Well, now. We beat the Yankees 22-0. No one had beaten the Yankees by 22 runs in history. In fact, only two teams had even beaten the Yankees by 18 runs, and they were both before 1929. The most runs the Yankees had ever given up in a shutout loss was previously 15, in 1950. Unbefuckinglievable. Rest of the universe: we'll take our commission in cash, thank you.

What I'm trying to say is this: the Yankees are the most successful franchise in Major League history. Therefore, they are the best franchise in Major League history. We beat their sorry asses like never before. Therefore, we're the best franchise in the history of the universe. Therefore, we shall rule over the Earth as benevolent kings, doling out favors and winning World Series titles at will. QED, or something.

With C.C. and Cliff going against Orlando Hernandez and Jon Lieber, respectively, you have to like our chances in the next two games, too. More importantly, is Jake Westbrook now really the best pitcher on the team? I think so - this year anyway.

Finally, I think this calls for a recap of the greatest Indians games of the new millenium:

1. The Comeback - August 5, 2001 vs. Seattle
2. C.C.'s 17-2 playoff win - October 13, 2001 vs. Seattle
3. Ass-whooping the Yankees - August 31, 2004 vs. New York
4. Bartolo's near no-hitter - September 18, 2000 vs. New York
5. Traber's near perfect game - July 8, 2003 vs. New York

Hmm. All against the Mariners or Yankees. Maybe it's a coincidence. Anybody disagree with my choices?

I haven't been in Cleveland very much this summer. It's nice to see the Indians when they come to Chicago, but really, there's nothing to compare with a day at the Jake. Happily, I was able to catch the last two games, which couldn't have been more different. Saturday night, the rain delayed the start until 9:50 -- that plus a fireworks display kept us at the ballpark until well after 1:00. Luckily they let us watch the Browns game on the largest video screen in North America while we waited for the game to start. Wet, but awesome. Meanwhile the Indians lost, 5-3.

This afternoon, however, the rain stayed away, letting the Indians and Sox play a game that started at 1:05 and ended at 3:00! A 1 hour, 55 minute game; the shortest in Jacobs Field history. Amazing. Even more amazing? Scott Freaking Elarton. He's sinking my HACKING MASS team (at one time ranked 3rd out of 1,312... now ranked about 41st), but hey, I'll take a complete game 2-hit shutout any day. The Indians won, 9-0.

Meanwhile, I now feel that I've been to enough Indians games this year to offer my assessment of the many new concessions items that are available at the Jake. I would like to review several of the notable new items. Please feel free to post your own reviews of the items I missed in the comments section.

Bratwurst. Finally! I mean, what were they waiting for? We're a hard-working, Midwestern city; we deserve brats at the ballpark. Thankfully, these brats are rather tasty, and available all around the stadium. Unlike the boiled hot dogs you'll find throughout the Jake, they're grilled, which is absolutely a must. They come with packets of sauerkraut, which is a nice idea even though the sauerkraut is not of the best quality. Throw a little Bertman's on there, though, and you're all set. One thing I would like to see in the future is the availability of bratwurst at the kosher hot dogs kiosks where you get the awesome, grilled hot dogs. Now if we could only correct the other heinous, atrocious omission on the Jacobs Field menu: Polish sausage. I mean, what are we, Seattle? No, we're Cleveland, and we demand hot dogs, brats, and Polish. Grade: A-

Ed. Note: I have been informed that the "European Market" in the Market Pavillion in center field (aka the picnic area) now serves not only hot dogs and bratwurst, but Polish sausage and Italian sausage as well. You can eat for the cycle at Jacobs Field! Who knew?

Chicken 'n' Waffles. Okay, if you're going to open up the floodgates and serve non-ballpark foods like sushi and whatever, you might as well offer things that (a) taste good, and (b) are unique. So while I can understand the argument against it, I'm glad that chicken 'n' waffles, a traditional item on soul food menus, are available at the Jake. For one, it's tasty. Oddly, instead of serving waffles and fried chicken together, they actually serve waffles with pieces of fried chicken inside, much the way you might find blueberries inside a blueberry waffle. It comes with a container of syrup and packets of hot sauce. I used the syrup but not the hot sauce. I'm not certain, but I think you're supposed to pick one or the other. I can't imagine combining the two condiments. The only problem I have with the item is that it must be eaten with a fork, which is kind of awkward at a sporting event. By the way, chicken 'n' waffles is only available in one location, as far as I know: a "Market Treats" stand on the first base side of the main concourse. Grade: B

Johnny Applestix. They're right behind home plate and they're very tasty. Here's the abridged story of Johnny Applestix: two college kids from California invented them, entered them in a competition, won first prize, and got their big break when Jacobs Field decided to pick them up. They're apples, sliced the way a potato is sliced to make french fries, battered, fried, dipped in cinnamon, and served with your choice of caramel or "lemon cheesecake" dipping sauce. With the caramel sauce, you know what you're getting, and it tastes really good with the applestix. The lemon cheesecake sauce, however, is not too great. I like Johnny Applestix; they make good ballpark food because they're fried and you can eat them with your fingers. Unfortunately, they're messy, especially where the caramel sauce is concerned. It would be one thing if they were a national fad like Dippin' Dots, which you can find all over the place, but since, so far, you can only find the Applestix in Cleveland, I already hold them dear. Grade: A

