Alright readers, if you didn't hear already, Butch Davis is out. Apparently, Butch "resigned." Yeah right. (I apologzie to loyal readers, like a certain Scott, who demanded the Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times take on the matter immediately. But, as we said in our first post, we're not the place for breaking news... usually.) As it stands as of 2:18:50.45308 PM on 11/30/2004, the Browns have yet to name a replacement, but either Terry Robiskie and Dave Campo (who both have tremendous track records as successful head coaches) will all but certainly be the interim coach by the end of the day.

In an inane rambling on the news, Len Pasquarelli begins with "Along the shores of Lake Erie, where the locals characteristically employ the term youse and not y'all as the grammatical second person pronoun, the hybrid Oklahoma-Texas drawl of Butch Davis never really played all that well." Excuse me? Youse? Look, we're not from Brooklyn, we say "you" or even "you guys." But there is no way in hell that a Clevelander would say "youse". He goes on to recount that Davis consolidated power and fired a lot of people while Randy Lerner continues on his own power trip. The man left out? John Collins. He's officially the President of Operating Football Management Front Office Participatory Skills, or something, but it seems that all he does is make press releases and give interviews. Every decision made by the team at all since he has been hired has either been attributed to Davis or Lerner or Pete Garcia.

Speaking of Garcia, what happens to him now? As Davis' minion and confidant he succeeded in stocking up little talent, angering veterans, and cutting a lot of players that didn't deserve it. But from all the news reports I've read, I believe he's still part of the front office. I know that Lerner will likely fire all of Butch's cronies at the end of the season, but Garcia should go now too considering the only reason he has any job in the NFL (let alone practically being GM) is that he is good at following Butch Davis' orders.

Here's hoping that the Browns quickly pick someone to be interim head coach and the Browns slightly improve. After the season Lerner clears house, rehires Ron Wolf and finds some young creative coordinator who hasn't gotten a shot at being a head coach yet, instead of some retread loser or college coach. Things are finally looking up for the Browns.

Hey, wha' happened? In what the headline on NFL.com calls the "Game of the Century" we Browns fans saw a number of momentous happenings for the new Browns: Kelly Holcomb morphed into 2002 Kelly Holcomb; Phil Dawson returned to the field to take over for Robot Phil Dawson, who missed two easy field goals against the Jets; Dennis Northcutt was finally put back into the offense after being absent all year.

Actually, now that I am on the topic, let me discuss Dennis Northcutt. For some reason, he has rarely been used so far this year, with only 40.6 yards/game through Week 11. Some might say his skills have declined but I think that Jeff Garcia may just be a little too obsessed with pumping the ball into Heiden and Shea. As we compare Northcutt's amazing 2002 (when he was 1st in the NFL in DVOA!) with his sub-par 2004, we notice that his catch percentage has dropped from 78% to 55%. We can partially explain this in that Garcia's accuracy has been awful, especially on long passes (which is understandable with all the pressure he's seen). But also, Northcutt's yards/reception have dropped from 15.8 to 12.8. He may just be running shorter patterns, hence the terrible -21.9% DVOA.

I think that Northcutt's best ability is to run and make defenders miss in the open field. Hopefully, Terry Robiskie and the rest of the offensive coaches realize this and play to the Browns strengths. Let the TE's and possibly bigger receiver Antonio Bryant get the quick/short/over-the-middle passes, while speedy guys with hands of glue like Dennis and Andre can roam the open field for long bombs. Anyways, yesterday's game was a move in the right direction, and I have no complaints about the offense.

But the defense... well, you know.

Play of the Week

Alex says: Barry Gardner picking off Carson Palmer and almost scoring the touchdown on the return in the 4th. At this point, the Browns were back by a field goal, and this field position all but guaranteed that the game would be at least tied. Unfortunately, Gardner and the rest of the defense weren't exactly stellar the rest of the way, but for one play, they were fantastic.

Corey says: I'm forced to agree; on a day when the offense produced a great many exciting plays, Gardner's interception was the one that finally put the Browns in the lead. That they eventually blew the lead is regrettable, of course, but we should at least remember how incredible it was that the Browns even had a lead that late in the game.

Player of the Week

Alex says: The Homestyle Barbeque Sauce King himself, Kelly Holcomb! While seeing 2002 Holcomb was exciting to say the least, I feel a quarterback controversy coming on. While I was a staunch Holcomb man the first time around, we've all seen now that he's not nearly as good as a few amazing games would suggest. Not even this year. Prior to his 13.2 DPAR day, Kelly hadn't impressed. I say that until we get to see Holcomb for a couple more games, or Garcia comes back and sucks beyond belief, we should reserve judgment.

Corey says: Unlike Alex, I do not anticipate a quarterback controversy. The local media may complain a little, but the local media is stupid. The team will only let Holcomb play as long as Garcia is hurt. And for the record, I was never on the Holcomb bandwagon (he still stinks, by the way). My Player of the Week is Steve Heiden, whose three touchdown catches pulled him into a tie with Aaron Shea for the team lead. Heiden's second TD catch, in particular, was amazing, and would have been my second choice for Play of the Week.

Postgame Quote of the Week

Alex says:

I went to Indiana. I know how it is.

--Enoch Demar on losing. Taking part in the proud Hawken tradition of losing (except for soccer and swimming, which I didn't play), I feel Enoch and all the Browns' pain. Losing is hard, blah blah blah. The real reason I picked this quote is because Enoch knocks his alma mater, Indiana University. Allow me to point out that in Enoch's four years, the Hoosiers were 15-30. In Enoch's almost two years with the Browns they are 8-18, 2.56% worse than when he was in college. What a loser.

Corey says:

I saw him, but I thought he was off far enough. I thought Aaron knew he was there and so I was hoping he would come back to the ball. I should have thrown it away, but that's one of those things that happens.

--Kelly Holcomb, on the interception near the end of the game. Kelly is one of the best backups in the league, but I don't want to see him starting because he throws too many interceptions. I have always preferred a quarterback who takes few risks and protects the ball (say, Chad Pennington) to one who puts up huge yardage numbers and doesn't mind throwing interceptions (say, Brett Favre).

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: In a game thoroughly dominated by offense, special teams stepped off the stage. One-play wonder Richard Alston didn't have his one good play, but Phil Dawson did return to normal... perfection. So the moment of the week is bestowed upon Mason Unck for his nice tackle on Cincinnati kick returner Cliff Russell on the opening kickoff, giving Cincy terrile feld position at the 18 which of course was so very important in this defensive struggle. Oh yeah, and Mason Unck is an awesome name.

Corey says: Unck's tackle on the very first play of the game was indeed the high point for the special teams yesterday. Barry Gardner, though, had a very impressive tackle of his own on a kickoff return near the end of the third quarter. So for variety's sake, I'll go with that one.

Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: Since Obscure Brown of the Week King Leigh Bodden remains injured, and no other player stuck in obscurity can put together more than one productive play, I guess I'll go with Barry Gardner. Unfortunately, he shall lose his eligibility as obscure from now on because The Incomparable Andra Davis is out for the season with a torn thingy and Gardner will likely be drafted into starting. Browns fans, be prepared for more high scoring games... by the other team at least.

Corey says: Damion Cook, number 71, a guard out of Bethune-Cookman. Damion wasn't even with the team a week ago, and yesterday he started at right guard. Now, the Browns' offensive line is extremely, extremely awful, but yesterday, they did an acceptable job at pass protection (don't get me started on run blocking, though). So for that, Damion Cook definitely deserves his first OBOTW.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: The all-white #54 "ANDRA DAVIS". Sadly, we won't be seeing this jersey on the field again this season. Get well soon Andra. What are we supposed to do with any Andre(a)s?

Corey says: After having to look at the extra-hideous, extra-busy Bengals uniforms for three hours yesterday, I am thankful for anything white and simple. I choose a #4 "DAWSON" because it's in single digits, and I went with a #5 "GARCIA" last week. I would like to reinforce Alex's comments from earlier: it sure was nice to see the human Phil Dawson kicking field goals again, instead of the Robot Phil Dawson. The human Phil still has quite an incredible streak going, you know!

Cheater of the Week

Alex says: I'll go with Chad Johnson. He didn't pull any wacky stunts this time. But he did have 10 catches for 117 yards. As we saw in Week 6, Anthony Henry and the rest of the secondary can shut down Johnson with their eyes closed. So how did these catches come about? Either Anthony Henry has really fallen off since six weeks ago, which I guess is possible, but unlikely, or Chad Johnson cheated. C'mon, would you put it past Johnson to cheat? Didn't think so.

Corey says: Yeah, Chad Johnson. He's a jerk.

Next week: We'll chronicle another game for the record books, as New England outgains the Browns by 700 yards, but ends up losing for only the second time in 8 years, thanks to unexplained extraterrestrial intervention. Apparently Browns Backers of Jupiter have had enough.

We were both back in town for Thanksgiving this week, just long enough to attend last night's 96-74 humiliation of the Chicago Bulls. Our dad (the Official Dad of Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times) has a small share of a season ticket package, and we were giving his new seats a test run. Well, I'm pleased to report that there are only a few spots in Gund Arena in which I'd rather sit. I was sitting one row behind and one seat to the right of Joe Tait, at the front of the second deck, at mid-court. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear Joe's call over the incessant noise of the PA system, but I had the luxury of keeping all the stats on his computer screen, as well as watching some thrilling Division III college football along with Joe during timeouts. We're pretty much like buddies now, Joe and I.

