61). Renfro may be the only Brown (or Cleveland athlete, for that matter) of consequence ever to don #26; he just happens to be in the Legends Club as well.

Runners-up: Brook Jacoby (Indians, '84-'92): was a mediocre third baseman who had one really good year. Bob Wickman (Indians, '00-'02, '04): is actually the next-best guy to have worn this number; I'm not kidding.

#27 - Thom Darden

Browns, '72-'74, '76-'81

This is a little better; #27 has a number of great players. Thom Darden is easily the best safety the Browns have ever had. He's the franchise leader (not just among safeties, but among everybody) in interceptions (with 45) and interception return yards (with 820). And we wasn't only a ball hawk. He had a reputation as a hard hitter, thanks in part to his infamous tackle on Bengals receiver Pat McInally in the last game of the "Kardiac Kids" season of 1980. McInally swallowed his own tongue and nearly suffocated. But Darden was more than just a great player; he was a guy who had a really sweet 'fro, not to mention his own radio show on Sunday nights on WMMS, "Thom Darden's All-Pro Jazz" (this according to one of Ace Davis' readers, who mentioned it in the comments on Ace's blog -- I don't pretend to be old enough to remember it myself!).

Runners-up: Herb Score (Indians, '55-'59): was absolutely dominating for two seasons, at ages 22 and 23, no less, before a tragic injury ruined it all. Steve Gromek (Indians, '41-'53): was a reliable starter-turned-reliever. Leon Wagner (Indians, '64-'68): played in Cleveland slightly past his prime.

#28 - Bert Blyleven

Indians, '81-'85

Rik Aalbert (or "Bert") Blyleven is definitely the greatest Cleveland athlete ever to be born in Holland (although Rynie Wolters did pitch a mean 76 innings for the 1872 Cleveland Forest Citys). Hey, did you know the Dutch word for "baseball" is "honkbal", that "first base" is "eerste honk", and the "first baseman" is the "eerste honkman"? Isn't this fascinating?! Anyway, Blyleven is a player who has long intrigued sabermetrically-minded honkbal fans such as myself, for a number of reasons. For one, he was open about his desire to achieve statistical goals, like certain strikeout totals, etc., which really irked a lot of people who thought it meant he didn't care about "team success". In fact, he was never very well-liked by the mainstream, which resulted in his getting traded a lot. When the Pirates traded him to Cleveland, he had actually demanded a trade because he was unhappy with the way the Pittsburgh manager refused let him finish games. In Cleveland, he pitched well up to his career standards, finishing near the top of the leaderboard in most strikeout and innings-related stat categories each year. If you follow baseball news much, you know that Blyleven has been repeatedly denied entrance to the Hall of Fame by the pinheads who make the decisions. The sabermetric community, of course, has been adamant about his ridiculously more-than-adequate qualifications. I know there's almost no chance he'd go in as an Indian, especially since the Indians sucked really, really badly during Blyleven's time in Cleveland, but as an Indians fan and as a sabermetrician, I would love to see him make it in, finally. Unfortunately, he no longer appears to have much of a chance.

Runners-up: Rick Manning (Indians, '75-'83): played great defense, but couldn't hit. Ron Bolton (Browns, '76-'82): was a member of the great Browns secondary of the orange-panted era.

#29 - Hanford Dixon

Browns, '81-'89

Although it can be difficult to separate Hanford Dixon from his fellow dawg/cornerback Frank Minnifield, Dixon is probably the best corner in franchise history. He's definitely the best Cleveland player to wear #29, and that's with some decent competition. The Browns had one of the best defenses of the 80's, thanks in large part to Dixon. His biggest contribution to Cleveland history, though, is probably the creation of the Dawg Pound, which started when he and Minnifield started referring to the Browns defenders as "dawgs". Dixon quickly became the "Top Dawg", a moniker he still uses today, as a local radio personality (he does the postgame show after Browns games, for one). Dixon played in three consecutive Pro Bowls at the end of the decade, and was widely considered the best cover-corner of his era.

Runners-up: Andre Thornton (Indians, '77-'79, '81-'87): was one of the best hitters of the "crappy era" of Indians baseball, despite injury problems. Eric Turner (Browns, '91-'95): was arguably the star of the defense before they moved to Baltimore. Satchel Paige (Indians, '48-'49): maybe one of the greatest pitchers of all time, he only spent two seasons in Cleveland.