Subway. Expanding the selection of food at the ballpark is one thing. But allowing a major franchise like Subway to open up shop is crossing the line, in my opinion. In various other ballparks in the Midwest, you'll find a McDonald's, a Hardee's, an Outback steakhouse, and so on. I don't like this new trend in concessions; I consider ballpark food to be a feature of the ballpark itself - a unique part of the experience. You can't have a Wrigley Field hot dog anywhere but Wrigley Field, you know? I'm a little sad to see Jacobs Field buckle under corporate pressure by allowing a concessions stand of this nature. As for the food itself, well, you know what Subway tastes like. On the one hand, I'm glad it's Subway and not McDonald's or something like that. On the other hand, I imagine it's hard to eat a sub like that in a ballpark setting, what with the sprawling wrapper, the loose ingredients, and nothing but your lap to hold them. Either way, if you wanted to serve sub sandwiches, why couldn't you have just opened your own sub stand? Grade: D+

Some day, I'll post more reviews like this. Maybe I'll do reviews of old favorites, too. For now, I'd like to see what everyone else has to say. Comment if you like.

The Indians continue to lose. However, I'm not really upset--more apathetic. I am still very happy that they are a good team already, but I feel that the season would still be fantastic without reaching the playoffs. Moreover, the Indians are now boring. When they began their ascent, it was exciting, sort of like a real pennant race. But, I feel the division (ought to be, at least) is all but won. For that reason, let's move onto other Cleveland sporting news.

The United States of America Lebrons have been unsurprisingly average at the Olympics. Larry Brown came under fire for not playing God enough. What truly is appalling though, is that Lebron James continues to cohabit with traitor-scum Carl Boozer. What I hope happens is that Lebron is merely saving monumental and mind-blowing vengeance until March 15, 2005 when Booz returns to Gund Arena. Thence the thrashing ensues. Lebron mercilessly takes over the game, dunking on Carl's stupid bald head time and time again whilst the Cleveland fans erupt. In the final seconds, with the game in hand, Lebron flat-out rejects one of those pathetic Boozer-dunks (where he uses both hands and releases with a sort of bicycle motion with each) and Booz is left sprawled on the court. Ah, one can only dream.

On the football front, the Browns are bad. They have been bad, and will likely continue to be bad. Yes, they made one playoffs, but then again the probability of any team in the NFL making the playoffs this season is 37.5%. We know, however, that a team's likelihood of making the playoffs is skewed by talent of players, coaches, and management. But putting that aside for the sake of argument, and also mentioning the glorious parity of the NFL, the probability of a team not making the playoffs from 1999 to 2004 is .0899365. Alternatively, the chances the Browns would have made the playoffs any year from 1999 until now was 91%. That's assuming that the Browns and all other teams were equal, which is a crazy assumption. But with NFL parity, it's not as crazy as it would be with say, the NBA.

The problem is that they have no talent. Quick--name the Browns' pro bowlers since they have been recreated. Jamir Miller is the only one. Terrible personnel decisions should shoulder nearly all the blame for the Browns being so god-awful since 1999. While I haven't agreed with the coaches' playcalling philosophy, they conceivably could have worked with a better team. In retrospect, no true Cleveland fan can actually be happy with a recent Browns' draft. Chris Palmer and Butch Davis have both been nearly incompetent when it comes to personnel. And, infuriatingly, Davis has managed to wrest all power in what seems to be all of Greater Cleveland despite no real success in the NFL! (This just in: Butch Davis has staged a hostile takeover of MBNA and now owns the Browns as well. He plans on suiting up as starting quarterback by Week 6.)

Anyway, hopefully the Browns will be bad enough that the fans will demand that Davis leave town. I am willing to stomach a terrible season if it is for the betterment of the team and it's future. I want everyone to notice that just because a guy either played at Miami, was recruited by Butch to play at Miami, or for some reason is one of Butch's "guys", IT DOES NOT MEAN HE IS GOOD. In fact, it probably means he is bad. I can't stand watching our team being so inept.

I thought we all could use a little cheering up in light of the recent, unexpected abduction by aliens of the entire Indians roster and subsequent replacement of said roster with 25 mannequins in Indians uniforms. I'd like to post the lyrics to everyone's favorite Indians song, "Talkin' Tribe" -- yes, the cheesy promotional song that WUAB (I think) used to use before its TV broadcasts:

Who keeps you cheerin'
Year after year?
(Who? Who?)
Who's got the ballpark?
The best is all right here!

Who's got the fans
With so much Cleveland pride?
Who's talkin' baseball?
(Indians baseball!)
Talkin' Tribe!
We're talkin' baseball!
(Indians baseball!)
Talkin' Tribe!
Nobody plays harder than the Tribe!

We've got the players
These guys are really hot!
(Hot! Hot!)
We've got a future
We're headed to the top!

We're on the warpath
It's spreadin' far and wide
We're talkin' baseball!
(Indians baseball!)
Talkin' Tribe!
You're talkin' baseball!
(Indians baseball!)
Talkin' Tribe!