Anyway, the game itself was a laugher, as the Cavs jumped out to an early 135-7 lead and never looked back. Among the highlights of the evening however, were:

• LeBron, McInnis, Gooden and Z having fun on the bench during the fourth quarter, when the backups were taking care of business on the court. LeBron participated in the "slingshot mini basketballs into the crowd" game during a timeout. He went over to a member of the "Scream Team" and took a handfull of mini basketballs and started chucking them. Later, the entire Cavs bench participated in The Wave.
• Z's over-the-shoulder assist to Tractor Traylor, even though Tractor blew the whole moment by missing the easy layup.
• DeSagana Diop attempting a three pointer! Diop is so awesome, in spite of himself. Whenever he blocks a shot, the scoreboard should flash the phrase "You've been Diopped!"
• Dan Aykroyd's performance as the "sixth man" (you know, the person who says "Are you ready, Cavaliers fans? Turn out the lights" before the player introductions). I've never seen anyone deliver that line convincingly, and as a result I've always thought it was a stupid way to begin the whole thing. But for once they had an actual actor do the honors, albeit an overrated, unfunny actor. Aykroyd's delivery was clear, motivated, and appropriately over-the-top.

First of all, sorry about the terribly stupid and clichéd title, but I need to express glee. Once again taking cues from the influential, Pulitzer Prize winning* 'blog "Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times," Randy Lerner was reportedly going to fire Butch Davis yesterday but will give him one more game to redeem himself.

In a game sure to remind Browns' fans of Chris Palmer's "Please Don't Fire Me" Game. If you can't remember, on December 17, 2000 against the Titans in Week 16, Palmer "opened up the offense" by having Dennis Northcutt and Kevin Johnson take approximately 50% of the snaps and therefore becoming the two best healthy quarterbacks on the team passing Doug Pederson and Spegon Wynn. The Browns were pounded 24-10 and Palmer was rightfully canned.

However I have a feeling that this game against the Bengals will likely turn out differently, and Davis will finish the season with the Browns. Unfortunately, the Browns will probably go 7-9 this season thus serving two awful purposes (a) saving Davis' job and (b) guaranteeing a bad draft pick. I haven't rooted for the Browns to lose so hard since Week 17 last year against these same Bengals to get possibly the top pick.

* Prize is pending

We here at Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times are nothing if not forthcoming (and thorough) in our placement of blame. Thus, while it pains me to say this, I feel I must. You see, my own dear brother and co-blogger, J. Prescott "Alex" Rubin, is personally responsible for the terrible events of yesterday. By leaving the peaceful land of Cleveland for the hostile world of Manhattan, he has somehow upset the balance of the universe, causing the Browns and Cavs to lose embarassingly to the Jets and Knicks by a combined total score of 108-95. In fact, Cleveland teams are virtually winless against New York teams since Alex took up residence there. The last time a Cleveland team beat a New York team was only a couple of days after Alex arrived in New York, well before his classes had even started. And even that victory was by a slim margin, as the Indians barely managed to squeak by the Yankees, 22-0. Since that day, Cleveland teams are 0-5 against their New York counterparts. This can't be a coincidence.

Compare that, now, with the unbelievable success our beloved Cleveland teams have had against those of Chicago since the day that I took up residence in the Windy City. Over the past 39 months, the Cavs, Browns and Indians are a combined 70-0 against the Bulls, Bears, and White Sox. Incredible! Anyway, I know that Alex is sorry for what he's done, and we're working to see if we can correct the problem, but it may be too late.

In the meantime, however, we are left to pour over the remains of a Browns game that was pretty ugly. If Phil Dawson had simply chosen to show up yesterday, instead of sending a robot Dawson look-alike to take his place, we would almost certainly have won the game. If the robot Dawson, though, had managed to make just one of his field goal attempts, we would at least have sent the game to overtime.

The defense, of course, played extremely well, against an offense that has been among the best in football (this despite the popular belief that the Jets have overachieved). The defense has Quincy Carter to thank for a good portion of their success, though, as the Jets' QB failed to take advantage of the one area in which he might possibly be confused for a successful NFL player: his mobility.

The Browns' offense, on the other hand, gave another characteristic crappy performance. Despite committing no turnovers and allowing only one sack, they managed only 7 points. Part of the problem was the insane number of times Jeff Garcia had to throw the ball away just to barely avoid a sack. At this point, it's obvious to everyone on the planet Earth that the problem is the offensive line. The Browns have adequate (or better) talent at all of the other positions on offense. But now, with Ryan Tucker succumbing to injury, we are faced with the possibilty of a starting O-line of Verba, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey and Doc. I submit that we may be better off forgetting about fielding a left tackle, and simply conceding that side of the field to the opposing defense.

Play of the Week

Alex says: It was Sheiden, #82½, dragging Jets' safety Eric Coleman nearly 10 yards after a short reception until being pushed out of bounds. The refs spotted it as a 2nd-and-1, but we all know it was really a first down. This was one of the few memorable plays of the game, and one of the even fewer memorable good plays for the Browns.

Corey says: I agree that it was Eric Coleman's piggy-back ride on Steve Heiden. I, however, prefer to give Mr. Heiden full credit for his performance, instead of concocting some silly nickname that attempts to pretend Heiden and Shea are the same person. Don't get me wrong -- I'm all for silly nicknames -- but the whole "Sheiden" thing is just not for me. Earl Little's interception (complete with cocky, twinkle-toes runback) is a distant runner-up.

Player of the Week

Alex says: Andra Davis. The Browns defense played very well for the game overall, and it's sad that a few missed tackles on Lamont Jordan at the end were the last nail in the coffin. Personally, I don't like pinning down the outcome of a game on a few plays--for the defense finally bothered a quarterback consistently during the game. That was especially unexpected given the Jets offensive line was 3rd in the League in sack rank coming into the game. Andra is undoubtedly the best player on the defense, and while he didn't pressure Quincy Carter as much as Chaun (?!), that's because Andra wasn't blitzed as often by Campo. In addition, Andra seemed to be involved in nearly every tackle during the game.

However, not everything went perfectly on the defense. With QB/running joke Quincy Carter starting, why didn't the secondary press the receivers? We saw during the game Carter badly overthrow or just merely miss his receivers on long routes. Despite the speed of WRs like Santana Moss, Carter wouldn't've been able to get the ball to them anyway if the CBs pressed. Instead, this week, Anthony Henry repeated his sleepy performance of last week and Daylon did his best Anthony Henry impression.

Corey says: I didn't see anything wrong with the secondary yesterday. Quincy carter only passed for, like, 100 yards. If the defense had one weakness, it was the fact that they gave up significant runs to both Curtis Martin and Lamont Jordan. Since a majority of these runs were straight up the middle, I can't give my Player of the Week to Andra. I'll give it to Chaun Thompson, for lack of anyone better. He had the most sacks, but really, the whole defense deserves praise. They really punchasized Quincy Carter's face, for free.

Postgame Quote of the Week

Alex says:

The one thing that I do have a great deal of respect about these players is that after last week’s loss, almost--not unanimously but almost unanimously--the majority of the players came in on Monday and Tuesday. And it was like, “Coach what can we do?" Talking to the position coaches and coordinators and myself, "what can we do to try to win a game? How do we approach this?"

--Butch Davis. So given that the Browns players played as hard as possible and practiced as much and efficiently as possible, why did the Browns lose? Given Davis' words, it would be difficult to place the blame on the team because they played so hard and practiced diligently in preparation of the game. I think that the answer is a combination of two factors, both of which eventually fall at Davis' feet: (a) The players may be playing hard, but they are not receiving the right plays to execute to have a halfway decent offense and/or (b) the Browns don't have talented enough players to compete with good teams. No matter how well prepared you are, if your team has no talent, you'll lose.

Corey says:

It was one of my best games, but it wasn't good enough. I could have a million sacks and a million tackles, [but] if we don't win that game, it don't mean nothing.

--Chaun Thompson. Just for fun, I'm trying to think of a way that Chaun could have a million sacks. I don't think it's possible, but if it were, there would be no way the Browns could lose the game, as Chaun suggests. For starters, Chaun would have to record a sack on every play of the game. If each sack, for example, forced a fumble that was recovered by the Browns and returned for a touchdown, then the Browns' offense would never take the field, and Chaun would have lots and lots of opportunities for sacks. The constant scoring, then, would keep the clock stopped after each play, once again allowing Chaun more opportunities. If we are overly optimistic, and assume that each repetition of this pattern took about 10 seconds off the clock, then the most sacks I could see Chaun recording would be about 360. While this would certainly be impressive and would guarantee a Browns victory, it's far from being a million sacks.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: Richard Alston once again running back a long kickoff return. While he usually offsets one great return with a couple of pedestrian or even boneheaded plays, Alston yesterday was consistently above average. But I don't want to highlight just Alston for making nice runs, but the man who is most responsible for the runs, Frisman Jackson. On each of the three long returns Jackson threw a key block. His presence was fundamental in Alston breaking out and getting big yards.