I'd like to echo Alex's sentiment of thanks to Ace Davis, who did a quick survey of the Browns blogosphere, and was kind enough to include us. I feel it's important, though, for someone, at the very least, to point out that Ace's blog is itself the king of all Browns blogs, far and away.

On an unrelated topic: I am by no means shy about advertising the fact that I generally hate ESPN, in all its forms. But even I am forced to admit that ESPN offers a few services for which mankind should be eternally grateful. Foremost among these are the totally random programs that appear on ESPN2 and ESPN Classic late at night. Right now I am watching the 2003 High School Slam Dunk Contest, which took place at Cleveland State (it was part of the McDonald's All-Star thingie at Gund Arena, for those who remember). LeBron is in the contest, of course. Among the judges are then-Cavaliers Dajuan Wagner, DeSagana (or, as Doug Collins would say, "Dijon-a") Diop, Darius Miles, and Carlos B**zer, along with Cavs legend Larry Nance, Falcons QB Michael Vick, and some lady from the Rockers. I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that.

LeBron won, by the way.

Since the Cavaliers' season pretty conveniently matches up with the time I spend at college, it's rare for me to see the LeBronners in person. But alas! Tonight was one of those magical evenings. Nestled comfortably in the glorious Section 107 (which, I might add, tied the hated Section 253 in a fan free-throw shooting contest during a long TV timeout, thus winning me and my section brethren a Coach Carter Soundtrack CD, which, sadly, I never received, though I do get a free chalupa!), I watched as the Cavaliers stayed even with the vastly inferior Hawks for three quarters only to pull away in the fourth.

An interesting measure of how much Atlanta sucked in the final frame is to look at this amazing "Game-O-Graph". Don't know what a Game-O-Graph is? Here's an explanation! Aside from my comments about the basketball itself, which include the fact that Zydrunas Ilgauskas played terrible defense throughout the game and that LeBron James' block--nay, complete humiliation--of Josh Childress was one of the greatest moments of my life, two off-the-court situations caught my eye.

Firstly, I know Dajuan Wagner was in attendance at the game. Right before tip-off, there he was--as expected--next to the other half of the Dynamic Duo, DeSagana Diop. Both sat glumly on the bench. By the middle of the second half, he had disappeared and was not to be seen for the rest of the game! Corey fantasizes that perhaps he was traded, but I think he probably got hungry and went looking for food. [Ed. Where's Chef Willie when you need him?]

More importantly though, was that Moondog fell. During the third quarter Moondog stood upon the hockey "boards" that separate the floor from the lower bowl, in a lame attempt to get the fans to clap. After little success, Moondog slipped on the dismount and landed in the aisle between the boards and the courtside seats. From my vantage point, I could see little of his injury, but unfortunately he seemed okay, as he soon got up and continued his antics. The interesting thing is that while Moondog lay motionless on the ground for about a minute and a half, not a single Gund arena employee made an attempt to help him. No trainers, no "Animal Control" Moondog-helpers, no security guards, no beer guys. The courtside seat fans peered over their shoulders at the fallen mascot and laughed under their breath. Apparently, the rest of Cavalier employees loathe that dog as much as we do here at the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times.

Oh, and thank you Ace Davis for the very kind words about us. But I should note that only I am pasty, though I have more than enough paste for both my brother and me.

We at the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times are nothing if not uncannily modest, so this may seem bit out of character, but I must point out that our powers of prognostication are simply astounding. There's no denying it. Why, just last week, we told you, "With a glorious victory over the Houston Texans all but certain, the fantastic voyage will soon come to an end", and what happened? The Browns achieved a glorious victory, and the season did come to an end! Forget the fact that we predicted a Browns victory before each of the previous seven games, because last week, we really meant it!

Seriously, though, did anyone else find watching yesterday's game a little weird? I mean, with the Browns missing 74 of their original starters, it's really not hard to beat them. Houston certainly had plenty of opportunities; they even had their running game going pretty well, with all the cut-back runs and whatnot (just like everyone else we've played in the last 11 weeks), but somehow, they decided not to stay with it. I guess I'd just forgotten what it's like to watch a game and be concerned with things like "running out the clock" or "having any points".