Keep your chin up, everybody. See you at the Jake this weekend (finally!).

Also: has anyone noticed yet the new masthead graphics Alex worked into our rotation this week? There are three new ones, which you may or may not see when you load the blog; one is picked at random every time you load the page.

A few nights ago I got home very late and I was extremely tired. I poured myself some milk and flipped on the TV for a few seconds, with the intention of finishing my milk and going right to bed. I was so tired that if you had asked me at that moment to name a single television program that could conceivably have kept me awake for longer than the time it took to drink the milk, I would have told you that no such program existed.

And yet, something on TV did keep me awake, for at least another hour. I knew it almost as soon as it appeared. Richfield Coliseum, late 80's... the home team in white: Price, Daugherty, Nance, Harper... the away team in (gulp) red... could it be? Yes, Chicago. The word "playoffs" being bandied about by the announcers. This was it; it had to be. Finally, the ESPN Classic caption confirmed it: Cavs vs. Bulls; May 7, 1989. The Shot.

I felt stranegly obligated to watch. And not only because of the significance to Cleveland sports. I wouldn't have stayed up for The Drive, The Fumble, or Game 7 of the '97 Series, I don't think, and all of those are equally heart-wrenching and equally significant. I'd seen them all before on ESPN Classic, including The Shot. There's just something very personal about The Shot. I was there.

I was six years old. It was (and still is) the defining moment of my sports life, and yet I have only four concrete memories of the experience. First, that we were seated in the upper deck, only a few rows back, slightly to the left of midcourt, on the side where Jordan made the final basket. Second, that the Cavs trailed by one with 6 seconds to go before Craig "What Did I Do to Deserve This?" Ehlo made his incredible layup. Third, that Chicago then had three seconds to go before Jordan made The Shot. And finally, I remember the words spoken to me by a friend of the family, Mr. Hexter, the guy who'd generously invited my dad and me to the game. Just after it ended, I was crying over the result, which prompted him to tell me, "Now you know how it feels to be from Cleveland."

I had no idea what he meant by that, though of course I get it now. It was because, as a six-year-old, I had no grasp of the notion that what I had just witnessed would ever have a place in history. I didn't even understand that people outside the arena had just witnessed it at home. I was deeply hurt by it; I simply didn't know the hurt was any different than, say, the time I cut my chin open and needed stitches when I was three. As far as I was concerned, it was a hurt that happened to me. I can't say I felt the same way about any of the other infamous Cleveland sports moments.

Awaiting another perfect snap from Ryan Pontbriand.


Notice the awesome jersey? (Thanks to Max Abbot for his kick-ass photography skills.)


CB, the "leader" of the Browns mascots, falling down trying to catch a football.

Some thoughts while at the game:

• The Browns played "Hi-Ohio for Cleveland" during a little trivia question while in a timeout; it was the very same recording we have here
• I plan on naming my first-born son "Dee Brown" in hopes that he will be a professional athlete.
• For the first time in Browns history, there were more "Spielman" than "Couch" jerseys worn
• I was actually saddened that I was not able to announce "Hybl-time!", which is always a favorite
• I miss the little painted-on signs on the wall separating the endzones from the stands signifying sections like "Jamir's Gang" and "Orpheus' Orphans"

What we've tried to do has never been done, as far as our speed in trying to get through this [rebuilding] process... So many players have had opportunities they otherwise wouldn't have gotten. You really have to rely on the mental toughness of these kids to be able to do this.

-- Eric Wedge, 9/4/03, Akron Beacon Journal

Even though we have a bunch of young kids, they're mentally tough.

-- Eric Wedge, 4/5/04, Akron Beacon Journal

They've showed some serious mental toughness with some of the tough losses we've had... Talk about a team that's been able to come back day to day, and that's allowed us to be where we are today--just in terms of working from that.

-- Eric Wedge, 5/5/04, MLB.com

I trust these guys... We have a long way to go. We didn't do a good job in Texas, but we have the off day to regroup. I trust in our mental toughness.

-- Eric Wedge, 8/19/04, Knight Ridder Newspapers

I love listening to Eric Wedge talk, especially post-game interviews. Although he doesn't ramble comically and butcher language as we know it like Charlie Manuel, he does have other quirks. I have a sneaking suspicion that Wedgie hates talking to the media. But he doesn't want to sound superior. Instead, he dumbs himself down to their level using meaningless baseball clichés like "mental toughness". He is usually clearly annoyed by dumb questions from crack reporters like, "What did you think of Jody's struggles this year?" While a lesser man might express his rage with fists or a verbal tirade, Wedge turns it on its head and uses the idiot reporters' own language to mock them.

While searching for these quotes, I found a gem from Matt Lawton coming from when he was struggling early in 2003. Lawton said, on playing in the cold:

Of course I want to play. At least I think I want to play. But as soon as I get out there in the cold... You have to be mentally tough to play in the conditions we've played in so far. I heard Milton Bradley say the other day he wants to be so successful, he blocks out the cold. I think it's more mental than anything. You just have to be mentally strong, and right now I'm not where I want to be as far as mental toughness

Maybe the reason Lawton is performing so well this year is his new brain.