Corey says: How about Orpheus Roye getting his fingertips on the Jets' first FG attempt? I may be mistaken, but I think this was the first blocked kick the Browns have had this season. And who would have ever expected to see Orpheus win the RPHSTMOTW?

Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: Michael Lehan. While most of us probably remember him missing a leg tackle on Justin McCareins on the Jets' touchdown, but he did a very good job replacing Daylon as a starting corner. I don't know if I can blame the corners themselves for giving big cushions to receivers any more because that seems like a team-wide philosophy, but I think Lehan is a very good backup. Hopefully he'll let his 'dreads continue to grow and will soon surpass Mike McKenzie.

Corey says: Adimchinobe Echemandu, the newest obscure Brown. It was his 24th birthday yesterday, and also his first NFL game. So even though he didn't get in on any action, he deserves some recognition. Here's hoping he sticks around long enough to warrant the purchase of an "Echemandu" jersey.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: While the orange jerseys are an affront to all that is holy, I guess I have to choose from slim pickins, so I say the #83 "SHEA". If I were a Brown and were lucky enough to score a touchdown at home, I'm not sure whether I'd leap into the crowd as Shea customarily does. I've noticed that each time he does so he gets lots of beer spilled in his face. While that isn't terribly important, still, I don't think I want some stranger spilling liquids in my face. I think I'd instead go with an awesomely creative endzone dance.

Corey says: I'd like to take this opportunity to complain about the orange jerseys as well. I have absolutely no idea why these hideous jerseys are so beloved by the fans. They would look fine on plenty of other teams, but they are so distinctly un-Browns-like. If the team feels the need to continue selling them to the fans because they bring in so much money, so be it, but do they have to continue wearing them in real-live games? Anyway, my Fashion of the Week is a good old brown #5 "GARCIA". Stop the madness, people: if you're going to be like everyone else and buy the jersey of the starting quarterback, at least go with the color that looks good.

Cheater of the Week

Alex says: Phil Simms, for constantly suggesting that the Browns have to get back to their gameplan from Week 1 against the Ravens. He repeatedly hinted at the Browns offensive success, especially in the running game, that week. Oh is that so, Phil? Well, as a matter of fact, the Ravens outgained the Browns that week, both in the air and on the ground. They had more first downs too. The Browns won though due to a couple of lucky/big plays (Quincy's TD and the two turnovers). How I miss being able to turn off idiotic TV commentators and listen to Jim, Doug, and Casey every Sunday. Damn CBS.

Corey says: I really don't have anything against any members of the Jets, so I guess I'll go with Jim Nantz, just to complete the CBS sweep of this category. For some reason, it really bothered me the way Nantz kept saying "Equiban". Jim, it's "Ekuban"! Football announcers, in general, are attrociously horrible; it doesn't matter who's covering the Browns in a given week, they're guaranteed to do a terrible job.

Next week: The Browns piss away any chance they had at the #1 draft pick, as their slow climb out of the basement begins with a stunning victory over the Cincinnati Bengals. Join us here, for another inspiring edition of "Born and Raised"!

Even though this is a Cleveland sports blog, I think a few words deserve to be said about the worst brawl in the history of American pro sports.

About once or twice a year, it seems, the fans get involved in a game like this, either throwing things at the players or refs, or, worse, fighting with them hand-to-hand. The media is usually, then, very critical of the fans. What really gets me is the way they are now criticizing "the fans of Detroit", the way they were so critical of "the fans of Cleveland" after the Browns-Jaguars fiasco of 2001. Only on some deeper level is it understood that alcohol makes crowds do stupid things; instead we are to focus on the belief that the people of a specific town drink too much alcohol.

Anyway, it's worth noting that many of the more infamous incidents like this have occured in Chicago, Cleveland, and now Detroit. Is this type of fan behavior more likely to happen among Midwestern folk? I suppose you could argue that you don't see this taking place as often in, say, the sun belt, because sports fans there aren't as passionate, mainly because their teams don't have as much history (because they tend to be newer, expansion-era teams), but that doesn't really do it for me. So long as the Houston Rockets, for example, sell as many tickets and serve as much beer as the Detroit Pistons (and I'm assuming that they do), then I'd like to believe this incident was just as likely to occur there.

Finally, how do you rank the major brawls of the modern era? This incident is definitely #1 among basketball games, but I think Disco Demolition at old Comiskey Park and 10-cent beer night at old Cleveland Stadium might represent the ultimate in infamy. We'll have to wait and see how the Pistons-Pacers brawl is remembered.

Okay, so we now agree that Butch Davis did a better job at drafting than Dwight Clark. Big shocker there. Dwight Clark is the Randy Smith of the NFL. But not to jump on him too much, to his credit (A) "The Catch" was amazing, and (B) I had Chemistry class with his daughter and she is really attractive. So kudos Dwight.

Corey's evaluation is skewed given that he's comparing Butch Davis to the King of Incompetent Team Management. Of course Davis will come out looking good. And give no credence to those stupid draft grades by "experts" after every draft. Grade inflation is severely rampant. Instead of evaluating the Browns' picks in an isolated environment (which tells us nothing about what the Browns could or should have been doing, since the draft is all about the infinite possible paths your team can go in), what would be much, much more convincing and informative would be to compare the Browns' picks with the effectiveness of the picks made by all the other teams in the same rounds since 2001.

However, I can't think of a feasible way of doing so without going through all 209,816.73 guys drafted since then. If you, valued reader, can think of a good way to evaluate Butch Davis' drafting record next to that of all the other teams in the AFC or, hopefully, the entire NFL, please leave it in the comments and we'll get our crack staff of interns to work.

Personally, I believe that the main problem of the Browns is not that they draft untalented players (they don't), but that they draft players who aren't needed. The Browns have especially needed good offensive linemen every year since 1999 yet Fowler and Faine are the only two to be drafted prior to the sixth round by Butch. Why take William Green in the 1st round when we know that the offensive line makes the back, not the other way around? If you don't believe me, look at the Broncos of the past 10 years and the Vikings for the past three.

P.S. Paul Zukauskas was arrested in Berea for DUI. But Zuskauskas maintains, "I'm not guilty. I'll let the legal system take its course. I'm disappointed. I'm sorry for even having to be here and talking about it." Now both Z's in Cleveland sports have been arrested for DUI! Hooray!

[Corey says: I wasn't comparing Davis to Clark. My analysis of Butch was not influenced by my analysis of Clark. I realize that by presenting both, I invited the comparison, but it was not my intention to use one to shape your opinion of the other. I also never said a thing about the yearly draft grades handed out by "draft experts". Alex made that suggestion on his own. Alex may have a good point about drafting guys who didn't fit the team's needs, even if they were good players. The lack of focus on the offensive line has indeed been a serious mistake. I would, however, like to defend the pick of William Green, as we really did need a running back at that point (or it would have been another year of James Jackson - eww). Finally, I'd like to say that Dwight Clark's daughter, while, as I understand it, a nice person, is far from being "really attractive", as Alex suggests.]

Keith Heinrich is now active, giving the Browns five tight ends. We're now six deep on the depth chart, if you count Kellen. Maybe coach Davis is cooking up a new formation, the 5-TE set. In the 5-TE, you line up three tight ends on one side and two on the other, with an empty backfield. Basically, you're making it look like an extreme power running formation, but since there's no one in the backfield, you're forced to call a pass. It's going to revolutionize football!

James Jackson has been waived. The good news is that we may finally get to see Adimchinobe Echemandu in action! The bad news is that, once again, the Browns punted away a player without getting anything in return. Didn't we hear reports in the first few weeks of the season that someone offered a fourth-round pick or something for Jackson, but Butch said that wasn't good enough; he demanded a third rounder or better, because that's what Jackson was originally?

In response to this week's "Born and Raised", loyal reader Anonymous offered a pick-by-pick assessment of Butch Davis' last three drafts, arguing that his terrible draft record is one of the major reasons Butch should be fired.

I now agree that Butch should be fired, but I don't think it's because of his drafting. Perhaps being in charge of the draft has detracted from his ability to be a good coach, but his drafts, I feel, have ranged from adequate to good. Certainly he's done infinitely better than his predecessors did.

So, if it's okay with Anonymous, I'd like to offer my own pick-by-pick assessment of Butch's drafts in Cleveland, as well as the infamous '99 and '00 catastrophes that took place before Butch arrived.

First round picks

Butch Davis:

• Kellen Winslow ('04)
• Jeff Faine ('03)
• William Green ('02)
• Gerard Warren ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Courtney Brown ('00)
• Tim Couch ('99)

In the first round, you're supposed to get stars. While Dwight Clark obviously failed miserably in acquiring stars with his first round picks, I don't hold it against him, as the selections of Couch and Brown were considered slam dunks by pretty much everyone, everywhere. The best that can be said about Butch's ability to acquire stars in the first round, meanwhile, is that a few of the more recent picks still have a chance to become stars, especially Winslow. Gerard Warren was obviously not a good pick (though, to be fair, in 2001 Butch did not yet have complete control over the draft), but William Green and Jeff Faine are both good players. If Faine has little chance of becoming a star, it's merely because he's an offensive lineman, and will receive no media attention over the course of his career. He still has a chance to be a great player.