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to offer Terry Robiskie a heartfelt goodbye. Terry, you're quite a bad coach, and I highly doubt we'll ever see you again, but your postgame quotes have proven very useful, you look like a cross between Jim Brown and a chubby toddler, and, most importantly, your top-flight offense was just awful enough to land us a top-three draft pick. So for that, thanks... I guess.

Play of the Week

Alex says: I say it's Warrick Holdman, almost single-handedly stopping David Carr on a QB-sneak on 4th-and-1 late in the fourth quarter. At this point the Texans still had a fighting chance, but Holdman's play guaranteed a Browns win. Despite the fact that the 3rd overall pick is only minimally worse than the 2nd (which I thought we had easily wrapped up), has any other city mastered the art of winning the final meaningless game, thus ruining the chances of a better draft pick? Let's review the recent history:

• 1/2/05 - The Browns beat the Texans to improve to 4-12, thus losing the precious #2 pick to the Dolphins (who actually defeated the Browns head-to-head the week before).
• 12/28/03 - The Browns crush the Bengals with a resounding margin of victory of 8 (22-14). With a loss, the Browns likely would have drafted 3rd or 2nd (with a chance at Robert Gallery or, being stupider, Kellen Winslow without that rip-off trade business); instead they had the 7th pick.
• 3/16/02 - The Cavs beat Toronto 96-86 on Fan Appreciation night to "improve" to 17-65. In fact, this wasn't a real improvement for we actually then tied the Denver Nuggets for the worst record in the NBA. During the process, Cleveland lost about 25 ping-pong balls to the Nugs in the LeBron Lottery. Thankfully, the previous efforts of the "Tank for LeBron" season paid off and a new era in Cleveland sports was born despite the Cavs' idiotic play in their final game.
• 4/19/00 - Lamond Murray's buzzer-beating three pointer defeats the Nets 111-108. Both teams came into the game with the same record (31-50, which wasn't even close to the worst in the league, the Clippers' 15-67). The interesting thing is that the Nets then won the draft lottery and took K-Mart with the 1st pick. Had the Cavs lost instead, they likely would have had the Nets' ping-pong balls and would have won the rights to K-Mart instead of Chris "the Total Package" Mihm. Thankfully, everything worked out in the end and the Cavs got LeBron. Martin would have likely pushed the talent level of the Cavs too high to tank for LeBron.

Corey says: I realize I have a tendency to ignore the "traditional" good plays, such as Suggs' 40-yard run or Northcutt's 50-yard catch, in favor of, well, special teams. But I can't help it; I love special teams! So, for what feels like the 10th week in a row, I'm going with a punt that turned into a fumble recovery. This week it was Dyshod Carter, the gunner, who quite beautifully poked the ball out of J.J. Moses' arm, and Eric Lebron Westmoreland who swooped in at high speed and delicately trapped the loose ball. This was the play that finally convinced me the Browns could win; it took place at the end of the third quarter, and made the Texans begin to panic.

Player of the Week

Alex says: Although he played a far-from-perfect game, Kelly Holcomb's performance was such a welcome difference from Luke McCown's Suckathon, I was nearly in tears from the beauty of it. I sincerely believe that Holcomb could be a very good quarterback for the Browns, even next year. True, he has been inconsistent, but we should all know that it's hard to expect a QB to perform greatly with so little talent around him, and so many injuries not only to himself but to his teammates. Don't forget too, that the Browns played the hardest schedule in the NFL this year by DVOA.

Corey says: The true level of Kelly Holcomb's ability is one of those topics that Alex and I will never agree on. Perhaps we'll hold a public debate during the off-season. In the meantime, I'm selecting Phil Dawson. You know, I've been able to forgive Phil for sending his robot doppelgänger to kick for him in a few of the games late in the season, because, frankly, it's near impossible to stay motivated when your team sucks so badly. But bless his human heart for having the courtesy to show up, in the flesh, for the season finale. Surely, the fact that the game was in his home state, with much of his family in attendance, had something to do with it. For the record, here are the final field goal statistics for the two Browns kickers: Human Phil was 24-for-24 in the 12 games he played in, while Robot Phil was 0-for-5 in his 4 games.

Postgame Quote of the Week

Alex says:

Go watch the film. You won't see Antonio put his hands on nobody, bottom line. I've been in this position a lot of times before, and it's something I'm not going to entertain.