So the Indians got clobbered tonight, and now sit 3.5 games back of

You know, there's nothing we do better here at "The Mistake" than change the subject. I was thinking the other day, as I often do, about mustard. Stadium mustard; it's our claim to fame. Cleveland's contribution to world cuisine. I'm very proud of our delightful stadium treat, which is why I've become increasingly distressed, over the last few years, as I've become more wordly and traveled to more out-of-town sporting venues, about the lack of stadium mustard in the stadia of America.

Chicago doesn't have it at its sporting events (though my local grocer does offer small plastic bottles of "The Authentic Stadium Mustard", made in Cleveland; yay). I suppose, though, that Chicago can be forgiven because it has its own celebrated local hot dog tradition: the Chicago-style dog, which specifically must be made with yellow mustard and no ketchup (along with plenty of other items).

But Milwaukee has no excuse. It is the stadium food capital of America, where sausages and beer are revered as gods. In general, I commend the condiment selection at both Miller Park and the Bradley Center (because of the nice variety), but not to carry stadium mustard is a slap in the face. My face.

Neither can you find stadium mustard, I have found, in most midwestern cities. A few venues offer brown mustard, but it's more like dijon than stadium. In fact, I'm not positively certain I can recall having stadium mustard at Gund Arena (can someone confirm this?). I am told that Yankee Stadium has stadium mustard, but I'm not sure I believe it.

All ranting aside, I am very excited that a player whose very existence is a celebration of our Cleveland heritage has a chance to make the team with the Browns this year. I'm referring, of course, to #83, tight end Chad Mustard. (Interesting fact: in 2002 Mustard played for the Omaha Beef of the National Indoor Football League.) So let's all root for Colonel Mustard to make the team. You like the nickname I picked out? Anyway, if he makes the squad I promise to buy a #83 Chad Mustard jersey. I'll be the best dressed man in Chicago.

Did you know that the Browns have a fight song? Well they do, entitled "Hi! O-HI-O for Cleveland". It's not half-bad. One of the things that I love about high school and especially college sports, but lacks in professional is creative cheers and marching bands. I get so tired of just endless "Defense! Defense!" chants. I prefer something with creativity and zeal, like "Rock Chalk Jayhawk". In high schools, bands generally suck; but big colleges have fantastic ones, especially The Ohio State.

If only the Browns would hire a local marching band to play "Hi-Ohio for Cleveland" after they score, and the fans could get over either chanting "Defense!" or "Here we go Brownies", the excitement and energy at the stadium would be amazing. Here are the lyrics to the Browns' fight song:

Hi! O-HI-O for Cleveland, for the greatest team in the land,
We raise our voices--in one great chorus, just to make them understand,
We're proud they come from Cleveland, where we play the best football,
Hi! O-HI-O for Cleveland, to the greatest pro team of all!

I have also procured two versions of the fight song from "The Cardinal's" NFL Fight Songs:

• RealMedia, 212KB
• MIDI, 0.5KB

This summer the Browns changed in a way we haven't seen since coming back in 1999. The signature player of the team, and some would say best on the team is no longer practicing in Berea. He so inspired me that he was the first Browns' jersey I have ever owned and I will cherish it for life. Some, though, may say he was expendable and too expensive; but to those people along with Butch Davis and John Collins I say "shame on you". You don't understand what was the glue of the team. For on March 6, my heart was crushed. Chris Gardocki signed with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Not only did the Browns lose the best punter in the league, they lost the best punter of all-time to an in-division rival. We all know that the Browns have had laughably bad offensive lines every year since returning from non-existence; but in that time Chris Gardocki never had a punt blocked. His rock-solid fundamentals and quick release allowed the Browns to have the advantage in field position whenever possible. My family has some strange need to arrive at Browns' games extra early, about two hours before kickoff. During the intervening time, I have watched Gardocki many times practicing his perfectly spiraling kicks bounce on the one-yard line and then out of bounds for immaculate placement, over and over and over again.

Gardocki solidified his position as the essential "Brown" on September 17, 2000 versus the very same Steelers. After a cheap hit by Joey Porter, Chris manipulated his fingers in a way inviting the Steelers to have sexual intercourse with themselves, thus gesticulating what Clevelanders had merely thought for 50 years. Although, Gardocki signed with the hated Steelers, perhaps he wants to prove to Cleveland that we undervalued his awesome services by pinning the Browns repeatedly this year inside their own 5-yard line.

No matter, I still idolize Gardocki and can only hope one day he receives the recognition he deserves. We miss you #17. Hopefully Eddie Galles will be cut soon. I am heart broken that he is now a Steeler, which sucks to no end, but I will always remember his golden years in Cleveland.

As a public service to those of you who are fortunate to have tickets to this afternoon's game, I would simply like to point out that brooms can be purchased at most pharmacy/general stores, as well as Target, Wal-Mart or K-Mart. You might consider the CVS at Euclid and E. 8th if you are near the Jake.

In diaper trembling news, I suspect we'll have juicier, more plentiful material to cull from the Twins blogosphere once the series is over. Even if the Indians don't win today, the series will have been a great victory for Cleveland, and I look forward to reading the laments of the frightened Twins fans on Monday morning.