Second round picks

Butch Davis:

• Sean Jones ('04)
• Chaun Thompson ('03)
• Andre Davis ('02)
• Quincy Morgan ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Dennis Northcutt ('00)
• Kevin Johnson ('99)
• Rahim Abdullah ('99)

Butch's second round picks are hard to evaluate. We can safely say that Quincy Morgan has turned into a good player, but probably not worthy of the second round. Andre Davis, as far as I'm concerned, has turned out great. But it's really too early to make a call on Chaun Thompson, let alone Sean Jones, who will make his debut next season. The '99 and '00 second round guys consist of two acceptable picks and one horrible one.

Third round picks

Butch Davis:

• Chris Crocker ('03)
• Melvin Fowler ('02)
• James Jackson ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Travis Prentice ('00)
• JaJuan Dawson ('00)
• Daylon McCutcheon ('99)
• Marquis Smith ('99)

This is a round where Butch's picks have indeed been pretty bad. James Jackson was obviously a reach - a case where Butch just really wanted one of "his guys". Melvin Fowler looks like he'll have a decent career as a backup, but not a starter. Crocker, at least, looks like a pretty good pick. Butch's decision to punt away his 2004 third-round pick, though, is pretty bad. He basically gave up this pick (and a few minor concessions) for the right to move up one slot in the first round. The '99 and '00 drafts yielded only Daylon McCutcheon in this round. The rest of those guys are complete busts.

Fourth round picks

Butch Davis:

• Luke McCown ('04)
• Lee Suggs ('03)
• Kevin Bentley ('02)
• Ben Taylor ('02)
• Darnell Sanders ('02)
• Anthony Henry ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Lewis Sanders ('00)
• Aaron Shea ('00)
• Wali Rainer ('99)

Now, I think, you're pretty much looking for solid role players. If you hit upon a decent starter in the fourth round, that's a pretty big success. Butch has had some great fourth round picks, most notably Anthony Henry and Lee Suggs. Guys like Bentley and Taylor have turned into good role players, and while Darnell Sanders didn't work out, Luke McCown may someday be a starter. Obviously, it's too early to tell. In '99 and '00, Dwight Clark picked up two decent role players in Rainer and Shea, plus a decent depth-chart filler-outer in Lewis Sanders. Not bad, but Butch did better.

Fifth round picks

Butch Davis:

• Amon Gordon ('04)
• Ryan Pontbriand ('03)
• Michael Lehan ('03)
• Andra Davis ('02)
• Jeremiah Pharms ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Anthony Malbrough ('00)
• Lamar Chapman ('00)
• Darrin Chiaverini ('99)

Obviously, Andra Davis in the fifth round is the best pick the Browns have had since the expansion. After that, Butch did okay with Lehan and Pontbriand (though he probably could have had Pontbriand as an undrafted free agent). Jeremiah Pharms, obviously, was a poor selection, what with the murder and the jail and all. The '99 and '00 fifth rounds, though, were loaded with a whole bunch of crap, and nothing else. Speaking of Darrin Chiaverini, this summer I actually saw a man in Chicago wearing a Browns Chiaverini jersey! I couldn't believe my eyes.

Sixth round picks

Butch Davis:

• Kirk Chambers ('04)
• Antonio Garay ('03)
• Michael Jameson ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Spergon Wynn ('00)
• Brad Bedell ('00)
• Marcus Spriggs ('99)
• Kendall Ogle ('99)
• James Dearth ('99)

In the sixth round, you just hope you can pick up the occasional solid bench-warmer. Butch got one in Michael Jameson. So far, however, Antonio Garay hasn't turned out well, and obviously it's too soon to tell on Amon Gordon. The '99 and '00 drafts, once again, turned up an unfathomable pile of dreck in this round.

Seventh round picks

Butch Davis:

• Adimchinobe Echemandu ('04)
• Joaquin Gonzalez ('02)
• Paul Zukauskas ('01)
• Andre King ('01)

Pre-Butch:

• Manuia Savea ('00)
• Eric Chandler ('00)
• Rashidi Barnes ('00)
• Madre Hill ('99)

Now you're just hoping to get something, anything. Well, Butch has done extremely well with his seventh-round picks. Say what you want about Andre King, Paul Zukauskas, and Joaquin Gonzalez; the fact that, as seventh-round picks, they're still regular contributors at all (and in one case, a starter) on the Browns is an impressive accomplishment. Meanwhile, the collective suckiness of the '99 and '00 guys is so great that it almost overcame me as I wrote this sentence.

Okay, so we all know how bad the first two new-Browns drafts were. But Butch has actually done okay for himself. While his first round picks do deserve some critism, he has succeeded in uncovering solid players in the late rounds. No one is saying he's a draft wizard or anything; I just don't feel it's the real reson we should be blasting Butch right now. We should be blasting him for his coaching strategy.

Before I comment on the Browns game this week, let me attempt to cheer up all of our readers:

1. The Cavaliers still have Lebron James--the best player in the NBA. Kids living outside of Northern Ohio buy his jersey! He has multiple national commercial campaigns! This is groundbreaking in Cleveland history.
2. The Indians have the best General Manager in professional sports. Eric Wedge kicks his share of ass too.

But (and that's an extremely large "but"), the Browns had not embarassed themselves so greatly since their 43-0 shellacking by these same Pittsburgh Steelers in 1999 on opening day. The new Browns have always had sub-par offensive lines, but I have never been so embarassed as a fan to watch those five losers attempt to block.

Case in point: on 2nd-and-10 at the beginning of the 2nd quarter, Garcia takes the snap, hands the ball to Suggs, and Suggs is immediately (no exaggeration) tackled by three Steelers for a loss of 6 yards. Plus, Enoch Demar is called for holding! How can the line let three defenders sprint past them without being delayed at all, and still be penalized?! That would mean that Enoch was actually touching someone on the defense. We can see why good offensive lines are the most important part of a winning team by simply looking at the Steelers.

For the past few seasons, I have adamantly held that Butch Davis is an undeserving coach. The Browns are always outfoxed. The plays always call for receivers to run short of the first down marker on 3rd down. The offensive line is woeful at best. Yet not only is he coach, he is the GM of the Browns as well. And while the team has generally been hurt by unlucky injuries (what team hasn't?), would you say that the Browns are one of the more talented teams in the NFL? And Davis' unending quest to seize all possible power in the Browns only hurts the team and its fans. I bring all of this up because, while Corey was never a great Davis supporter, he finally admitted after yesterday's game that Davis should be fired. Browns fans, look objectively at the state of your beloved team, are you actually happy with how they've played and where they're heading?

Play of the Week

Alex says: Once again, the Browns' best play of the game came at the opening gun. Who knew that Richard Alston would have two good returns in the season? And yes, I just mentioned him for a second time this season--shocking. Anyways, he wasn't quite as impressive later in the game with two exceedingly awful kick returns. Alston's 0-yard return to the 1-yard line is probably a Browns record for ineptness. Richard, if you can't catch up to the ball, let it go out of bounds, we'll get it at the 40!

Corey says: For the second straight week in a row, the opening kickoff return. Alex didn't think we would ever have cause to mention Richard Alston's name again. Well, ha. Just as was the case on Alston's TD return last week, it was wideout/emergency backup QB Frisman Jackson who led the way, ultimately hitting the key block. Unfortunately, this one didn't go for a touchdown, though. If it had, the game might have looked very different in the fourth quarter, because the Browns would have had the luxury of settling for a field goal on one of their late possessions. I'm not saying we would have won, but we would have been able to stay in the game longer.

Player of the Week

Alex says: Given the appalling performance by everyone on the Browns (save Ryan Pontbriand and Phil Dawson, neither of whom were able to contribute enough to merit an award) my choice is William Green. Green hit a Steelers defender harder in his 10 second fight with Joey Porter than the entire Browns offensive line did during the game. Also, by being ejected, Green saved himself the embarassment of playing with the rest of the Browns yesterday.

Corey says: Ugh. I can't quite bring myself to pick Alston, who countered his good return with one bad one and one absolutely horrible one. I couldn't dream of picking anyone on the offense, since everyone played poorly. The defense played poorly as well, but I feel comfortable giving this category to Daylon McCutcheon, who did a halfway decent job of covering Hines Ward (and also grabbed a great interception). The defense's two main problems yesterday were the defensive line letting Jerome Bettis slip right past them play after play, and Anthony Henry taking too many Nyquil before the game. Seriously, what the hell was Henry doing out there? Plaxico Burress was wide open on every single third down. And so long as I'm complaining about the game, why the hell didn't Aaron Shea and Steve Heiden each have about 10 catches for 65 yards? When you're facing a team that you know is blitzing on every down, it's supposed to be very easy to beat them with quick, immediate slant passes and out passes to tight ends, backs, and slot receivers. I mean, Jeff Garcia spends the last 3 weeks throwing to nobody but Shea and Heiden. What did he do, forget their jersey numbers? Jeff: they wear 82½.

Postgame Quote of the Week

Alex says:

We are a little disappointed and a little frustrated. I don’t think in the last two games either team has outplayed us. I just feel that there are a few things we need to work on to get better.