--Antonio Bryant, speaking about his sideline fight with Kelly Holcomb after Kelly's interception near halftime. Why professional athletes so commonly speak in the third person escapes me. But what is really interesting about this quote is that, apparently, Antonio has been involved in fights with teammates "a lot of times before". I find that odd.

Corey says:

I've never been in the NBA. I've never been in the National Baseball League. The NFL is the greatest league in the world; I love it!

--Terry Robiskie. Well, sure it's better than the National Baseball League. Everyone knows the NBL hasn't been good for years. I think it's funny how Robiskie says the NFL is the best league, but also admits he's never actually been in any of the others. Then how would he know?

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: As much as I appreciate the accomplishments of Team MVP candidate Phil "the Thrill" Dawson, I have to go with Obscure Brown of the Week upstart Dyshod Carter's forced fumble on J.J. Moses' punt return at the end of the third quarter. Hopefully, when the new front office regime takes power and cleans house, Dyshod will remain a Cleveland Brown. I have been impressed by his special teams skills these past few weeks. And I am excited for the possibility of having our gunners be Dyshod and Obscure Brown legend Leigh Bodden next year. Could it be the best punt coverage team ever?

Corey says: Once again, if I pick a special teams play as Play of the Week, it certainly qualifies as Special Teams Moment of the Week, right? Nah. For once, I'm going in a different direction, since Phil Dawson had such an excellent day. I'll give this one to Phil for his fifth and final field goal, the last of the season. All in all, it was a pretty good year for Dawson, human or otherwise.

Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: I choose Alvin "Mount" McKinley, whose two sacks lead the team along with Ebenezer Ekuban. Normally here I'd insert a few cracks at Gerard Warren, but I think he played well too. His numbers aren't great, but defensive linemen's production cannot be accurately measured by numbers. I really do think that Warren has risen from "terrible bust" to "slightly above average" in the past couple games, which is a major compliment to Terry Robiskie.

Corey says: Gerard Warren, "slightly above average"? You, brother, are far too kind. Let's say he did have a decent game yesterday; it would still be his first in a long, long time. And it would still be a fairly empty accomplishment, given the sheer incompetence of the Houston O-line. Warren's backup, "Mount" McKinley, outplayed him, as you point out. As for my Obscure Brown of the Week, there are just so many good candidates this week, many of them OBOTW mainstays. There's Eric Lebron Westmoreland, whose diving fumble recovery was quite impressive. There's McKinley, of course. There's Sherrod Coates, the obscurest of them all. But I think I'm going with gunner extraordinaire Dyshod Carter, who forced the fumble that was eventually recovered by Westmoreland. Carter was in perfect position to nail the punt returner on that play, and nail him he did, quite devastatingly.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: The #96 "LANG" should definitely be for sale in Browns team shops. The People's Choice has shown all season that he is the best defensive player on the Browns, save possibly Andra Davis, and should be recognized as such. I found it hard to believe how many tackles Lang had for a DE, especially since many of them involved Lang chasing down someone from behind, or way up the field, or on the opposite sideline. His hustle was impressive, to say the least.

Corey says: This week, I'd like to attempt to pick the jersey of a player who will never again play a game for the Browns. Sort of a "don't let the door hit you on the way out" kind of salute. Of course, I don't quite know which players will meet this criterion, so I'm making my best guess. How about a #84 "KING" jersey, in honor of Andre King, the king of excessive, unnecessary celebration. He's a Butch Davis guy if ever there was one, which means he's outta here, fast.

Cheater of the Week

Alex says: Chris Palmer, Texans offensive coordinator, for his classic Chris Palmerian play-calling. Let's see, our running game is dominant today... let's pass! And the Browns are getting pressure on every passing down... let's pass some more! Thanks to his ineptitude, the Texans blew what appeared at first to be a possible Houston blowout into a Browns win.

Corey says: How about Andre Johnson, the wide receiver who duped the officials into a bullshit interference call on Lewis Sanders, setting up the Texans at the goalline for their touchdown near the end of the game? Didn't this same thing happen to Sanders in the game against New England? Both times, the call was extremely questionable, and both times, it led to an opponent's touchdown.

Next week: What, oh what will you do without your weekly dose of "Born and Raised", you ask? Fear not! We're coming right back next Monday with a season wrap edition. We'll tally the final standings in such classic categories as "Obscure Brown of the Week" and "Cheater of the Week", and give out season awards of a hilarious nature, literally! Don't miss it!