Bat-girl, incidentally, has been updated with a recap of last night's whooping--I mean game. Batgirl compares the Twins-Indians feud to the one between Athens and Sparta in ancient times. Read it if you wish; that Batgirl is clever, but I'll tell you this: she does not spare Cleveland/Sparta many harsh words. She even takes a cheap shot at the end, bringing up our tragic loss to the Visigoths in the '97 Series.

In other news, I watched a few minutes of the Cavs-Sixers game from December of 1986 on ESPN Classic. I was struck by just how good Ron Harper looked during those few minutes; he was dominating. Mark Price, too, was on fire. Price was probably my favorite athlete between the ages of 6 and 11. I had a Mark Price poster over my bed. I miss the old uniforms; I think blue and orange worked very well for the Cavs, especially before they added black and made everything all zig-zag-like. Also, I noticed that the same guy who does the PA announcements at both Gund Arena and Browns Stadium today was doing them at Richfield as long ago as 1986. I'd know his sweet, nasal voice anywhere. I know what the guy looks like, too--you can see him at the scorer's table at Cavs games--and he doesn't look old enough to have been doing this for 18 years. He must have aged well.

Incidentally, does anyone else out there spend the whole time they're watching ESPN Classic trying to figure out why the particular game they're watching is being featured? My thought process usually goes from "Okay, this could be an important somebody's pro debut - what's the date?" to (when that turns out to be false) "Hmm, maybe somebody has a monster game" to (just before the telecast is about to end) "Well the losing team must stage a miracle comeback at the final buzzer". Of course that never ends up happening either. I'm always disappointed at the end. I mean, who picks the games they show, anyway?

Dear Minnesota,
We stepped out for a little bit to get some more beer, but we're back. What did we miss?
Your buddy,
Cleveland

For some reason there are about 1500 Twins, Yankees and Mariners blogs out there, compared to the 5 or 6 Indians blogs you might find (Indians blogs that feature regular updates, that is). Anyway, I thought I'd take a brief swim through enemy waters and bring you a few choice quotes from the Minnesota Twins blogosphere, just so you'll know how just much genuine fear has been thrust into the hearts of Twins Nation by the mighty Cleveland Indians.

The best Twins blog, in my opinion, is Bat-Girl, on which there's a truly brilliant new post comparing the Indians surprise run for the division to the Greeks' surprise attack that ended the Trojan War. You should all read it in its entirety, here. I don't want to steal Batgirl's thunder by quoting too much. A sample:

We didn't see Cleveland coming—they were out of the division race in, like, the Bronze Age, and when they rolled in that nice wooden horsie with the big red bow on it we said, 'Hey, thanks guys, that's really sweet! Thanks!' and opened up our gates for them then tucked ourselves snugly into our beds with dreams of postseason match-ups dancing in our heads.

By the way, Batgirl, is "Carlos the Jackal" a reference to The Bourne Identity trilogy (the books, not the movies)?

Another good Twins blog is Aaron Gleeman's Aaron's Baseball Blog, where this recent post includes a preview of the weekend clash. Aaron writes,

This is an incredibly important series for these two teams, particularly considering it's only the middle of August. The Twins are struggling, the Indians are red hot, and they've closed the gap to three games extremely quickly and extremely quietly.

If the Indians were to sweep this series and tie the Twins for the division lead, the rest of the division race might resemble those situations in Nascar races where one car 'drafts' behind the leader for a while and then just busts out in front of them, never to be caught.

Then there's Twins Chatter, where the 2004 Indians were compared to the 2001 Twins in this recent post:

However, this Indians team has much more talent than the Twins of three years ago. First of all, they hit the snot out of the ball. Victor Martinez (18 HRs, 84 RBIs, .885 OPS) and North Dakota native Travis Hafner (22 HRs, 88 RBIs, 1.007 OPS) are having breakout seasons. They are two of the best young hitters in the game right now and pose a formidable threat in the middle of the Cleveland lineup.

The most thorough coverage the Indians have gotten on a Twins blog would have to be a few days ago on Seth Speaks, where Seth profiled the Mark Shapiro era, one move at a time, in this post:

I think it's time to give the Cleveland Indians organization, their players and GM Mark Shapiro a little bit of credit. Remember early in the 2002 season, Shapiro, who had just taken over the job, started making a lot of trades and being honest with the fan base of the Indians saying that they would not compete for a division title until 2005?

That's enough for now. Of course, we'll have to wait and see what the world has to say after these next two games.

Loyal reader David commented on a recent post:

They are good up the middle with Vizquel and Belliard (who should be considered for a Gold Glove, IMO). Victor isn't great behind the plate but he isn't clueless. They aren't the Twins in the outfield, but, again, they aren't terrible. Casey is fairly strong in the hot corner and whoever plays first base night to night does fine. Look at a guy like Westbrook, who is a groundball pitcher. If he didn't have a solid defense behind him, he would not be having the kind of season he is (for an example of this, see Derek Lowe).