--Antonio Bryant. After his "cookies" comment last week, this one doesn't seem quite so odd. But still, to say that the Steelers didn't outplay the Browns is like saying that Takeru Kobayashi didn't out-eat the rest of the field. I know that athletes tend to try to put a positive spin, or downplay their mistakes, but this is right out. By every measure known, except for penalties and FG% probably, the Steelers rocked the Browns.

Corey says:

I talked to [the team] about our football team. What I've always tried to do is be very honest with our players and talk about what's reality and what isn't. That's one of the things that we've got to try and fix as a football team and how we are going to define ourselves.

--Butch Davis. So... one of the things the Browns need to fix is being able to tell what's reality and what isn't? I guess that's a good start. One thing's for sure, in Butch's reality, nothing is ever his fault. Listen to any of his postgame press conferences of the last four years, no loss is ever his fault; he's all about excuses. I now agree with the rest of the world: Butch has got to go.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: I can't recognize Alston again given his two terrible returns later in the game. I want to use this space to highlight the best player on the Browns all season: Phil Dawson. He has yet to let any of us down this season. While his onside kick attempt was not successful, he still is perfect on the season on FG's. And this season his kickoffs are flying a career long for him. To the Pro Bowl!

Corey says: Of course, it has to be Alston's opening kickoff return. For two weeks, the Browns speical teams have made this a very easy choice. In addition to the one big play, though, it was nice to see Derrick Frost punting well again, and, of course, Phil Dawson is still alive...

Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: Uh... given that OBOTW fallback Leigh Bodden didn't play, I'll say Chris Crocker. His play didn't make me yell out in anger. In fact, he had a sack. Speaking of sacks, who else is shocked, shocked that Gerard Warren didn't lay a finger on Ben Roethlisberger during the game? Me too.

Corey says: I choose #53, linebacker Mason Unck. He's deserved this for a while now because (a) his name is Unck, and (b) he's extremely obscure. He made absolutely no impact on the game yesterday, which is far better than many Browns players can say. So congratulations to Mason Unck on his first OBOTW.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: No color complement better than orange and brown, no? Anyways, I'll go with the #19 "JACKSON". In a game where nothing went right, why not reminisce over past glory? Corey's got the right idea.

Corey says: Umm... do you mean "KOSAR"? 'Cause Jackson's glory as a #19 is current, not past. Anyway, I like the orange pants better with the white jerseys than with the brown, but still, the brown-on-orange combo looks good. Anyway, this week, in the spirit of the orange pants, I'm going with another throwback. How about a #17 "SIPE", in honor of the man who is most identified with the orange-panted era of Browns history?

Cheater of the Week

Alex says: I think Corey will cover the obvious choice, so I'll go with Jerome Bettis. His play isn't what necessarily made me choose him, it's the way his play is perceived by the CBS announcers. I think Dan Dierdorf's quip that "if you hit The Bus up high, you're a passenger, not a tackler" sealed it for me. Given the everlasting praise, you'd expect Bettis's numbers to be amazing, but instead they're pretty pedestrian: 29 carries for 103 yards and a long of 7 yards. That's only 3.6 yards/carry. Given enough touches, any RB will get 100 yards. I also don't mention his 2 TD's because both were goalline carriers and therefore not especially skillful of him to earn.

Corey says: I guess I'll name Joey Porter, for allegedly spitting on William Green to initiate that fight. In the end, though, I think the ejection of the two men was good for the Browns: whereas we have Lee Suggs to play Green's part, who do the Steelers have to play Porter's? It's like in chess, if you sacrifice one of your two knights to capture your opponent's queen. So, with no hard feelings, and an understanding that his alleged actions received a fitting punishment, I name Joey Porter as my Cheater of the Week.

Next week: We tell you all about how the entire Jets defense gets locked in their hotel room, as the Browns cruise to a 3-0 victory!

From Antonio Bryant's conference call with the Pittsburgh media, earlier this week:

Pittsburgh reporter: Are there any soft spots [in the Steelers' defense] that you have found so far?
Antonio Bryant: One thing I feel about talent is, God gives you a lot but he doesn't give anybody everything.
Reporter: So there is something that you can exploit on Sunday?
Bryant: Yes, most definitely. That’s everybody in life.
Reporter: I guess you're not going to tell us what it is?
Bryant: I'll never give you that. I'll never give you the secret ingredients to the cookies that is making me a millionaire.

Wow. "I'll never give you the secret ingredients to the cookies that is making me a millionaire." Antonio Bryant is awesome. We need to give him a nickname.

I'm interested in everyone's opinion about the most popular Cleveland athletes right now. The #1 choice is obvious, but after that, I think it's wide open. I mean, personally, I have very strong feelings about almost every Cleveland athlete, so it would be pretty easy to rank them on a more personal scale, but in terms of the general consensus, there's lots of room for debate.

Recent history doesn't count, either. As recently as four months ago, you could make a case for Carlos Boozer as the #2 or #3 guy, but obviously that's not the case right now. Ditto Jim Thome.

Here's my Top 10, as I see them in the mind of the public:

1. LeBron
2. Omar
3. C.C.
4. Jeff Garcia
5. Victor Martinez
6. Kellen Winslow
7. Travis Hafner
8. Lee Suggs
9. Dennis Northcutt
10. Z

Again, I think spots #2-10 are extremely wide open, and I had a really hard time ranking the last 9. Some others who are probably near the top 10 are Casey Blake, William Green, Phil Dawson, Coco Crisp, and Jeff McInnis, but I'd certainly have a hard time putting any of those guys in the top 10.

And just for anyone who's interested, here's my personal top 10 favorite:

1. LeBron
2. Travis Hafner
3. C.C.
4. Andre Davis (who, let's face it, is tied with...)
5. Andra Davis
6. Victor Martinez
7. Phil Dawson
8. Ryan Pontbriand
9. Grady Sizemore
10. Jeff Garcia

I just jotted that down off the top of my head, so don't hold me to it, especially on those last few picks. Note, however, the dearth of Cavaliers (on both lists). The obvious differences between my list and my version of the general public's list is that I'm slightly more excited about the future than the past (but, can you blame me?).

Anyway, please tell me what you all think.

Football Outsiders, who I consider to be the foremost experts in NFL analysis, ran an article today summarizing Ray Lewis's performance against the Browns this past Sunday night. I strongly, strongly suggest you read it. Perhaps even right now.

To also highlight national media attention to our hometown teams, regularly idiotic ESPN.com Page 2 writer Eric Neel compares paths Lebron James could take in his career. This kind of speculation is generally ridiculoudly irrelevant and dumb. This is a "I give up" article, for Neel has no creative ideas and the conclusion he draws relies on absolutely nothing he says earlier in the article: here are a bunch of paths; but Lebron will be unique; the end. Don't read it unless you have time to kill, and like to deify athletes.

Speaking of the NBA, the Cavaliers finally won against the NBDL Atlanta Hawks Tuesday night. Suprising everyone, Tractor Traylor actually dunked in the game! Who would have thought that a 6'8" "284 lb." (according to team bio.) man could jump the approximately one foot off the ground to dunk? Not me. It looks as if Coach Silas has gotten the Cavs' rotation pretty much figured out as only 9 players got in the game (Varejao, Luuuuuuuuke, and Pavlovic were DNP-CD's). Let's hope that these winning ways continue tonight against the Suns at 8:00 on ESPN. You better watch!

Quiet Storm went first, but I didn't shed a tear,
He finds his way to the IR every year.
Ben Taylor went next, but still it was not yet
Time for the good people of Cleveland to get upset.
When Sergeant Winslow joined them that unfortunate day,
I really thought the Browns could still turn out OK.
Before long, a few O-linemen were unable to play,
And we lost our wideouts King and Davis, both Andre.
Now two more brave heroes have joined the IR,
Kelvin Garmon, I can deal with; we've a healthy DeMar.
The one that really left me sad was Leigh Bodden, you know,
My favorite obscure Brown, who made our special teams go.

Since Butch Davis came to town, it seems, an extremely common formula for Browns games is "the Browns are outplayed and deserve to lose, yet somehow have the chance to either win it or tie it if they can just get a touchdown on their last possession, which they come close to doing but, in the end, don't". I don't have the time right now to research just how many games have gone this way in recent years, but it's certainly an alarming number. This year, for example, both the Dallas game and last night's game against the Ravens fit this mold exactly, while the Philadelphia game of two weeks ago was simply a slight variation on the theme.

The most difficult thing to swallow about last night's game is that it was Derrick Frost's unwatchable shank punt that hurt the Browns' chances more than anything else, especially after it looked like the Browns might be able to simply stall their way to a victory on the strength of one single, spectacular special teams play from the first 14 seconds of the game. It's time for us to admit that, much as we love to talk up young Frosty, he has plenty of room for improvement. I'll even go a step further and place some of the blame for that play on Ryan Pontbriand, whose snap was off-target. Alex's head will explode when he sees that I wrote that, but it's true. [Alex says: It did. Ow.] In the end, though, the Browns' special teams are still among the league's best. In spite of one costly play, the kickoff and punt coverage units were once again effective at containing returns (something they've done better than anyone in the NFL), Phil Dawson hit two more field goals, one of them from 50 yards out, to keep his amazing streak alive, and the kick return team finally, finally came through with an awesome return for a TD after weeks of pathetic attempts.