David, I am sorry to inform you that you have been misled. The Cleveland press, led by Paul Hoynes, Roger Brown, and especially the Indians' announcers would have you believe that the Indians middle infield defense is good. Sadly, they are not. Ronnie Belliard does not deserve any award for his defense by a long shot. He is 11th in the majors in Range Factor ([putouts + assists]/innings) and 13th in the MLB in Zone Rating (The percentage of balls fielded by a player in his typical defensive "zone," as measured by STATS, Inc.). All these statistics are ranked only among "qualified" players, so a guy who plays one inning at a position won't screw up the rankings--essentially only starting players.

While I appreciate Belliard's unorthodox positioning, his propensity for so-called "spectacular" plays may be a result of Sammy Sosa Syndrome--namely, being so unskilled that even the most simple of plays for a normal players looks like a Herculean effort. While his hitting has been extremely surprising in a good way, let's not kid ourselves about his defense.

Even more disappointing is Omar Vizquel. His decline in the field is easily visible to see just as a fan, but when you goto the numbers you see how marked it is. Omar is nowhere close to the defensive superstar he once was. He is 21st in the majors in Range Factor (behind even Derek Jeter, yuck), and 16th in Zone Rating. These make Omar a below-average defender. Sad, I know.

Casey Blake is merely average at best, Ben Broussard is above average, and our outfield is below average, likely because Matt Lawton is terrible in the field. As for Derek Lowe, he is 51st in the majors in Defense Independent ERA this season. This would suggest that while Boston's defense has hurt his statistics this year, he still hasn't impressed. Interestingly, he is sandwiched between Mike Hampton and Javier Vazquez--but to me this shows that those two pitchers are overrated rather than that Derek Lowe isn't as bad as we all think. You also mention Westbrook, who is 40th in DIPS ERA. While one might conclude therefore that since his ERA is so impressive with an average DIPS ERA that the Indians defense is the reason, one also cannot discount luck--the most important aspect in any baseball statistic basically. Westbrook has been lucky, very, very lucky, and is also having his career (read: peak performance) year. I strongly doubt he can continue or even improve upon his 2004 performance in the future.

One more thing: Travis Hafner and his .330 season-adjusted EqA is approximately performing the same as Jim Thome did during his peak years with the Indians (1995-2002) in which Thome had an average EqA of .325.

While perusing "The Baseball Shop" in Orleans, MA, Corey managed to find a perfect gift for me: player cards of my childhood heroes--Indians legend Wilfredo Cordero, Cavaliers legend Trajan Langdon, and Browns deity Ben Gay. I have, and continue to, look up to each as a role model for my possible future life as a professional athlete. Allow me to highlight the fantastic descriptions of each man from their player card.

Wilfredo Cordero, 2002, $0.40

Cordero gave the Indians solid depth at the plate in 2001, seeing time as a fourth outfielder and backup first baseman. He got off to a quality start last year, hitting .333 with .429 on-base percentage, seven RBI and seven runs in April. In an 8-5 win vs. Detroit on 5/24/01, the Puerto Rican smashed two solo home runs. Cordero is poised to reach a number of career milestones in 2002, including 1,000 hits, 100 home runs and 500 RBI.

I wouldn't call him exactly productive in 2001, batting .250/.313/.343, but he did have a good April--the foundation of a great season. Did you know that up until 1996, Cordero was a shortstop? I always thought of him as the worst fielding outfiedler in baseball.

Trajan Langdon, 2001, $0.50

Langdon set Cavaliers' season highs for three-pointers made as he drained all six of his long-ball attempts, en route to a career-high 31 points against Detroit November 21. He also connected on a career-best 11 field goals in the win over the Pistons

Only now do I realize how saddened I am that we have yet to mention the Trajan Langdon Game. The conditions were perfect for a memorable night: a gigantic blizzard left everyone stranded at home, and with Friday night television being so notably terrible, only the Cavs game was watchable. I watched the entire thing; the Alaskan Assassin was unstoppable that night. As we all know, it launched his career to the unreachable heights of today. The most amazing thing is that all the sports fans in Cleveland still remember his awesome performance.

And now for the best one!

Benjamin Gay, 2002, $0.30

Electric after he takes the handoff and heads towards the line, Gay can blow by you in an instant with his home-run speed if you don't wrap him up. Cleveland's explosive ground-gainer can shed the tacklers needed to pick up the crucial first down or touchdown. Against the Ravens in Week 10 of 2001, he ran for 56 yards and one TD in his team's 27-17 win.

Can't this description be used for any running back in the league by just replacing "Gay" with say, "Abdul-Jabbar" or "Prentice"? Also, is 56 yards in a game impressive? I think Ben Gay is the only player in NFL history noted for being a "high school phenom" and nothing else.

Also, a big thanks to Joey Morona of TribeTracker for the mention on his 'blog. He's a cool guy, probably.

Just a day after I was complaining about the lack of Indians coverage at Baseball Prospectus (the Indians were somehow skipped in the most recent rotation of "Prospectus Triple Play" columns), there are now two new columns discussing the Tribe, both published this afternoon.

One is free and the other is for subscribers only. The free one is the new Prospectus Triple Play, which has finally gotten 'round to the Indians after skipping them last time. PTP's main points are (a) that the Indians, in playing terrible defense (it's true...) with mediocre pitching but a supreme offense, play some of the highest scoring (therefore: most exciting, they claim) games in the majors; (b) that Milton Bradley and Brandon Philips are no longer the so-called "core" of the rebuilding plan, which is supposedly ironic... and (c) that Travis Hafner rocks.

The subscribers-only column (and if you do not subscribe to Baseball Prospectus, what's wrong with you?) is Joe Sheehan's latest Prospectus Today. It's a great column. Sheehan did not foresee good things for the '04 Tribe and is as shocked as most of us that they are currently so close to the top.

This column brings out both the pessimist and the optimist in me. I fear that our expectations will be too high in 2005; that the team won't be able to benefit from career years from so many unlikely players two years in a row. In the end, though, the optimist wins out. Sheehan writes:

Frankly, I'm not sure there's any team in baseball whose future I like more. Not only is there a lot of talent on hand, with an above-average--albeit not great--farm system in place, but the management team has a good mix of talent, with a respect for performance analysis. Plus, we know from the last decade that when the Indians are good, they get a tremendous response from the city, with raucous, sold-out crowds. They generate more than enough revenue to support a good-sized payroll, which will come in handy as Victor Martinez, Travis Hafner and Ben Broussard head for their primes.

The Indians are back, and even if it doesn't happen for them this year--the defense and the pitching may be too much to overcome--it's been a funstory to track, and has whet the appetite for great baseball in Cleveland.

Nice. Remember a few days ago, when I wrote that I wasn't going to get my hopes up after all? Well, screw it. I still have my doubts, but this is too damn exciting. Indians in '04!

This is awesome. It might have been published days or weeks ago; I don't really poke around ESPN.com very purposefully. Either way, I think it's so cool that somebody bothered to compile this list. Here's the walk-up music for every single lineup in the majors (you know how the players get to choose the song that plays between the announcement of their at-bat and the at-bat itself?), as provided by the sound people from all 30 major league parks.

I'll cut to the chase and show you the songs that the Indians chose:

• Ronnie Belliard: "Groove With Me Tonight" by MDO
• Casey Blake: "No Leaf Clover" by Metallica
• Ben Broussard: "Runnin' Down a Dream" by Tom Petty
• Coco Crisp: "Overnight Celebrity" by Twista
• Jody Gerut: "Lucipher" by Jay-Z
• Travis Hafner: "Du Hast" by Rammstein
• Tim Laker: "Business" by Eminem
• Matt Lawton: "My 1st Song" by Jay-Z
• Victor Martinez: "Kinito Mendez" by Tamarindo
• John McDonald: "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin
• Lou Merloni: "Slow and Low" by the Beastie Boys
• Omar Vizquel: "Down With the Sickness" by Disturbed

This is a topic that interests me. I have always thought that ballplayers' choices in this area were too predictable and too unmemorable. I know it's not 100% accurate, and it's not like I can blame them, but it certainly seems like the black players always choose hip-hop, the latino players always choose latin music, and the white ballplayers always choose either heavy metal or country. I know it's asking a lot, but I just wish someone would surprise me every once in a while.

There are only a few walk-up songs that I actually remember. Travis Fryman used a fairly unremarkable country song, but I remember it because the words made up a cheesy baseball reference (which was almost certainly not intended by the artist): "Show me the waaaay... to get home". Kenny Lofton, at one time, used "This Is How We Do It" by Montel Jordan, which I remember because... well I don't know why.

In many cases, I find the Indians' walk-up music more memorable at away games than at the Jake. Once, at PNC Park, the Pirates' sound people used the theme from the original Mario Bros. as the walk-up tune for Einar Diaz. Now that was random... but much appreciated. Also, cheesy as they are, I like the selections of Nancy Faust, organist for the Chicago White Sox. Faust is something of a South Side legend among Sox fans, much the way John Adams is an Indians legend/hero. She plays a different tune for each away-team plate appearance throughout the whole game. It's the kind of thing that only a few people in the ballpark ever notice, but it often makes me chuckle. For Matt Lawton, for example, she might play "I fought the law, and the... law one". For Coco Crisp she's been known to play "Chili Chili Coco Puff". For Casey Blake one time, I heard her play "One is the loneliest number" (get it? 'cause he wears #1...). Roll your eyes if you want; I appreciate a good tradition, even in enemy territory.

Anyway, I often speculate on the walk-up music I'd choose. Basically, I see myself having two options. One would be to choose something from the classical repertoire, since it's the music I love most; I study it; I compose it; it certainly isn't heard at major league ballparks very often. If I went this route, I would have to choose something intimidating (that is, a Mozart piano concerto or a Fauré sonata would not do much to pump up the crowd, pump up myself, or strike fear in the heart of the opposing pitcher). I'd go with something like "Ride of the Valkyries" except not quite so overplayed and recognizable. Perhaps another selection from Wagner.

The other choice (and, who am I kidding, this is what I would do) would be to seek out something to please the crowd. After all, the whole point of music during the game is to appeal to the crowd. Going this route would involve either nostalgia, comedy, or both. My favorite idea would be to choose the tune you hear in the Megaman video games when you select which stage you will play (you know the one... just before you get to play the stage, they show you the boss of that stage doing a little move while a brief but memorable tune plays...). I'm fairly certain this tune was used in most, if not all, of the early Megaman games. If you're thinking, "I played Megaman, and I can't remember anything like that", then go download one of the games (like Megaman 2, the easiest and most fun in the series), a light bulb will go on as soon as you hear it, I promise.