Meanwhile, the Baltimorons may have won the game, but I think you'll agree with me when I say that the Ravens, as a team, took a collective step backward yesterday, not forward. I'm referring, of course, to the ludicrous outfits they wore. Thus, it is with a sparkle in my eye that I'm proud to present a very special list:

Top Ten Most Ridiculous-Looking Things, Ever

10. The Popemobile. I guess there's not really a better way to address the problem of wanting to protect the Pope from assassination attempts and also wanting him to be visible to the public, but the Popemobile is pretty ridiculous-looking, you have to admit.
9. Dennis Rodman. An obvious choice, sure, but the man has made an entire life for himself by looking ridiculous.
8. South Florida. If you've never been there, you probably don't appreciate just how ridiculous it looks. Every building is pink and green.
7. Viking hats. If you don't think Viking hats look ridiculous, then I suggest you start wearing one in your daily life. Maybe you can bring them back.
6. Lap dogs. Certain varieties of small dog always make me wonder how they ever came to exist. What evolutionary necessity ever forced dogs to become small, weak and annoying, with little yellow ribbons in their hair?
5. Ray Lewis' "kicking and flailing" dance. You actually have to have seen him do it enough times to know that he's celebrating. Prior to that, you just wonder if he's having a seizure, or preparing to kill some folks, or what?
4. Chairman Kaga from Iron Chef. His greatness, of course, stems from his ridiculousness.
3. The duck-billed platypus. This is an animal you always hear about but never actually see. Not in person, anyway. Where do duck-billed platypi live, exactly?
2. Caber tossing. This is the Scottish sport you've undoubtedly seen on TV where men throw telephone poles as far as they can. Highly ridiculous-looking.
1. The Ravens' all-black uniforms. You wouldn't think that all-black would look terribly ridiculous, not when other teams have already tried out all-red, all-blue, all-green, and yes, all-black uniforms of their own. But the Baltimorons' all-blacks have several crucial flaws. First, black is the color of their helmets. At least when most teams try out monochrome alternates, they're not giving us a triple dose. Second, the pants have no stripes! No NFL team wears pants without vertical stripes; it's what differentiates football pants from tights. The Baltimorons looked like they were wearing tights yesterday. They could also have prevented the tights look by wearing socks of a different color, which, again, every NFL team does. But the Ravens, on top of having no stripes on their black pants, wore black socks, which made their legs appear to taper at the bottom, kind of like chicken legs, or Shawn Kemp legs. The Ravens were in for trouble when they chose purple and black as their colors in the first place -- if you're going to use black as a color, you need to pair it with a bright color, not another dark color; just think of any other franchise in professional sports that uses black.

So there you have it. The Ravens' idiotic costumes yesterday rank as the most ridiculous-looking thing, ever. Thanks to Aaron and Scott for helping with the list. Anyway, on to the regular items!

Play of the Week

Alex says: Kudos to the Browns for making this selection especially easy this week: with only one touchdown, one turnover which led to 3 plays and 1 yard and 3 points. Obviously, I have to go with Richard Alston and the entire kickoff team for not just the opening play return for a touchdown, but also for sustained not-sucking unlike certain other kick returners (I'm looking at you, Dee Brown).

Corey says: Well, duh. When are we going to see the Browns execute two amazing plays in one game, so that Alex and I can disagree on this category, for once? Anyway, the credit for Alston's return should go to the blockers first, Alston second. No Raven really laid a hand on him. It was wideout/emergency backup QB Frisman Jackson who made the final block to spring Alston for the touchdown, but certainly, every member of the kick return unit deserves praise, because everyone picked up their blocks perfectly.

Player of the Week

Alex says: Uh... pass? With no overwhelming contribution by a single player, I'll choose new Brown Stearon Sheiden #82½. The team's depth at TE has been the best surprise of the season. Personally I never wholeheartedly expected The Greatest Tight End Ever To Step Out Upon A Football Field™ to be impactful this season, so the surprise is doubly nice.

Corey says: I choose Jeff Garcia, once again. That interception certainly wasn't his fault. And I'll presume it wasn't his fault that Terry Robiskie, for some reason, chose to run the ball so much, which was really the offense's problem yesterday, since almost every run was stuffed immediately. Garcia impressed me once again yesterday with his ability to evade tacklers and still make throws. His pass to Frisman Jackson in the fourth quarter for a first down was particularly excellent. Garcia also ran for two crucial first downs. Another thing that I like about him, which may seem fairly unspectacular except that, with Tim Couch, we weren't accustomed to seeing it, is that Garcia has no problem just throwing the ball away. Throwing the ball to the sidelines may be like striking out, but getting sacked is like hitting into a double play.

Postgame Quote of the Week

Alex says:

What happened? It didn't happen. That's what happened.

--Derrick Frost on his 4th-quarter shank. I hate to place all the emphasis of a game on one or two plays, because all the other plays have meaning too. If the Browns had scored a touchdown on one of their pathetic possesions in the first half, Frost's bad punt would've only led to a tying score for the Baltimorons, then the Browns would have played it safe--allowing Dawson to win us the game. But it's hard not to fault Frosty for such a bad play in a high pressure situation. But let calmer heads prevail: Derrick Frost is not Chris Gardocki, and we Browns fans have been spoiled with the greatest punting ever seen for these past miserable five years.

Corey says:

It's devastating when you lose, especially when you know it's taken away from you. Everybody saw it. Everybody knows it was pass interference the last play of the game. We didn't get the call and we lost. We just have to come back next week and regroup. Everybody's saying that Ray Lewis grabbed him. Everybody saw it. If you have eyes, you would've seen it. Everybody saw that it was [pass interference]. He pulled him to the ground. They're in their home stadium. We didn't get the call. Game over. I don't know. We had a shot at the end. But you saw it, everybody saw it.

--Andra Davis. Wow, that's pretty emphatic. I guess with Quincy Morgan gone, somebody has to step up and call for pass interference on every down. If you recall from our Week 1 "Born and Raised", Andra Davis has some kind of a problem with Ray Lewis, as of course he should. In Week 1, he trash talked Lewis at the coin toss, which earned him Player of the Week honors from yours truly.

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: Like picking a picther for the MVP award (which is perfectly acceptable, see Santana, Johan 2004) picking a special teams play for play of the week pretty much precludes the RPHSTMOTW. So congratulations again to Richard Alston and the kickoff team, I doubt we'll ever say your name again.

Corey says: If it's the Play of the Week, then it certainly qualifies as the Special Teams Moment of the Week as well. Once again, here's to Richard Alston's opening kickoff return. I was all ready to name a different play as my choice for this week when I saw Ryan Pontbriand about to bring down B.J. Sams for a huge loss on one of his punt returns, but alas, Sams was able to elude the tackle, just barely. He was creamed moments later by a different tackler, of course.

Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: I'll say Kelvin Garmon, who did not perform all that well in the game: allowing the Ravens through time and time again and also with two false start penalties. But after his injury (which rates a 7.7 on the Willis McGahee Disgusting Injury Replay Scale) I just want to say to Garmon: good luck rehabilitating. The Browns offensive line has been much improved for the past few weeeks, especially considering that we've dropped last year's policy of using 38 starters on the season. Hopefully, the injuries will stop here and not hound the Browns line like it has pretty much every season.

Unfortunately though, Mistake by the Lake favorites Leigh Bodden and Andre Davis both left the game with injuries, scaring us here. Hopefully they will recover very quickly, for a Browns receiving corps of Antonio Bryant, Dennis Northcutt, Frisman, and Andre King scares me. Some consistency would be nice, eh?

Corey says: Eric Lebron Westmoreland. Partly because he played well on special teams, especially on B.J. Sams' -4 yard punt return in the third quarter. But mainly because, as we've pointed out before, his name is Eric Lebron Westmoreland.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: The white #81 "BRYANT" surely is a nice change from the tired "MORGAN", no doubt. Also, I love the new Browns socks the Browns are using. Any reference to the Browns past is a good move in my book. Their history is long and full of greatness and I would like to bask in it as a Browns fan, but unfortunately the team, until recently, has pretended it didn't exist. Instead they invent horrible orange jerseys. If it turns out that in 50's the Browns wore pink tutu's and each player's helmet had "CLEVELAND SMELLS LIKE FISH" painted on the back, I'm pretty sure I'd still be in support of bringing it back.

Corey says: Well, we all know what isn't the Fashion of the Week. I think I'll go with the #4 "DAWSON". How long do you think Phil's FG streak needs to become for people to start buying his jersey en masse, the way they've all bought Vinatieri jerseys up in New England? I say he'd have to break the NFL record, at the very least. Making the Pro Bowl wouldn't hurt either.

Cheater of the Week

Alex says: Ray Lewis, for draping himself over Stearon Sheiden on the Browns final gasp at victory. But you can't always depend on a call from the refs at the end of the game, especially when everyone is so in love with Ray Lewis. I am so sick and tired of ESPN kissing Ray Lewis' overrated ass at every conceivable oppurtunity. Yes, the Ravens defense is very good--but perhaps it's not completely due to Lewis. I bet if you switch him and any average middle line backer (say, Wali Rainer), Rainer would likely goto the Pro Bowl too. Also, did Ray Lewis pound his chest and point at the crowd after committing murder too?

Corey says: Well, if Andra Davis is so convinced that Ray Lewis was cheating on the Browns' final play, then I'll buy it. Lewis has now been named my Cheater of the Week four times even though we've only played the Baltimorons twice. What a slimeball.

Next week: we count how many times the Browns' defense can make Ben Roethlisberger wet his pants as the Pittsburgh Steelers come to Cleveland, on another thrilling episode of "Born and Raised"!

Finally, someone had the courage to come forward and tell the true story of Covelli Crisp. Read this article from about two weeks ago. Don't ask me why it exists.

I wasn't aware that Earl Little was necessarily part of the problem. But I'm happy to see Chris Crocker get the start this evening, because, as you know, I'm nothing if not an advocate for playing time for anyone untested and/or obscure. And I wonder when a professional athlete will ever realize that whining is not the way to get what you want.

I was at the Cavs game last night in Milwaukee. It was a blowout loss on paper, but interestingly, if the Cavs had simply made all of their free throws, they would have won, 137-102. What a disgrace.

Oh, and pending Alex's approval, Drew Gooden is now "Gooden Plenty".

I don't know why I decided to look into this, but here you go...

In their history, the Indians have faced all 29 of the other current major league franchises. Only one of the 29, however, has never managed to win a game against the Indians. Which is it?

Have you seen LeBron's recent Nike commercials, the ones with the martial arts theme? Well, did anyone besides me and Alex happen to notice that the Kung Fu-looking man with the purple robes and the long, flowing white beard from those commercials was seated behind the Heat bench in Miami this evening? When I first saw him, I didn't realize he was from the commercial; I actually thought there was a person dressed like that because that's how they dress. What an unexpected sight at a basketball game. And, speaking of those commercials, I'd just like to add that I think they're awesome. So far, Nike has used LeBron in some great commercials in both of the years they've had him.

Also, I think the Miami Heat have the coolest scoreboard in professional sports. Instead of a traditional NBA box-shaped scoreboard, they have four giant flat screens that aren't attached to one another, with a big sculpture in the middle.

After two games, I feel I'm ready to begin deciding who I like and who I don't among the new members of the Cavs. These opinions are subject to change, of course, but right now I like Anderson Varejao, Eric "Lake Effect" Snow, and Luke Jackson (whose regular season debut we're still awaiting). On the other hand, I'm not crazy about Lucious Harris or Scott Williams. I'm completely indifferent to Sasha Pavlovic. Regarding Tractor Traylor, I still haven't made up my mind. No matter what kind of a season he has, I will always look at him with a distrusting eye. To me, he will always be some kind of weird experiment, like, if God was just lounging around one day and said mischieviously "Gee, I wonder what would happen if Warren Sapp played in the NBA...".

Then there's Drew Gooden. I recognize that he's the best player we added this offseason, and I want to like him, I really do. But he stirs up some strange feelings in me. It would help if he didn't sort of resemble Carlos Boozer; as it stands, he looks like a cartoon (or less mature) version of him. If he just grew his hair out, he would be less of a reminder of the painful loss from four months ago, and I would have an easier time seeing him as just himself. I like Drew Gooden, with his extremely awesome jersey number, but tonight, seeing him play only reminded me of just how much I used to like Carlos Boozer.

In baseball news, the Philadelphia Phillies hired Charles Fuqua Manuel as their new manager. Now, it's been two and a half years since I last had the pleasure of listening to a Charlie Manuel press conference, so I was eagerly looking forward to hearing the one from this afternoon. The whole thing can be heard on the Phillies' official site. I highly recommend listening to it, as it's classic Charlie. He really hits his stride about two thirds of the way through. I'd forgotten just how much I truly missed his inability to end a sentence, his tendency to say one thing and mean another, and his special talent for abandoning a statement right in the middle. For fun, I decided to transcribe a couple of quotes for you, word for word, with no embellishment whatsoever.

On Jim Thome's role in the clubhouse:

I think... I, I think that Jimmy... I think Jimmy, uh... he's been here two years now, and I think that he also has to, like, you gotta get to know him, and I think the more... the longer he's here and the fact that, you know, like, uh... once he feels like he's settled in and everything, I think that he will become more of a voice in our clubhouse... uh, do I?... uh, Jimmy is gonna be a... he's gonna be a leader, but he leads by example, by the way that, uh, the better he hits, the better leader he becomes, I, and, uh, and I think the more he hits, uh, of course you gonna write more about him, so, I think that Jimmy's, uh, he'll lead by example, really.

On his relationship with Thome:

He's been with me a long time, you know, like, uh... uh... his career started in, uh, in the minor leagues in Cleveland, and I, and I've had him all the way through his career, and, but at the same time, I also look at Jimmy, Jimmy's one of twenty-four, uh... twenty-five guys on our... that's gonna make our ballclub, and, uh... believe me, I, I pull for Jimmy every day, I pull for him just like he's my son, but now I got twenty-five sons.

I only chose these because they're about a former Indian, so they're at least a little bit on topic, but trust me, there's more precious Manuel gold elsewhere in the press conference.

After zero hard-fought days of sweat and determination, the Cavs' historic 82-0 dream season has finally ended. It took Indiana two overtimes and a cheap last minute 3-pointer to dispose of the Cavs, but they did it. The Cavs really should have won this one, too; if they'd just made their free throws at the end of the first OT, they would have won it. They even should have won it in regulation; because LeBron's last-second three was so supremely amazing, it's easy to forget that the Cavs had the lead just minutes before, and were looking to finish it out.

I had the pleasure of hearing Joe Tait's call over the internet. He was truly on his game tonight, though he did neglect to comment on the press-room buffet spread. I expect him to correct this oversight by tomorrow, especially since it's an away game and Joe never fails to critique the catering skills of the various Cavs opponents.

For those of you who saw the game on TV, I am very curious to hear what you think of Mark Price. I was never big on Guokas (unlike my brother), so I look forward to hearing Price's commentary; unfortunately, I may not get to see many games on local TV this season.

Also, to follow up on a discussion from the preseason regarding the name of LeBron's newborn son, I found this old Associated Press article:

Point guard Jeff McInnis, acquired during the middle of last season from Portland, said the Cavaliers couldn't wait until James rejoined the team so they could kid him.

"I can't wait to mess with him about being a father," McInnis said. "That's funny though - he's a kid himself."

He said James had joked before the birth that the child might be named DeSagana, after backup center DeSagana Diop.

The players said they did not know the name of the new arrival.

While DeSagana James was not specifically one of my suggestions, I'll let it go. That LeBron is such a funny guy.

Finally, I'm sure most of you have seen enough NBA previews on the internet and in magazines to know that the Cavs are pretty much the consensus choice as the fourth-best team in the East. Today, however, in Bill Simmons' East preview at espn.com, he actually went so far as to name the Cavaliers the third best team in the conference, ahead of Miami. Usually I find Bill Simmons to be arrogant and wrong, especially when it comes to baseball, about which he has no valuable insight whatsoever, but when it comes to basketball, he seems to know what he's talking about -- well, as much as anyone else with a regular column, anyway. The thought that Detroit, Indiana and Cleveland could be the top three teams in the conference is pretty interesting, since they all come from the same division. It would be pretty unprecedented, and it would make the Cavs the #5 seed in the playoffs despite having the third-best record (because the winners of the three divisions automatically get the top 3 playoff seeds).

Not that I'd complain if it came to pass.

So what the Browns had a bye this week? Or that the Steelers broke the longest winning streak in NFL history by defeating likely the best team in the NFL? At least the Ravens lost. And T.O. (who has B.O.) made fun of Ray Lewis (who is overrated). Since this was a bye week, there isn't much to talk about in the introduction, I'll just note that this edition of Born & Raised will be of "the first seven weeks" instead of just the preceding game. Think of it as a mid-season awards show.

Corey and I both--along with countless Browns fans--went through some Browns withdrawal this weekend. To help alleviate some of this pain, we predicted what the next two Browns games will be like.

Browns Game Prediction of the Week

Alex says: The Browns are set to face the Baltimore Ravens next week on Sunday Night Football on ESPN. On the opening kickoff Phil Dawson makes the ball hang so high in the air that the Browns coverage team is able to get downfield and knock kick returner B.J. Sams (not to be confused with P.K. Sam) actually out of the stadium and onto W. 3rd St. Orpheus Roye catches the ball in between his legs. 7-0 Browns.

On the following kickoff Dawson kicks the ball so hard that once replacement returner Deion Sanders (for Sams has yet to recover from being run over by Browns fans driving down W. 3rd) catches the ball he is propelled 18 feet underground in the endzone, leaving a hilarious human-shaped hole in the ground. Kyle Boller takes over for the Baltimorons at the 20, and on the first snap is lifted up into the air by Kenard Lang and drop-kicked through the uprights, along with the ball. 10-0 Browns.

Dawson, now kicking with his left foot for sheer amusement, only manages to have a regular touchback. Boller refuses to enter the game again, so Ozzie Newsome immediately signs John Elway out of retirement to play QB. As Elway attempts to enter the field, Lebron James and C.C. Sabathia jump out of their seats in the Dawg Pound and demand to play defense for the Browns to defend the honor of Cleveland. On Elways first play, C.C. (wearing his helmet off to the side so that he can barely see) easily pick off his Hail Mary heave into the end zone, and then, after a contorting windup pitches the football at 100 MPH back downfield towards the other endzone. At the very last moment, Lebron James leaps 12 feet into the air, snatches the ball and dunks it over uprights for another touchdown. 17-0 Browns.

The Ravens seeing the game is over with only :54 elapsed on the clock all head back to their hotel early, nursing broken egos. Ray Lewis then invites Carlos Boozer, whom is attending as a special guest of the Ravens, to be his tag-team partner in a wrestling match against Lebron and Ryan Pontbriand. Boozer accepts. 10 minutes later, both Lewis and Boozer are in critical but stable condition at the Cleveland Clinic as Lebron and Pontbriand are thrown a ticker-tape parade in Public Square.

Corey says: And, now the prediction for the following week, vs. Pittsburgh. This was written without any knowledge of how Alex would predict the Baltimore game, so any similarities are coincidental. On Phil Dawson's opening kickoff, Steelers returner Antwaan Randle El finds himself trapped on the 1-yard line by the Browns excellent kickoff coverage. Scared, he drops the ball, which is promptly scooped up by lovable "Obscure Brown of the Week" regular Leigh Bodden, who walks the extra yard for a touchdown. 7-0, Browns.

On Dawson's ensuing kickoff, Randle El signals for the fair catch before the ball is even kicked. When Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger takes over on his own 20-yard line, he is promptly sacked three times on three consecutive downs (all by Andra Davis, incidentally), for a total loss of 20 yards, resulting in a safety. 9-0, Browns.

The ensuing free kick sails out of bounds, letting the Cleveland offense take the field for the first time. Jeff Garcia takes the snap on first down and drops back 30 yards, eventually heaving a 90-yard pass into the endzone to a wide-open Chad Mustard, who catches the pass even though several other wide-open teammates are standing there as well. 16-0, Browns.

On the ensuing kickoff, Phil Dawson uses an old Jedi mind trick to make the ball appear to float into the endzone, when in fact it's an onside kick! Dawson scoops up his own onside kick and speeds the rest of the way for the touchdown. 23-0, Browns, with only 1:52 elapsed on the game clock.

Bored with Jedi mind tricks, Dawson boots the ensuing kickoff 150 yards into the last row of the Dawg Pound, resulting in a touchback. On first down, Roethlisberger is again sacked by Andra Davis. Roethlisberger, stripped of his desire to play football by the hard hits he has received so far, announces his retirement from football and renounces his U.S. citizenship. He moves to Fiji and is never heard from again. Meanwhile, on second down, Steelers coach Bill Cowher decides to just punt the ball away. Chris Gardocki's ensuing punt attempt is blocked and recovered by Derrick Frost, who had decided to play on the Browns' punt return team because he was bored. Gardocki, like Roethlisberger a moment before, announces he will retire from the NFL unless he can please, please return to the Browns and be co-punters with Frost. Taking over on the Pittsburgh 10-yard line, the Browns offense scores another quick touchdown, as William Green and Lee Suggs rumble together through the Steeler defense, each with one hand on the ball. 30-0, Browns.

Realizing just how bad they really are, the Steelers immediately forfeit the rest of the game, and in fact forfeit the remainder of their season. The Browns, with another win under their belts and, suddenly, plenty of time to kill, decide to all go hang out at LeBron's house, where they play ping pong and X-Box for hours on end.

Play of the First Seven Weeks

Alex says: I think Corey and I are both going to be uncreative and say, it's the NFL Record 99-yard reception and TD against Cincinnati by Andre Davis. Since the Browns haven't had any last-second wins yet, I think having your name in the record books is as impressive as it gets.

Corey says: While, in theory, nothing should top "Man Getting Hit in Groin by Football" from Week 5, Andre Davis' 99-yard touchdown catch in Week 6 is literally as good a play as you can have (on offense, anyway). It is almost sure to be one of the first pieces of footage shown in the NFL Films 2004 Browns highlight film.

Player of the First Seven Weeks

Alex says: It has to be Phil Dawson. The man has been perfect for the entire season. While his kickoffs often are disappointing, Dawson is currently the best place kicker in the NFL, what other player in the NFL can say the same for his position? He is well on his way to breaking Gary Anderson's record of 40 consecutively successful attempts. Only 18 to go Phil!

Corey says: I'm going with Jeff Garcia. He's had his struggles as well as his successes in the first seven weeks of the season, but it's clear (from his words and his actions) that he was still adjusting to the Browns offense for a while there. He's put up pretty good numbers passing (well, much better than we're used to seeing), and also rushed extremely well. His postgame quotes and outfits are equally hilarious, and he's even somehow managed to record 3 tackles. When did that happen?

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the First Seven Weeks

Alex says: I still have visions of Derrick Frost's brutal tackle of punt returner Mark Jones against the Giants. Suddenly, Frosty comes out of nowhere and levels Jones. I personally rank it the greatest tackle by a kicker/punter ever, hands down. The best part is that Frost was so pumped up after the tackle that he pounded his chest and yelled at his coverage team for not doing their job.

Corey says: How about Ryan Pontbriand's one tackle? It came in Week 1 against the Ravens, a game which we won. Coincidence? Definitely not. Notice I'm not going with a Phil Dawson moment here, even though he's clearly been the MVP of the special teams so far. His streak is many plays long, so it can't really pass as a single "moment".

Obscure Brown of the First Seven Weeks

Alex says: Melvin Fowler. Corey noted that right before Week 5, he watched a rerun of "The Surreal Life 2" in which Flava Flav brandished a Fowler #67 jersey. It turns out, that the Fowlers and the Flavs have been family friends for some time. Apparently, Flava Flav and Melvin's siblings were childhood friends, so Melvin gave him a jersey. Yeaaaaaaaah boy!

Corey says: I have to go with Leigh Bodden, whose 25 tackles ranks him eighth on the team, even though he's barely played on defense! Most of his tackles have come on special teams, and he's one of the biggest reasons the Browns are currently ranked #1 in punt coverage and #9 in overall special teams by Football Outsiders. They would be ranked much higher than #9 were it not for their 31st-ranked kickoff return team. Luckily, in addition to being #1 at punting, the Browns are also #1 at kicking field goals and extra points. No surprise there.

Fashion of the First Seven Weeks

Alex says: The home white 1964 Browns jerseys worn by the surviving players and their families prior to the Week 1 beat down of the Baltimorons. The Browns are such a storied franchise, definitely the most so of any team in Cleveland, yet never seem to capitalize on it. I wish the Browns would mention their history more, because even I don't know much about it. For starters they could at least retire the numbers of Browns who are even in the Hall of Fame!

Corey says: The #87 "ANDRE DAVIS". The Browns have finally begun selling this jersey at their team shops. Before, it was extremely expensive to obtain an Andre (or Andra) Davis jersey (customized, of course) because of the number of letters in the name. Throw in the fact that Andre is having another fine season, and this is an easy choice. Now if they'd only start selling "ANDRA DAVIS" jerseys as well...

Cheater of the First Seven Weeks

Alex says: Ray Lewis, who I will never forgive for punching William Green in Week 1. The worst of it is that every writer/commentator trips all over themselves praising Lewis without ever mentioning that perhaps the Ravens' defense is good because of other talented players in addition to Lewis, and that he is a dirty, dirty, dirty piece of crap. Hopefully next Sunday William will exact his revenge. And hopefully it will include tar-and-feathering.

Corey says: Ray Lewis, the stupidest guy ever. As much as I dislike Terrell Owens as well, I got a lot of pleasure out of seeing him mock Ray Lewis in his touchdown celebration yesterday in Philadelphia. Lewis' "kicking and flailing" dance is the dumbest dance ever, and it deserved to be mocked on such a public stage. Hopefully, next weekend, Ray Lewis will be severely humiliated by missing dozens of tackles when the Browns take on the Ravens on Sunday Night Football. It's about time for that so-called "Madden curse" to kick in, anyway.

I was a little disappointed with voter turnout on our October poll, "Who is the best play-by-play announcer in Cleveland", but still believe the results to be accurate. Since it is now November, this poll is now closed, and now you should voice your opinion on whom is the best color man in Cleveland. First, let's run down the results for October:

• 39% - Tom Hamilton (29 votes)
• 30% - Joe Tait (22 votes)
• 12% - Jim Donovan (9 votes)
• 11% - Harry Doyle (8 votes)
• 8% - Michael Reghi (6 votes)
• 0% - Mike Hegan
• 0% - John Sanders
• 0% - Matt Underwood

First of all, once again I am impressed by the intelligence of Clevelanders. Of course Tom Hamilton and Joe Tait are the best announcers in the city. Both are among the best in the country. Personally, I like Michael Reghi a lot, but I can see why some people don't enjoy his strange style. Also, if Matt Underwood/Mike Hegan/John Sanders had received a single vote I would have been very unhappy. No one in their right mind could ever see any of those three outshining Hammy.

For our new poll, I predict it will be a landslide victory for Doug Dieken. But personally, I loved Matt Goukas. He is perhaps the most intelligent and insightful commentators I have ever heard. It is really unfortunate that the Cavs cut him loose. I can only hope Mark Price doesn't pull a Jim Chones or Davey Nelson.

Make sure to vote early and often, in our poll especially.