Anyway, I'm sure you loyal readers have your own thoughts on this topic (such as: "Playing classical music during a baseball game is dumb; it's totally inappropriate!"... to which I say "Yeah, yeah. I can do what I want; I'm the rich, talented ballplayer, remember?"). I'm very interested to hear what you all think of the 2004 Indians' choices, as well as what your own choices would be. Oh, and memorable ones from Indians past. Comment away!

I can't decide if I should get my hopes up or not. One day, the Indians are 4 games back. The next day, they're 8 games back. Now, they're like 5 back but in sole possession of second place, and they're 3 games over .500 for the first time since April 26, 2002 (when they beat Texas to reach 13-10). I think I'll refrain from getting my hopes up and call this a moral victory. The expectations are sure going to be high next year, though.

In a few minutes, they try to go 4 games over .500 in a classic pitching matchup: Scott "Winnin' Machine" Elarton vs. Jose "He's on the White Sox now?" Contreras.

I've been thinking over the Josh Phelps trade. On the one hand, we traded Eric Crozier for a player who is, in all honesty, the best possible future version of Eric Crozier we could have reasonably expected. So, that's good, I guess. On the other hand, though, we sure are overstocked in the infield now. A lot of fans will say that's a good thing. I say it's good to a point. We don't want to develop Minnesota Twins Syndrome (MTS), where a plethora of good players on one side of the field (in the Twins' case, outfield/DH types) and a dearth of good players on another (in the Twins' case, infield types) is less an example of good depth and more an example of poor allocation of resources. In the Indians' case, I'm a litle concerned that Hafner, Broussard, Phelps, Blake, Boone, Peralta, Philips, possibly Belliard, and possibly Merloni will soon be vying for 5 spots (DH included). This assumes Omar is gone next year. If he's not, it gets even more complicated. This also ignores the times when Victor will be DH-ing and Bard catching, which is likely to happen several times next year. Throw in the fact that Aubrey and Garko are going to be ready very, very soon, and we might have a problem on our hands.

An easier way of saying it is: as much as I view Josh Phelps as an underrated player with a bright future, he's about the last thing we need right now, much less in 2005.

Sorry about the extended absense. Corey may try to blame the computer malfunction on me, but I swear I didn't do anything. Trying to follow Cleveland sports while not in Cleveland and without cable television or internet and having to go only by local newspapers is terribly difficult. I did notice a few things though:

1. Travis Hafner kicks ass
2. Scott Elarton is really bad
3. New England is so ridiculously Red Sox crazy that it defies logic

Now that our computer is functioning I checked Cavaliers news and noticed that Eric Williams signed with the Nets. I don't know how the Cleveland press is covering this, but it seems like a bad deal for the Cavs. While I don't think EWill is a key piece for the team, he's a good defender and can shoot when open. Plus it seems as if Silas likes him. But he only signed for $4 million per year, which is cheap and I thought that the Cavs wouldn't be able to afford him, but with some crazy mid-level crap couldn't we free that much up?

Anyway, he won't be missed too much. I also noticed that Tractor Traylor is expected to sign with Cleveland again. While I would highly laud the signing if for purely comic reasons, I severely doubt it. Hopefully Drew Gooden/Tony Battie will take up all meaningful playing time. Tractor Traylor will never contribute on the court to a winning team.

Sorry, everybody. Alex and I are on a remote Pacific island, where the computer happened to break. But it's better now.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to get the computer fixed yesterday, when we wanted to post this - because yesterday was a very important Indians anniversary - so here it is a day late. Three years ago yesterday (August 5, 2001), the Indians beat the Mariners in what is easily the greatest regular season baseball game in the history of Earth. You know the one. The comeback.
So, in honor of Comeback Day, I would like to enourage baseball fans everyhere to visit this site, which recaps the historic events in question. I, for one, remember it well. From the Burbalicious start to the Jolbertarian finish.

Drink up, Indians fans.

So, we now have a poll. It's down there on the right, there. We're thinking it will be an every-few-weeks kind of dealie. Or until we come up with a brilliant new question. Or until we reach 1,000,000 votes, which is sure to be very often. So go vote your pants off, internet.

I have a lot of thoughts about the trading deadline. They're pretty much the same thoughts you'll find on all the baseball blogs, though, since the "blogoshpere" is mostly sabermetric. You know: the Mets got hosed; Devil Rays in 2008!; viva DePodesta. I'm mainly concerned about the fragile transition from the Bostonian "Nomahhhhh!" to the Chicagolandian "Nomar." I guess my hilarious Chicago accent doesn't read too well in print. You guys'll just have to trust me. I do a great Chicago accent. Ask Alex.

The highlight of the trade deadline was most definitely the awesome practical joke I played on Alex while I was waiting for my plane to take off today at O'Hare airport. I sent him a text message that read,

"Peralta, fausto, and aubrey for shawn chacon and a ptbnl. It's been confirmed."

To which Alex promptly replied,

"FUCK"

and, a few minutes later,

"Fuck you. you scared me you piece of crap"

to which I promptly replied,

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha".